panaroma :)
i love that camera effect.

yesterday was the best day i had in while can? reached Bugis 10 minutes late. whee~
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just ten mintues and they're furious? they shouldnt wait for me den next time. they should turn up late too. and and! guess who i saw, Ainy Modette and her friends, and tak sala AsSrezal too. i think. couldnt really see properly, cos wasnt wearin my specs, and the four of them were like eye-ing me from far. den i was looking at them and heckin-care. den Ainy called out my name, den i turned and confirmed it was her. hahaha. so i was like HUH? HELLO! haha. i dun think i looked friendly to them yesterday. i was such a blur yesterday! hahhh. =/ and and! Ashraf reached there 20 minutes later den me. but my cousins were okay with it anyway. den i took out his present from Brother's bag and they walked off to Bugis Junction first and lets me have my alone time wit Ashraf. den he wanted to go to Bugis Village to buy earring, so i just followed. i felt like a dog for one day but who the shit cares? as long as i can get to see his face is already satisfies my heart. hehh.

although spent just bout 45 minutes wit him, it would b the most memorable one. it was undeciding, we were confused, but yet he still grabbed hold of my hand. and i smiled up at him, and he smiled back. i swear i felt like a million dollars, like i've got everythin and i dun need anythin else. he said i look different. he was like, did you wear makeup? and i was like, umm no? cant u see? no powder, yohoo? haha. and i said, mayb its dat u didnt get to see me for so long. hmm. and there's one part when he suddenly told me not to pierce my tongue (i didnt even mentioned it, it just shoots out from his mouth), and i was like, what if i want to? den that part hit me hard! he looked down and said, oh yeah, i dun control u anymore. pfft. and i was like, you dont? it was sure heartbreakin to hear that. just four fuckin words.

den my cousins called my fone and asked me to meet them at the bus stop in front of Bugis Village. cos we were goin to Gas Haus earlier. and i was like pissed inside, but i just kept quiet. den we headed out of Bugis Village and arrived at the bus stop. that part was like the sad one can! we looked at each other, i dun feel like letting go of him this early, and i think he doesnt too. so we talked and urrrrrgh, MCM SUSAH NAK LEPASKAN! den before he left, he wanted to plant me a kiss on the lips but he was shy cos my cousins were all like lookin? =/ den i was like, its okay, dun care them, they like. haha. and he gave me one in the end! :)

HAPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY x123456789123456789123456789 :D

and he went to meet his fren somewhere and we went to Gas Haus and passed the money to Roy, the organizer. and went back to Bugis Village and ate at Burger King. and it was total madness there can! i was like such a blur. even my drink spilled. =/ hahaha. that's 101% belo la. hmm. den after eatin my meal, i msg-ed wit Ashraf :) cos you see, i dropped the card i wrote for him. and its fcukin long can! so i didnt know how to tell Ashraf wat i wrote in the letter. so i told him that overall, the letter just wanted you to know dat i love him and will always do until he has another. den he said, thanks dear, me too. and he's goin ITE Simei so its gonna b quite hard to meet up wit him next year. pfft. double pffffffft.

den we watched Night At The Museum. and you people should watch it la! its damn nice :) and Ben Stiller's one funny guy in the show. with the hunters and the 26th US president, which he thought as the 4th US president. and there's this monkey called Dexter which looked so fuckin cute in wax and at nite, when it comes to live, its attitude is like kjetcaieruyghvcnerjkajmeau. hahaha. but you people just have to catch it in the movies okeh.

den ate KFC for dinner. and den they smoke3 outside LJS. and den we went home and everyone decided to sleepover at my house. so reached my house bus stop at 2357hours. den went under the block. and they smoke again. the stick is like so effing long can! urrrrgh. Winston, yup. haha. den went to 7eleven and bought Slurpee and Ajim treat me Lakerol sweet :D yayy.

den reached home at 0028hours. hahaha. and den bathed and all dat. and gave Ashraf a call. den chatted wit him for bout 30 minutes. im happppppyyyyyyyyyyyy yesterday. superhappy :D den i told him dat i cant take it if i didnt call him for just one day. den he said, me too. den he asked me to print out my photo. cos he bought a frame already, and he needs the foto. haha. so im printing the foto dat he wants and passing it to him on one of the days, i dun know when ..? haha. den he kept on saying 'i love u'. when we wanted to hang up, he said, i love u. den i said, i love u too. den he said, nite2, sweet dreams, sleep tite, and lastly a kiss! :) and i gave him a gudnite kiss too. and i just wanted to press the 'End Call' button when i heard him saying 'i love u' again. how sweet can he get? so i said, i love u too. okay? hehe.

so mayb on New Year's Eve, after my Brother's gig at Gas Haus, we're all goin to Johor at nite. cos its Hari Raye Haji. and my atok kesayangan ask me to come Johor. hehhh. gonna snap pictures there okeh? :D

gudnite peeps, i wanna take a sleep.

i feel like half of me is gone :(
tmrw meetin Ashraf at Bugis awhile to pass him the shirt i bought for him.
and i think its gonna b the last time i get to meet him, until for very long :(
pfft. i hate my controlled life. too many stupid things i did, and too many sad things happened.
how stupid for me to do useless stuffs and in the end, another person is affected too.
how stupid can i get?
but mayb no-one can change me, cos that's how i am.
not wat i choose to b.

i should stop this.
i shouldnt blame anyone for all that happened.
so tmrw, gonna see him.
just wanna look at him properly, how beautiful his eyes are,
how cute his hair is,
how sweet his smile can get.
i'd never trade dat for anythin else.

oh fuck, just two years and everythin will b like how it used to b.
or it wont?
i will never forget how sweet he was even when we have to b apart.
the sincerety in his voice when he asked me to remember dat he still loves me.
and will wait for me.
i will too dear, dun worry.

'i will make you the most sweetest memory in my life'
wats written for me,
is the best for you.

FROM YOU, I FOUND MY LIFE. <3
Ashraf, i love you, i really do ..

mummy dun really like me having a boyfren too soon :(

i felt so bored. she read all my msgs la can! pfft. i dun know how else to prevent her from invading into my privacy? i know she's my mum, but it doesnt mean dat she has to know everythin bout my life right?

yesterday cried and cried till i fell asleep on my bed. kept on thinkin wat i would do next? called Ashraf and told him dat mummy wanna meet him tmrw at woodlands. i dun know how it'd turn out to b. i was crying when i called him, and the conversation was awkward :

Ashraf : Hello?
Me : Hello.
Ashraf : Yes?
Me : My mum wants to see you tmrw. She wanna talk to you. She found out bout us.
Ashraf : Okay. Is everythin ok? Knape u nangis? Wat she wanna talk bout?
Me : i dun know. But u can meet her rite tmrw?
Ashraf : Sure.
Me : -silence-
Ashraf : U, i ngah keje nie. Later i call u back can?
Me : Okay. Bye.
Ashraf : Bye.

:(
den at nite called him up again.

Ashraf : Hello?
Me : Hello. Where are you?
Ashraf : On the way home.
Me : Okay. U, bout just now.. My mum wanna ask you to stop contactin me. That's why she wanted to meet u.
Ashraf : -silence-
Me : Would u really stop contactin me? Bcos i still wouldnt.
Ashraf : If you wanna stop, den we stop. But do you wanna stop?
Me : Of cos not.
Ashraf : So we dont stop. But wat if your mum finds out?
Me : Hopefully she wont.
Ashraf : Okay.
Me : So everything she's gonna say tmrw, dun take it to heart.
Ashraf : Okay, im prepared.
Me : Okay den. I wanna eat.
Ashraf : Okay. Bye.
Me : Bye.
Ashraf : i love you.
Me : i love you too.

(:

i think im the most luckiest person in this whole wide world, cos i have an understandin guy right bside me.
im fuckin thankful for dat.
He's a gift from God.

im back from my long trip (:
and im back to my normal self again :(
the sad ol' Dian.
pfft.

on the first day, waited for auntie Elina and Uncle Arim to arrive from Spore. they finally arrived at 4 in the afternoon. we waited for damn long la can! pfft. haha. den reached the Johor house and they had a quick lunch, yummy. den everyone got in the van and headed for the highway. it was crazy in the van! Eman was sucking down air-con (aint dat stupid?) and ajim & sazlee & ashraf singing stupid jiwang songs like 'Isabella'. they were practically screamin their lungs out cos they just couldnt reach dat high note, haha!

let's see, we went to Melaka on the first day, and its quite boring over there. xcept for the Pusat Bandar. had KFC for dinner and went to our apartment for the night. its big and nice, i think the name is Mahkota Hotel. kept on going up and down late in the nite. downstairs so fun! hahaha. omfg, i think my bloggin sucks. okeh nevermind. den found out somethin bad :( my cousins and also my brother take cocain. i dun know why, but i felt so wrong. who am i to stop them from doing that? nak mati awal ke ape? pfft. damn pissed la. i should've known dat cigarettes werent enough for them. erghh. but anyway, we snapped pictures and all in the hotel. but unfortunately, i was busy takin other people's photos, i didnt even snap my own. haha.

den went to Pusat Bandar and had our lunch, den headed to Genting. Yessssssssssa! (: i love Gentinggg! haha. did stupid stuffs in the van again and reached Genting! the best part was when going up the highland, we opened the van windows and enjoyed the cold air! i loike (:
den reached Genting and booked two joining rooms at First World Hotel. unpacked our stuffs and went down to xplore. hahh. its okeh la, but we didnt played there anyway. only went shoppin and all. den went back to the hotel and played snakes and ladder (-.-) hahaha. i dun know who the hell bought that stupid game. might as well buy poker cards right? bahh. den at 2 in the morning, i went down to the empty mall wit ajim, sazlee, ashraf and mia. it was so empty, i could even hear my own footsteps. the place was so calming.

den the next day went to KL. yes, finally somethin! (: booked our 3 days stay at Hotel Istana, de best hotel i've ever slept in. but unfortunately, it was under renovation. but guess wat? auntie Elina gave us 2 Deluxe rooms. and it was heavenly, i tell you! hahaha. it was nice, the bathtub's great too, yknow! dat is why i simply love Hotel Istana. but the pool and the gyms were under renovation :( and i read this paper in the hotel room, it said that whoever wants to go swimming, you can go to Crown Prince Hotel's swimming pool. how lame can they get? hahaha. can tumpang siaa. woo.

at KL, i bought 2 polo shirts for me and 1 green shirt for Ashraf from a cool jap shop @ Times Square. and another skirt from a different shop. and guess wat, RM 220 gone! hahaha. but it was worth it la. den on the last nite, went to Karaoke at 2 in the morning. everyone sang a song each, and it when it was Aliff's turn, it was damn funny la can! he sang Isabella. and the waiter came in and sent the bill. and his face was like cramped. haha. everyone thinks its bcos of Aliff's singin. oh well.

den went back to Johor on Friday and slept there and bla bla blaaa. den the next day we had to go back to spore cos there's a wedding invitation in which everyone in our family must go cos its dammit important, but i dun know why? haha. so the next day, everyone went home together. and i left my specs bhind! cos was in a hurry right. pfft. leceh laa. den met mummy at Admiralty and went to Tiara's house. the baby's cheeks are gettin fatter i tell you! haha. den had my lunch there. and den fell asleep on Nichola's bed with Kak Azlin. hahaha. den woke up at 7.30 and went home.

next day, went to the wedding invitation dat everyone die-die must go. had our lunch there. and everyone was pressing me and ajim to go sing a song for the newlyweds. hmm. okehh. hahaha! den chose a song, Jangan Pisahkan. we sang and they kept on bringin flowers to us, kept on pressurin ajim to pass the flower to me. was damn shy la can! pfft. den after the song finish, they clapped and ajim passed the yellow flower to me. at that time, i swear i thought dat he was the sweetest guy on Earth. but den, it was just a one-time thinkin la. he's my cousin, people! haha. =/ and i have Ashraf. wat else would i ever ask for again?

KEBABOOOOOOOOOOOOM! :D
time check : 0453 am

wow, second day im awake at the break of dawn. hahhh. anyway, Ashraf's calling in a while, gonna have a chat with him before i leave for Johor later on at 9 morn. :( den wanna go City Square wit my mates and i'll b at the Levi's shop if anyone wanna see me :)

bahh dats pure crap =/

so we gonna sleepover at the Johor house for today and on Monday gonna zoom off to Melaka, den KL, den Genting, den back to Johor, and the next day in Singapore. okeh that's longggg.

packing was so uber funny just now, with mummy and Brother. kept on cracking lame jokes eh.

Brother : what's an award that repeats itself?
Me & Mummy : Dunno.
Brother : a reward HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

ME : HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA x1234567890987654321

who the hell doesnt know that im in love with lame jokes? =/

hmm i dun know wat else to write here. nyeh nyeh nyehh,

:D

smiling is always the best anyway. :D
smile! SMILE! :D

okeh Ashraf's calling soon already, better off the computer.
i'll miss you computer, and all those who'll miss me.

I'LL GET EVERYONE SOMETHIN OKEH? PROMISEEEEE :D

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D
i feel better, so much better

that yucky feeling is gone,
thrown far away.

talked to Ashraf a few times this morning,
it was superfunny okeh :D
but heck, i miss him alot luhh.
told him not to forget bout me when im away,
and he warned me not to get on a mat rempit's back.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA MCM FAHAM OKEH!

today supposed to go to the wedding reception, but we didnt. cos told mummy that i dun feel like goin, and im in a bad mood. and she said that its okeh, cos the rest of my cousins arent goin too. hahhh isnt dat great?! so later goin to j8 and look for my new fone. mayb Sony Ericsson will do for the mean time. i need a good-quality camera fone wit a memory stick for my trip okeh. so i can upload pictures into the computer after my trip :) den after finding my fone, wanna go Ice Lemon Tee and buy my leggings.

after j8, goin to Sembawang and visit my kindergarten friend, she's sick. like she cant walk, she suddenly have some kind of illness. hmm. anyway, after this gonna take a bath again cos i feel smelly cos i just completed all my chores : vacuummy room, mop the whole house, wash the dishes & wipe the dust off some of mummy's priceless stuffs.

now chattin wit akim babe, he's funny okeh. and im gettin more and more familiar to MySpace. but im more to friendster, i guess. okeh whatever shits.

last words for the third post of the day :

i miss him :(
i miss him :(
i miss him :(

why do i feel like im missing everyone already?
i havent even gone away,

people i miss :

1) Ashraf x 12343923874588374r68239571 times more
2) Nurul :)
3) Syukri bestie
4) Nuwul gf
5) Ihsan bestie
6) Julie :)
7) Dian Khatib
8) Mama Dian Tamp
9) Papa Fufumi
10)Adik Ayie Tamp
11) Abg Afiq Tamp
12) Abg Azmi
13)Kak Aisha
14) Mustakim babe

it was fun talkin to akim babe and his friends yesterday.
discovered a guy who sounds like a girl, den found out dat he's small
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA i need someone to cheer me up
cos im smiling abit now
and i still dun know why

oh yes
time check : 0711 hours
off to sleep now

time check : 0619 hours
and im awake

guess wat, i had a nitemare,
the worst i had to go through ever since the one i had during my primary school years

wat am i supposed to do now? i feel so tired. :( called Ashraf up but he answered the fone, den found out that he slept early. he asked me go back to sleep, wish i could too. he gave me a kiss and if only that would make me go back to sleep? pfft. why must stupid things happen to me all the time? im tired of all this.

I FEEL BADDDDDDDDDD NOW, REAL BAD. :(
AND YEAH, I DUN KNOW WHYYYYYY. SHIT

bahh i hate this feeling,
im goin away real soon. and i dun have enough time wit him yet. my fone's still at the workshop, wont b repaired until monday. and monday morning, i'll b on the way to Johor already. tmrw's having wedding invitation, oh shit i hate all this noisy places. where people are all happy, singing into the microphone, when im the one who's forced to go to this stupid reception and feeling so bad inside.

fuck you dian
stop blaming others

oh shit im having attitude problem now

i need him nowwwwwwww
now, anyone bring him here for me please
im desperate okeh
whatever =/

when will i ever get to REALLY show Ashraf why im really carrying on in life?
someone, please press the pause button to my life
i need a break now,

now dats wat im talkin bout! the gig, cant wait.

Brother brought Shahril, his lead vocalist, home for some practise in our living room. didnt know my living room is a jamming studio. and my mood wasnt good today, but omfg omfg,
SHAHRIL IS SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. HE'S DOING SOME STUPID STUFFS TO THE KEYBOARD WE HAVE AT HOME.
HE'S PRESSING THE ALL THOSE FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYY BUTTONS OMG I CANT STOP LAUGHING HE IS SO IRRITATING
AND NOW HE STOPPED FIDDLING WITH THE KEYBOARD AND SINGIN AN EMOCORE SONG AND POINTING TO ME. =.=
THAT IS DISTURBINGGGGGGGGG.

he really changed my mood today, he's freakin funny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA. okeh im done laughin and now im bored. Shahril's gone to meet his girlfriend and Brother's off to buy me dinner. im alone at home again :( so kept on editing my new blogskin, is it too messy or is it just fine? i need some opinions. and the comment boxes are activated. so people, please comment sometime okeh? :)

ahhhhhhh i miss him. and im supposed to go overseas this sunday till the 23rd without meeting him at all. how am i supposed to survive that way? pfft, wat to do.

Ashraf, i love you deeeeeeeeeeps. <3
never wanna let you go.
is that a deal? :)

fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkkk fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk =/

im sorry to type those words as the startin of this post.
but i really have to let go,

im tired of stayin stucked in this home.
i know i've done so many mistakes,
and in the end, mummy found out bout my secrets.
freakin shit, those secrets which mummy shouldnt know.

pfft, my life's screwed during the holidays,
should've known better.
bahhh i hate everythin now.
leave me alone. :(

when you're a teen and you keep secrets between your siblings, cousins and close friends, wat does that mean? it means that you dun want any others to know, especially your parents and all. but they just cant accept the fact that they dun know any of my secrets, so they go diggin here and there, all round my room for some juicy secrets of mine. even my fone is spoilt cos they were surely doin somethin with it. shits, i feel so trapped now. i dun know who to turn to. when i need Ashraf, he's busy at work, and suddenly dun reply my message. isnt that like weird? and he still dun feel gud bout me.

but from now on, i know how to behave myself. to think of him everytime i wanna do something. if its bad, i'd quit it. and why does he still feel dat negative feeling? pfffffft. i feel like dyin. can someone nearest to the kitchen, grab a knife and stab me somewhere near the heart?

please?
i'd really like dat.

this is the funniest conversation i've ever heard between two couples :

BOY : okay, i'll see you later dear.
GIRL : 'later' as in 'tonight' or 'later' as in 'sometime in this lifetime' ?
BOY : oh, haha. give me a call sometime.
GIRL : 'give you a call' as in 'you respect my right to take the initiative' or 'give you a call' as in 'call only when you specifically ask' ?
BOY : you're a riot la dear. well, i've got to go.
GIRL : 'im a riot' as in 'you love me' or 'im a riot' as in 'we just broke up' ?
BOY HANGS UP.
GIRL SAYS TO HERSELF : boys should come with instruction booklets.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA funny shit.
im in need of jokes.
anyone?

Y

I FEEL LETHARGICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC =/

woke up at 0949am today and i dun find my fone anywhere near me. panicked and called mummy, she said she accidentally dropped my fone and it couldnt be on. :( thats why she brought it to work, to send it for repairs before my trip. i need that fone to snap some pictures okeh. hmphff. i feel so messyyyyyyy,

den didnt know wat to do, so called Ashraf and chatted wit him using my house fone. hahh. usually, he's the one who always call me using his house fone. well, it felt funny btw. nyehhh who cares? at least it makes me happy den its okay :) den daddy woke up and i had to hang up. pffft. den called him back only at 2. he was in the train on his way to work, said im sorry to call back so late. den he said nevermind, den hung up. den called him again, and said those three little words, and he said back four (-.-) and laughed den hung up. bahh i miss him luhh okay. i neeeeeeeeed him.

tmrw's plan wit him is kept hangin. mummy wont let me go, she said its not her authorisation anymore, watever that means. she asked me to ask daddy if i wanna go out tmrw. so lettin him know tonight, only hope that he'd let me go. i cant stand it anymore, my fone's a wreck, i cant go out, wat bad thing else will come haunt me? grrr.

and today outing wit Syuk bestie and his friends to Bugis is cancelled, cos i have no fone. no fone, no life. WHO AGREES? hahh i bet most people do. and now, chattin wit Syahida dear, told her im feelin messy and lethargic, and she told me she's feelin stupid. and we keep on typin things like 'eksnguhrx' and 'dtuecrnhht' and 'zxcvbnmkuth'. now dats wat i call crap. and i luv it.

anyway, my brother's gig is postponed again. wth, wth. so now, let me make the necessary corrections :

VENUE : GAS HAUS
DATE : 31ST DECEMBER 2006
TIME : 12PM TILL LATE
BAND : BLANK NOTE & OTHERS
GENRE : INDIE, ALTERNATIVE
ENTRY FEE : $10 includes 1 soft drink

okeh da. anymore changes (wtf) i'll update it here! :D

so i read Chicken Soup For The Woman's Soul when i was waitin for my lunch. alot of cute stories in there, btw. and now im seriously bored. i wanna call him! but he's workin luhh. Grr! if only i can have that day with him tmrw before i go for KL :( dats wat i want badly now. bahhh screw everythin.

you're irreplaceable,
there's no another you.

gotta go to OP and change the yellow shirt mummy bought for me the other day.
its too bigggggggg.
and yeah, im happy, that's why im bloggin twice in a day.

okay kool!
gig, gig
cant wait

IM SO HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY :D

although spent only like less den three hours and still am satisfied. bombed bout $70+ yesterday and im fine wit that actually. cos gonna spend more money when i go for KL next week. i cant barely wait luhh. =/

1) a $7 long pink shirt
2) a $32 purple-boxed bag
3) a $25 green and white long sleeve shirt
4) a $10 crown belt,

and Brother was so mad cos it took me such a long time to find a perfect pair of jeans and a green skirt that i've been wanting for so long. but still, i couldnt find it! Grr! mayb next time luhh. den had dinner at KFC. and this group of boys wearing all-black, they were so noisy in the KFC la siaa. cant even concentrate on my food. and everyone there were like 'shit', 'goddamnit'. hahhh.

yeahh. Ihsan bestie is back from Johor, but tmrw he's off to KL. too bad, cant follow me and Syuk bestie go Bugis tmrw. pfft. just wanted to have some freakin fun wit them both and some other VIPs. bahh too bad i guess. but well, im not sure im goin either. thought of bringin Ashraf along, but his work got in the way. so yeah, if i were to follow, i wont really talk. cos i dun really know Syuk's friends la. but i dun dare go out anyway, afraid i wont get to go out with Ashraf on friday. that'd b the end for me. blaaaaaaaa.

yesssssssa! got tickets for Brother's gig yesterday from Hazril rudeboy, at BK. those tickets are prettyyyy. (: so for anyone who's interested in goin, here's the details, and you can beep me on my cell!

VENUE : GAS HAUS
DATE : 7TH JANUARY 2007
ENTRY FEE : $10
BAND NAME : BLANK NOTE
BAND'S GENRE : PUNK, SKA, ROCK

you can find me there, for sure [:

okay yesterday i finally had time to talk to Ashraf on the fone. and its been a long time, i must say. but wat to do..? hahhh. called him at 5 in the mornin and he was on his way home from a friend's house. den talked to him when he reached home. den hung up after satisfied talkin, cos he's tired too and needs some rest. messaged him, 'i luv u deep deep'. and he replied, 'brape deep?hehek'. and i replied, 'too deep to know'. and i slept a sweet one.

lookin forward to meetin him this friday. gonna have a day wit him. first to Orchard, den to Bugis. psst, its his plan.


DUM TI DUM TI DUMMMMMMM :D

bahhh.
my outing wit Nurul is cancelled :( cos mummy found out bout my piercing and she went wild yesterday nite. she forced me to take it out and throw it away. she wont let me keep it luhh. Grrr! she kept on blabbering bout why i didnt used my brain that i pierced at a place like JOHOR. with no medication or anythin. she asked me to let the piercing close by itself, cos she dun want any infection. stupid 5 ringgit gone to waste. pfft.

sorry Nurul! :( your LJS meal is on me right when the new term starts next year okeh? hahhh. she wants a treat, goddammit. :D

SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT /
today supposed to go Gas Haus wit Brother. den mummy said that tonight's the only day she feel like goin shopping. so yeahhh. anythin for new clothes man! hahhh. and so later at 0530 pm gonna go Bugis wit brother and go meet mummy there. wanna go shoppin, its been a superlongggg time eh. hahh. i need more clothes for the future. hahahh. and and! guess wat? mummy bought me an OP luggage bag for the KL trip and its supernice :D so happy! the patterns are nice, brown and white flowers and leaves all over. saw the price tag, $25 and was shocked. how could a nice branded bag cost $25? hahhh. so called mummy up and she told me that she had to spend $120 at OP, den she can buy that bag, only paying $25. i was like WTH? den she asked me to open up the bag and see what's inside.

1) a yellow shirt for me, with quite nice wordings.
2) a brown pants FOR MY BROTHER,
3) a brown shirt FOR MY BROTHER,
3) a green shirt FOR MY BROTHER,
4) a brown sling bag FOR MY BROTHER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! friggin shit

isnt that just irritatin? everythin's for my brother. i mean, i got that luggage bag, but it just wasnt enough luhh. freakin lucky boy. =/ nevermind, i'll make sure that today imma buy more things den him. i dun care! bahhh.

okay yesterday's last episode of Hikmah is okeh luhh. i mean, the last two episodes were a rush, and every character turned over a new leaf so fast. mayb the director wanted the story to end fast, but that's not the way man! hahh. it makes the story's ending look stupid. anyway, with Hikmah finished, there's gonna b DIAN III every Monday startin next week. catch it! i gotta feelin its gonna b supernice. :D

everythin's going on fine between me and him, im so glad. i would like to thank the wonders from Above for making it fine for us. i wish we could stay like this forever. if that ever happens, i'll probably b the most happiest person alive.

who said it was so easy,
to put back all this pieces?

GODDDDDDDDD.

havin a long talk wit mummy today. =/ gonna b fine i guess. wanna talk to her bout Ashraf, wanna b straightforward wit her. wanna say sorry that i did stupid things all this while. wanna share wit her how much i like Ashraf, wanna get her approval. and wanna tell her bout Iqbal too. how my past was so fucked up cos of him. so that i'll have my fone back for gud. the truth always works.

pfft.

talked to Ashraf bout the Anonymous who tagged my board. and he was like '..?' he said, mayb its someone from my school. well, guess wat? i dun give a damn. hahhhhh, get that. had quite a short talk wit him and he's having work now. meetin him this friday, goin town. gotta b fun no matter wat, cos on sunday goin Johor already. bahhhh. gonna miss everyone here badly.

and now,

im feelin so bored. and so not in the mood. and i dun know why. friendster's pissing me off. the new layout forced me to re-edit my whole profile. friggin shits. think gonna on the tv and entertain myself abit, cheer myself up abit. there's no reason to get upset la please. ok go! on the tv! okay done. byebyeeeeeeeeeee :D

well guess wat,
i miss my life!

shit ok.
my life is full of shits

parents are continuously nagging bout my rudeness towards them. but heck, since when was i ever rude to them..? now everything i say seem to sound rude to them. fuck care la, i dun know how else to convince them already that i wasnt being rude at all. that's one problem. the other is that im grounded, cos mummy found out somethin bad i did when i was at Johor the other day. i cant go out before the KL trip, but thats like impossible, cos i'd have to go out somehow, wanna spend a day with Ashraf.

too bad my life's so fucked up at this point of time.

and when everythin seems to fall apart, problems keep on addinggggg. im freakin pissed. last two days, we quarrelled again, but im not sure why. den everything was solved with a sorry from him. i forgive him, cos i understand that sometimes we tend to get carried away by feelings all the time. i always xperience that, and it felt like !@$^&* i tell you!

and when that problem's solved, see here comes another, which crushes my heart so much.

why are there so much people taggin my board nowadays with harsh words? dun they have nth better to do den criticising how other people look, even if its not me they're talkin bout? dun they use their brain, dat they're talkin bout the guy i love here. this is my blog, my say. for those people who have the guts to get in my blog without my permission, its okay to just read and just keep your mouth shut. but if you dun have the right to come in, and you decided to 'not agree' with whatever i say here, and tag my board with such rudeness, den i'll have to get even wit you.

to anonymous,
say whatever you wanna say. it may add to my problems, but who are you to break my relationship with Ashraf? i really hope you're readin this, cos one day, somebody's gotta teach you a lesson not to disturb someone-you-dun-even-know's life. what credit can you get out of doing that? chocolates? -.- no, wat you get is shit thrown right back at you. you wanna talk shit wit me, i'll talk shit wit you too. so we're even. this is so childish, but wat else can i do to drive you away from my blog? i could ban you from taggin, but i dun want to. so will you stop sayin your comments aloud? keep it to yourself, so that people wont dislike you. hahhhhhh.

im friggin done wit people who wanna destroy my life. so far, no one came up to me and said HEY I DUN LIKE YOU TO B WIT NAVAL BASE GUYS. but hey, dats my freakin problem man. are you related to me that you can say somethin like that? and guess wat, it doesnt matter anyway cos you're not anybody to me. Ashraf is. if he wanna break away from me, he'll do it. with or without your help. Thank you for your concern anyway.

to Ashraf,
sorry bout yesterday. promised to talk wit you at 2am, but i really couldnt wake up from my sleep luh. =/ was in the middle of a sweet dream i guess. hahhh. anyway, i miss you :( wish we could meet soon, right before im off for my KL trip and its not gonna end fast. love you.

i wanna be with you,
i wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to.

" and when our two worlds collide, unrecruited love was realised. "

hola bloggie, im back after four days of total boredom at clementi. but it was a happy one for me, too. and i dun know why. i felt the happiness, so overwhelming in me, tryin to find a way to come out. after all this while, i realised that i wasnt being a good person. but lately, i've just been hangin around at home, thinkin bout wat i've done, all those stupid things i regretted. i think im recovered, really. =/

me and Ashraf's relationship is gettin much muchhh better, and phew there was so much pain to bear. but now that everything's over, im back to my normal self, and him back to his sweet self, i've never felt any better. he proved his love to me so much more, and started messaging me at the break of dawn, lettin me know how much he loved me and all -just like before. now, i wouldnt xpect anythin much more from him anymore, cos i know that i have to give him some too. love and care is all we need, and its more den enough.

and i could sleep everynite with a smile on my face, doesnt matter if there's no reason bhind it. just knowing that im feelin so happy and that my heart's calm is enough to make me live with that smile. the more i miss him, the more i realise that i love him. i may b too young now to understand love, but i think im matured enough to say that love is strong. we'll have to fight to get it, fight to make it stay, and fight for it to last forever. fight till the end.

Ashraf, i just want you to know how i much i loved you from the beginning. and the feeling is still there. it wont go away, unless .. i wouldnt wanna mention it. i just wanna enjoy the long road ahead of us, there'll be ups and downs, full of tears and laughter. but im gonna go through all this with you, im not gonna let you go through the bad times alone. i'll always b by your side as long as you want me to.

if i wrote you a love note,
and make you smile at every word i wrote,
wat would you do?

yo im back.

okay life's been freakin fun two days back. passed the customs on early saturday morning, and straight away called abg alee and abg ashraf up. met them at Carrefour and ate there. then went to SMART and pierced another hole in the middle of my ear. i'll upload a picture of my ear to let people know wat i mean. hahahaha. abg eman was the last among the rest to pierce his first earhole. walked and walked around, and being the only girl there, i was bullied :( boos. it's okay, they're freaks. reached our two-day 'home' at Desa Perwira and found my little cousin there. he keep on wanting me to carry him, act cute la shit. hahh. anyway, i did carry him in the end. but the experience was badddd. he love spitting at us, stepping on our bodies when we're still sleepin and slappin our faces! grr!

den went into the room and they lit their cigs. iskandar (the small, naughty cousin) was in the room too. he wanted to smoke too, so they held the cig, and he sucked in and breathed out the smoke. den! he wanted more, wat a young asshole. hahaha. den after that went to watch Step Up with them, while playin poker cards. hahaha, funny la. den the next day, went to the bdae party at Ros Merah, and so many people were there, even some hot Mat Johor guys. nyahaha.

den after eating and all, went to walk around the quiet roads. it really did eased my mind. they sat down bside this longkang, and smoked. den abg alee's two friends came with their motor. den they made friends with us and sat down and smoked too. den i asked abg ashraf whether he could ride a motor, den he said yeah. den i asked him to bring me around the roads, i wanna try. den he said that he's scared to bring ME on the motor. wuekkkkkkkkk. den i asked abg alee, but he said the same thing. den he asked me to ask his friend. but i didnt want to. den he asked for me, den he said okay. but before i went up the motor, that guy whispered to me, to hold him tight. i accidentally screamed, TIGHT? hahaha. wat for hold him? its an empty and wide road la please. so i decided not to take the ride anymore.

that night, Ashraf! missed call me. i was so happy, i thought he forgot bout me. yayyy. den Iqbal called me up, but i didnt answer. i remembered wat Ashraf! told me. i have to listen to wat he say. for my own good and his. right dear?

the last night was spent at a club in Johor. didnt wanna go at first, but they ALL forced along. so i had no choice but to follow them, but promised myself not to do anythin stupid. so over there, they smoked sisha den smoked their cigs, and abg alee and abg azim drank. i just sat there and enjoyed the laugh and the music. the music's great la ok! (: spent hours there, and walked home at 3 mornin. it was weird, cos two people were drunk and we werent used to it. me and abg ashraf held abg azim and my brother and aliff held abg alee. they were in total drunkness. muttered stupid stuffs, and abg azim kept on swearing that he'd marry the girl at the phone shop at Carrefour. umm okay? hahahahhhh. we were like laughing our asses off till we reached home and lay them on the bed. everyone was asleep by then, and he four of us played poker cards. aliff wanted to torn at first, but through the middle of the game, his eyes kept on growin smaller. so everyone slept after just one game. woahhhh, wat a nite.

den in the morning, everyone woke up by force from granny. she kept reminding us not to be late cos she fear that the causeway'd get jammed in the afternoon. but still, we could only manage to wake up at 1+ hahaha. and den everyone took a bath and went to eat at Komtar before we go back to spore. hugged and said bye to abg alee and abg ashraf and went off. its just two days and it was total madness ok! i couldnt imagine how the 18th trip would be like. its gonna b a one-week full of madness.

reached spore, and msg-ed syukBF and told him that im back and his chewin gums are with me. but he didnt reply :( den reached home, he told me that he cant msg me. i said its okay, and promised to pass him his chewin gums once i meet him. hahah. passed the customs, and straight away gave Ashraf! a call. gave each other a kiss and hung up. reached home and went online. chatted with akimBABE. yeahhhh.

yesterday nite was kinda hurtful :( msg-ed him twice and he didnt reply. den called him up and he said he was at Esplanade with his friends. den he whispered, 'i call u back wen i reach home k?' den i just hung up. the way he whispered and the way he really wanted to put down the fone really stinged my heart. like there was some other people there. msg-ed him and told him that i dun want him to call me dat nite. den he didnt reply. went to watch Hikmah with watery eyes and after that, went straight to sleep. woke up in the middle of the nite, kept on coughing and eventually led me running to the toilet. and i puked. ergh. that was the most disgustin feeling i'd ever wanted to feel.

den after quality time in the toilet, went back to bed, and i couldnt sleep. thinkin bout him :( so called him up and we talked for only awhile. he kept on saying that he's havin a small headache. so i told him to just hang up the fone, and we'll talk next tyme. and he agreed, hmphff.

and sumthing else bad happened today :( msg-ed him twice this morning and he didnt reply again. ergh. shitness la. den called him up and he asnwered, den he asked me wats with the msg. den i said, nth. den i said, i wanted to hang up, and i did. den he msg-ed me, 'wats wit u? can u stop thinkin negative? i stil luv u.'

im feelin bad now, i tink i have not been a good girl by his side. i think i really did change. and despite all the efforts of gettin back to normal, i dun tink its workin out, really. :( only he can change me, i guess. hope he'd b patient. i really love him. just scared of losin him, thats all.

will you let me,
let me love you?

omfg la.
im feelin so depressed,

why must we always quarrell for no reason? i hope this wont be an end to our relationship. its been two months plus i've known him. i've known him well enough to make myself realise that he is the one for me. i'd do anythin to convince him that a special part of my heart is reserved especially for him, for him to make it shine brighter and to make me live the rest of my life with a smile on my face and with him beside me. my life is now officially all about him. =/

i know i've changed into a stupid negative-thinkin girl. i wish i could stop all that. i wanna be the girl he liked last time, the girl who was just being herself. he told me i change abit. well i thought about it. it's not that i changed, its just because i admit that i did some stupid stuffs, but i didnt know that it would let people's impressions about me change in a blink of an eye? okay, maybe i did changed abit, just a tiny little bit. but who freakin cares? i dun think anyone does.

does he?

well, i guess i'll have to answer that myself den. :(

why oh why didnt you reply my message? its sent at 16:45. and now's 5:39. heck, it's been almost an hour since i've waited for your reply. i looked like a stupid stupid fool. my faith is gone, all of it, really :( i dun know who to turn to now. and julie, thanks for everything. thanks for bringing my strength back, yeah i've gotta b strong. he really is one of a kind, and i hope that he'll b mine forever ever. and whatever happens, i'll have to let the truth go.

dian, you're back from camp. yessssa! missed you. and its nice to finally hear from you after a while (: you're one of the best girlfrennnns i could ever have. you shower my world with all the love i need from a goodie friend, lovin you to bits dear.

syuk, you're the best boi-frennn i could ever have, (nvr could b compared to Ashraf) ! you listened to all my problems, you teach me all kinds of stupid but yet cute words that could never b found in the dictionary. but perhaps in mine, yeah. you cheered me up and make this world a much happier one for me. i've never regretted havin you around. you are a blessing for me.

akim, my special babe! oh goshhhh. its just been another one of those effing boring days, and suddenly you showed up on msn! thank God, you saved me from total boredom. hahah. seems like i've just known you for one day, but it felt like we've known each other for so long. we joked bout almost everything, right babe? you mat rock. eh no, you rocker. no mats for you eh? keep on rockin my life, people!

all this special people entertained me and made me happy today, that i just couldnt help it but write bout them here! i would have been doing nothing xcept lay on the bed and groaning, if its not for them. that's why i'll b missing them when i go for tomorrow. boohoo. :( but cant wait till i cum back spore. and please baby, please reply soon. dun tick the time awayyyy.

and boy,
you gotta be mine.