HAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY TO NATZIPOO :D
(today she didnt come to school lah)

its been so long since i updated this..& i was in for a surprise when i saw how alot of fuckedup passerbys who tagged my board! but i couldnt care less to fight wit 'em. so i just got them off my tagboard. nw i can say that im not childish like those anonymous passerbys okeh! :DD

so tonight's gonna celebrate nat's bday @ d bbq pit. & tmrw's my birthdayyyyy :D watchin' movie, i think, with nazirah, safarwani, aishah, aqilah & ashraf :D

FYI, tmrw's friday already!
how amazingly fast time passed by me.

last two days, after school had lunch @ Nora's house. we cooked maggeee and drank nice orange juice for me and fruit juice for her. i left for home with a big stomach :D but it doesnt matter, cos we had P.E. dat day. ran our 2.4 (we cheated again as usual but still passed) & we took our monthly weight. i went dwn a kilo. and i dun even know how dat happened. mayb its bcos of d march holidays, where sleeping = burning calories. x_x

yesterday's art was fantastic, spent the 45 minutes in class designing our alphabetical letters! it was fun, cos d box on d paper was small & we had to just fit in an obvious portion of each letter into it. i think the hardest letters were C, D & S. and Z and N are xactly d same, so i missed out on the Z. & d peranakan teacher told us dat in d nxt few weeks, we gonna spend alot of time in d computer lab cos we're gonna study bout designing & using Photoshop! Now, this is d part about art dat i love most. :D

today, ended off surprisingly quick, rather den ytdy. today's periods r supposed to b more suffering den compared to ytdy's periods. but ytdy's periods felt longer den today's. How odd. & ytdy's A Math, i slept in class, but today i didnt. today i officially irritated Nurul with my lame jokes, but it doesnt matter if its lame, cos it made her laugh anyw. & today's CME period was okay, i liked it alot. we did our own 'book'. HA-HA! =/

so tmrw, i hav yet to meet him. HAPPINESS CAN? :D its been like 2 weeks i didnt get to see him. so tmrw after art, gonna meet him & gonna hug him really tight. really, really tight. super tight! =D

i miss ajim :(
he owe me a Seoul Garden treat,
& he's at Johor nw running away from me.
someone's gotta remind him this,
cos im gonna kill him if he leaves a debt!
(watch out)

okay, did i mentioned how stupid i feel today?
DESPITE THIS BEING THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? woaahhhhhhhh~

i am so freaking tired, i woke up late & called Nurul up and only realised dat i was late already & didnt even noticed it. x_x
(silence)
how stupid can i b?

& today's school periods r considered short cos it starts at 9 today, but it felt like sooo long. after school, ate at FC wit Nora & Nurul, den headed home. bathed, den sleep. well, i shouldnt bath first lah, cos i smell like a baby bushuk smell! HA! =/

and did i told you how comfortable (and steam) to sleep without shorts? haha. and get the fan wind blowing at you? cooling lah. okay, thats all. he's now at KBOX. & mayb tmrw meeting him. finaaaaaally. :D

i gtg nw, ngaji's callin' me. im such an innocent (+ stupid) kiddo.
but who cares, as long as im happy wit myself :D

i keep wondering if what we hav will stay....
but no matter what happens, i'll nvr forget you

how come i dun hav anything to do for d previous two days? like, i hav nth to do at all, & i cant even think of smth fun to do! ytdy nite when i met my mum, i asked her why. (i was drinking coffeebean pure choc at d time) & she said i was having brainfreeze. & then she laughed at her own joke. someone's gotta remind her someday dat her wrinkles are starting to show, haha.

ooooh, d song in mazleena' s blog is nice, pple shld go listen to it. gets you on your feet lar seh~ & this is d song dat i accidentally deleted from my hp! Arhhh. & i dun know where else to find lah. anybody with dat song, pls send to me can? :D

& HAPPPPPINNNEEEESSSSSSS :D today's d last day of march hols. i cant wait to start school again nxt monday, its been like forever since i've seen my skulmates lah, especially d class pple. Arhhh.. i miss evrrrrythang! nvrm, i shall get it all back nxt week, time's gonna past by fast, i tell you. :D

& ytdy i finally got to meet up with Nisaaaaaaaaa, ohhhh yeah baybehhhhhh! :D she's labelled as 'd 25th story gerl' by ME :D ytdy met mummy at j8 to hav dinner at LJS. den went back home, & saw her under my block wit izah. so i took d opportunity to hang ard under d block for awhile. asked mummy for permission and she said okay, but i had to get back upstairs by 10 sharp cos dats when my daddy comes home. so i said okay, and made friends with izah, she's a real nice girl eh. (: & im so super happy dat me & Nisa hav finally done our catching-ups! cos we were like planning to do dis since d last 2 mths, but its been difficult, cos she's been staying over at her stepdad's house at Clementi since d starting of the year. pfft. how stressful for me, cos it makes me miss her :(

so mayb i quarelled abit with him ytdy, but we went back to normal at 2 in d morning, when he msg-ed me saying sorry. so everything's okay now, i guess. later on in d afternoon, mayb goin to pasir ris (my cousin's hse) cos she said she hav some clothes to giv to me. :D im priviledged to hav THREE older girl cousins cos they alw hav some clothes dat they overwear throughout d months. so i'll alw hav free & nice clothes given by them all d time. how sweet is dat?

Arhhhhh..

I AM SO PISSED. see, i told mum ytdy nite dat im going town with Nurul, Nora & Natz. she said ok. but today morning, she was such in a rush dat she forgot to leave the $$$ & my hp in my room. & i hav no money to go out. den called mum up, den she asked me to wait till my dad goes to work. and by 11, he's still sleeping SO soundly. so i decided not to keep them waiting, and just tell them dat i wont b going today. what a fcuking waste lah. and now i hav nth better to do other den hanging ard de computer and the tv: my ultimate profession. (this is so boring & sickening) pffffffffft.

watching Room Raiders on MTV & one of the guy's room is so awful can?! his toilet's like so messed up with shits he dun even know how to flush down, and under his bed, there's so much gooey stuffs. i dun think any girl should ever go on a date with him. EEEWWWW.

and so, i hav to stop all this lazing ard and start on my hmework: one malay comprehension, and two english poems. oh, and i havent done the E-Math homewerk yet. i dun think im gonna do it anyw.

anyw, there was something super sweet bout him ytdy nite when we were talking on the fone. he was having this different feeling ytdy, like i dun know, a totally different inner person? and he made me feel xtra special too with dat msg he sent to me before i slept. :D i cant wait to meet him again, cos i spent like two weeks without seeing him. and i can die of missing him..

TWO WEEKS & 3 DAYS TO MY BDAY :D
TWO WEEKS TO OUR 6-MTHS :D

'Just because i love you.. that's the reason why my soul is full of colour like the wings of a butterfly..'

Everything seems to b where its supposed to b now :D

and yesterday dad brought me & Brother out to hav lunch & Brother had to go for a medical check-up for the sp thingy @ Orchard Building. so i just tagged along lah, den dad brought us to Lucky Plaza & we had the best chicken rice in Singapore, (dats wat i think).

den he had to rush back to work, cos he received an emergency call or smth, so me & Brother went back home ourselves. so although we had a short time together, its still quality time, as quoted by my dad. HAHA! :D

and a short post for today i guess :D wanna hav a rest & wash my clothes lah, its rotting in the washing machine! =0 haha, oh and i forgot to say, yesterday nite had a long chat with Dian Tamp & Nazirah plus Wanie too. it was superfunny cos we knew wat Farhan were to say to Wanie and we were like shouting & screaming over the fone. well, its just great to catch up with them yesterday, there were so much to tell, so little time..

ahh. i misssssss him! :(

just when everything's starting to seem right, ..
it FELT wrong. :(

my prepaid left me with 18 cents & i dun know how to contact him anymore. and guess wat, im tired of alw being the one to contact him instead of the other way, IM TIRED!! looks like i need Nora to tell me what to do again.

time check : 0320 hours
.. and im still awake! :D

waiting for his call, should b in awhile, cos he's out at his friend's house and he told me dat he'll b calling me sometime. anyw, tmrw's gonna b a busy day i guess, cos gonna head to pasir ris (mak yah's house) and tell her the truth, dat she wont b able to stay over at our house for that one whole year. my parents DO HAV reasons ok! i could even list 'em down. but the thing is, we're scared if she'd dislike us cos of this. cos they helped us alot lar seh. =/ and they would think, 'is this how they repay us?' and then we'd not know what to do.

i really wish to continue blogging now, but my laptop's battery's running low. i hav to off the computer real soon, or all my stuff will b gone! right, tkcre okay! :D

i decided to change my blogskin cos i think its gettin' boringgggg. =/

& anyw, i just had a great lunch : BURGER KING :D and this is the first time i ate DOUBLE swiss mushroom, yes double!! but i didnt get to finish it anyw. & ended up giving my brother the rest.

i havent started on my E-learning today, im really not in the mood today to do any Chemistry, but i'll try my best to later. anyw, catched up abit with Hudda Rudegirl these days, been xchanging testimonials with each other. and found out that her school was doing E-learning too. haha, that was actually surprising.

and nadeeeeeea! thanks for the editing our picture taken at the wedding :D imma upload it in the next post okeh.

& im feelin' supersad now, cos just chatted with papa fufumi :( the way he talked was so sad, the way he said that they broke up already. and he asked me to bcome anak yatim for awhile, until he finds a replacement. he'll introduce me to his new wife in the future. and what, im supposed to b in anak yatim house ah now? okeh nvrmind. i hope that there's still at least a tinnie-winnie hope for them to b together again. i shall b patient now, I SHALL B PATIENT ..

ASHRAF, I MISS YOU :(

Hello,
is it me or am i using too much of my blog's space to talk bout him? HMM.

cos there's not much difference in me writing long posts bout him cos it doesnt help. AT ALL. and yes, im tired & i just wanna get on with life. IM TIRED!! and im done nw.

so life's been quite difficult for me these few days/weeks cos there's been too much happenings. and d'yknow dat, one small lie could tend to lead you to another lie, den to another one which you claimed to b your last, but another lie comes after dat cos of ur trouble handling ur self-control, & .. leading to massive destruction to ur life. well, i've had enough before and sworn to mum not to lie again. but yesterday i did lied a v small lie, but i was caught. :(

the small lie : i told mum i ate my lunch, but she saw my 7/11 sandwiches laying still in the fridge and she xploded on me. she said i was pregnant and didnt wanna eat so much, fear of being BONCH.

.. & i've had enough of her accusing me of being pregnant cos im not, IM NOT!! (although i tend to joke bout it wit nora), im not!

and guess wat, i received a testimonial (friendster) from my longtime-nvr-see gf, Dian, and she told me she missed me & asked me to contact her asap. so had nth to do, asked her bout her & papa (fufumi). she told me they broke up ard less den a mth ago. ok, this was DISHEARTENING. so nw im a wat, anak yatim ah? wah great, just bcos of a stupid fight and they broke off after a 6 mths rship together? how come they cant go through this one in a million fight together, just like any other fights they had before? and nw, they choose to part.

BECAUSE THIS IS V DISTURBING, i must say im scared for myself & my own rship.

but i'll try my best to just keep going on. but if its time to really let go, then i should. i must keep repeating this to myself in my head : 'every good thing comes to an end.' and i can nvr deny this quote. it poses a strong sense of comparison on me.

but i swear i'll nvr regret with wat i hav now.

did i mentioned, ?

that i love it when he took my hand and held it tightly, den whispered 'U'RE MINE' into my ears, and added '..FOREVER'. den i smiled, and he looked at me like he wanted to eat me. den i elbowed his stomach, and he shakes his head. i miss fun bus trips with you, where you'll place your arm around my neck and bring me somewhere special. den walk me home and danced clumsy reggaeton moves.

..You alw make me happy & make me smile myself to sleep :)

i miss those times dear, pls wake up and come back to your senses cos dat's wat made me attracted to you in the first place. i missed it when you used to call me during your skul breaks and asked me what i was doing. i missed it when you asked me to take care of myself when i went out with friends cos you claimed me to b your responsibility.

..Tell me, were those all lies? fcuking white lies? just to make me feel happy?

what has bcome of the sweet guy i hav known about more den 6 months ago? i thought i could trust you not to hurt me. but i guess you proved me wrong for nw. and im still hoping for you to come back to your ownself. i hope this will only b for awhile.

rmbr, i'll try my best to b all dat you need. even though i cant promise you the everything you wish for, i'll still try my best to giv you my all. i love you, im still loving you to bits. (my heart could've ripped into two) =/

i'll try not to break away from you ..

hello,

how come every misunderstanding btween me & him can b solved in such a short time? i think it sounds more like a fairytale rather den a true life story, doesnt it..? but my heart kept on denying on that. well, not only my heart, but also every instincts dat im getting. but you know wat, i think i should stop this, i think i should stop blaming just him himself. cos both of us lost it all.

'nth lasts forever.'

so mayb the previous english lesson was useful after all. the song she used, Perfect by Simple Plan just xplains evrything dats happening in my life right this instance. i dun know why but maybe there's a different reason bhind all this. but whatever the reason its gonna b, its taking too long a time. i cant wait anymore. things are gettin' worse. my personal life is ruined, MY PERSONAL LIFE. i seriously lost it a-l-l.

to him : im sorry im acting this way, but im in the 'i-dun-know-wat-to-do' situation. its not that kind of win-lose situation where i can alw balance the success and failure. but in mine, its more to the lose-lose situation. i alw lose. and im tired of it. just giv me some time to think it over. and if you ask me bout wat, well yeah, bout you, me, bout us. bout my life, about every single mistake i've done and i remorsed. i promise i'll try not to break ur heart.

in the end of the day,
i can only promise you tomorrw,
but i cant buy back yesterday :(

why is everybody different?
why must they change their attitudes?
why must they always say dat im the one who's changing myself negatively?
why are they alw blaming me for evrything?
why must they b so mean to leave me foolish, star-strucked in front of my fone?
why must all this stupid things happen in the first place?
ahh, why am i so stupid to just go with the flow?

im sick of evrything dats happening around me. i fall sick for nth, and my mum thinks dat im pregnant just cos i puked so much after eating. how did dat thinking even went to her head? but nevermind, i dun blame her cos guess wat, im a stupid daughter. i dun deserve watever i hav now. im so foolish to treat my parents like dat, but i still got wat i want. i know, dats like fucking unfair to them but they dun hav the heart to NOT giv me wat i want. cos yeah, they love me, i know dat, who doesnt know? but the thing is, i dun know whether i'd b able to repay them wat they hav given me all along. i wanna treat them like how they treat me all this while.

but how to? if everyone in the family keeps on making me look like some stupid bad kid dat they wanna avoid. they look like..they dun wanna admit dat im their kid, the one they..made.

this is just one problem, but im making it look big. but dis problem means a whole lot to me. please let me be me for once.

Hello,
and i guess wat people say is right, every good things must come to an end.

is there such a thing as rehabilitation? cos i think that's the only thing dat i can cling on. every thing i say seem to hav a bad meaning in other people's eyes. i may not hav anyone who (really) unnderstands me. and that's why God created each and everyone of us different. but i seem to hav made too many mistakes.

everyone seem to begin to hate me..?

admit it, im such a loser for all i care. but at least i hav feelings too, i dun allow pple to just come and go out of my life as they like. wat i'll do now is try to protect the person i love, and yes, not to hurt anyone anymore. i promise there 'should' b a change in me.

to him : its not all about you, its also bout my parents, my family, my friends, they all care for me like you said you really do. i may not know the truth bout the message thingy, but i cant stop myself from trusting you. i dun know why, but mayb i shouldnt try to still believe you when my heart's not in it. i must b brave to accept everything dat's true and everything's dats not. cos guess wat, life's not that njoyable.

special shoutout to ca & nurul : thanks for the help, i wouldnt hav survived this stupid thing without you, pls dun stop caring for me. i promise i'll change for the better.

i still love you, rmbr dat.