Thursday, November 30, 2006
friggin shits.
its the starting of the last month of this year.
if you know wat i mean.
today's trip to johor is cancelled, because me, my brother and Aliff is down with fever and cough and whatever sickness you can think of. heck, hope we'd get better before tomorrow. =/ hmm..yesterday was spent with Ashraf
oh my, i miss him so much. the photos in friendster & in my fone arent enough for me to see, so i just had to post it here. whee~
attention! attention everyone! the NUWUL i posted about earlier is not from KCPSS. so dun go calling her and ask her about this, aite! hahaha. funny people la. anyway, i've already posted a picture of the NUWUL i was talking about. so zip up and dun go around spreading stuffs okeh? later on gonna meet Nurul and go shopping. and and! my free LONG JOHN SILVER'S MEAL. WITH! CHEESE. hahaha. its been so long didnt go out with her. i missed her and all my schoolmates. all those sweet memories : before, during and after schooltime. gerek la. [: okay, im quite relieved. yesterday talked to Nurul on the fone. den Ashraf
Dian, where the toot are you?
isnt your camp over yet?
been missing you alot.
cum back online soon okeh?
wheeeeeeeeeeeuu~
to Ridzwan papayaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !
happy one-day-in-advanced birthday.
im sending birthday wishes, from far across the miles
tied with lace and ribbons, my special birthday smile
also hugs and kisses, wrapped in special prayers
happiness and laughter, joy beyond compare
wishing you warm sunshine, each day when you awake
peace within and harmony, with every step you take <3
may God bless you for the rest of your life.
been two days im away from home and yet so much had changed. i feel so wrong, i feel so bad. :( over at Bedok, i was taken aback by the outside world. i forgot about who i am, or maybe who i wanted to be. it's nobody's fault that i cried like a lost child yesterday night. it wasn't THEIR fault that all this happened in the first place. it was mine, and only my fault. i never knew how stupid stuffs can deceive me & change my actual way of thinking. i was just stressed. its been so long i didnt get to meet him, i've been so weak without him standing by me. maybe i was just thinking too much, my brain wanted to explode if it could. im just stressed about thinking that he'd leave me. we're from different worlds, he could leave me in a blink of an eye. i just cant afford to lose him at this point of time, at least. yeah, maybe sorry doesnt solve anything. sorry is just a word, i know. but i mean it when i said it to him. yet he didnt care. yeah fuck, he didnt care when i said that to him a million times yesterday. he didnt replied my messages. so i sat at one side of the house and cried like i've just lost someone i really love.
i know i've not been acting like a good person, these two days back. i've been acting like someone else, someone different from me. way different. im sorry that i did that stupid thing, im so fcuking sorry. just dont leave me. after calling him simultaneously, he called me back. oh yeah he called me back! he said that the thought of leaving me has never crossed his mind before, and its just that he's a little bit angry and disappointed in me.
i've been smiling alot since last night.
and guess wat, he called me up in the morning! when i didnt even contacted him. he still loves me. i think. or maybe i should ask him again? i dont think i should. i might sound like i expect too much. den wat am i supposed to do now? he's off to work again. and on friday gonna be away from home again, will be at johor. atok + auntie lin + natalya's birthday bash. will be missing him alot. and thursday, having my class bbq. when am i supposed to meet him? i only hope that he'd get a break from work and spend just one day with me. then i'll go to johor with a peaceful mind.
and baby,
im still loving you.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Y my besssssssssssssst girlfriend, NUWUL! [:
congrats on your relationship with Mr. Syafiq.
i luv my cyg NUWUL deep deep! <3
MUAAAAAAAAAAAACK2.
you were my strength when i was weak
you were my voice when i couldnt speak
you were my eyes when i couldnt see
you saw the best that was in me
lifted me up when i couldnt reach
you give me faith because you believe,
that im everything i am because you loved me.
i feel so sick thinking of you. you told me you're sick and you cant move that much. so i had to stop messaging you so that you could rest & get well soon. couldnt really get to sleep last night, thinking of you every second. praying hard that you'd be okay. negative thoughts kept invading my mind. something devil in me kept on bugging me, any girl can get him, he's really something. that thought made me cry. i took my phone, & messaged Ashraf, asked him whether i could ask about something. waited fer him to reply, but he didnt. and, i cried until it brought me to sleep. my phone rang at 8 in the morning, ASHRAF! [: appeared on the screen. as sleepy as i am, i could still manage a small smile. i picked up & heard his voice. it sounds like forever since i heard that such sweet voice. yikes! wats wrong with me? maybe im just too happy (:(:(: he asked me wat i wanted to ask him the night before. i told him that it's okay, i dun wanna ask him anymore. in my heart, i didnt wanna hurt him by asking whether he still feels the same or not. i could really feel the sincerity in his voice when i picked up the fone & he said, MORNING DEAR. i coulr really trust that, i guess. didnt wanna ask him at first. but he kept on pressing me. so in the end, i asked him. do you still love me? i took a deep breath, expecting the best, but also preparing for the worse. dear, im sick. i dun feel like msg-ing these few days. im sorry to make you feel like im avoiding you. but im really sick and im too tired to move around. i still love you. dont worry. sorry again. a wide smile crept up & suddenly i felt so happy again. yeah, that's my boy. den he told me that it's okay, and asked me to give him a wake-up call at 12, for work. work, worrrrrrrrrk? sick & still working? he said that it's fine. so alright den! after this going to have dinner at j8 again with my two primary one cousins. tmrw meeting Ashraf, God Willing. [:
baby i love you,
i love you just that way.
Friday, November 24, 2006
hello dear diary,
dear bestest friend.
why do i feel so empty here? why do i feel so abondoned? i dont know why, but i feel so rejected. you dont really entertain me now. you're busy because of work. i dun really care about that, but the more you work, the more i feel so alone. i used to have you sms-ing me every afternoon, but now .. my bill used to be high, but now, my bill is average. i missed sms-ing with you. i missed chatting on the fone with you on late nights. now, you always go to sleep early. why? because you're waking up early for work the next day. i sacrificed so much all this while. but dear, im missing you so much la. the times you used to fetch me from school and go hanging around.
just wanna let you know, that i appreciate all the times we had together. all the love you gave me from the first time we met. you lifted me up when im down. you were my strength & cheered me up whenever i wasnt feeling good. i had it all.
all i want, all i pray for now, is to be with you longer. to spend the rest of my life with you. not letting go of you to anyone else. you're mine. don't ever let go of me, please?
21/11/06went to admiralty and waited for my cousin. they were late by almost an hour! but it's okay. im used to waiting. urgh ok! den went to have our lunch at admiralty's KFC. and while eating, we saw this group of minahs with their obvious coloured hair, spaghetti stripes & tappered jeans. me & nisa were like woaaah. plus, when eating, they keep on staring at us. both of us were like so pissed off la siaa. who wont be? you're eating and you get people staring at you eat. like wth right. so both of us looked at them back la. then at first, it was like 5 on 2 la. den one by one, all of them stopped staring. hahahaha. piece of cake. ooh, so that's how to drive starers off ey? hahaha. okay. then walked to Woodsvale Condominium where my other white cousin lives. then had a security check by the guards before they let us in. do we look like criminals? -.- okay lame la. then get to go in. went to their block and pressed the lift button. went in and took a lot of photos using my phone camera, because the mirror in the lift was like super whoopie BIG! we couldn't help it. reached 14th floor, we had to stop our gimmicks and went out of the lift. oh and by the way, there's such thing as GOING-HOME TIME RIGHT? haha. okay then as soon as i reached the house, i went straight into the baby's room and found her crying. so i carried her and brought her to sleep. and i suddenly thought that im fit to be a mother at this age already. hahahaha. well, that's what my cousin's maid said anyway. that's what they do in indonesia. anyway, the baby's name is Noemie Tiara Bureau. the dad's a french, the mum's a malay. stayed with her & rocked her to sleep for almost an hour. and yeah, i enjoyed what i was doing. hahaha. after that we stayed at the balcony and chatted while we enjoy the 14th floor evening breeze. then at 7, we took off from there. took bus 969 to Tampines Mall, because i didnt wanna go home yet. and i decided to meet my long-lost kindergarten friend who now stays at tampines. she's different la, she was standing right in front of me, and yet i could call her & tell her that we reached early! hahaha. she was tapping my shoulder with a puzzled face. hu hu. hugged her & told her how much she changed, until i couldnt even recognise her. hahaha. den she did the same towards me too. then introduced her with Nisa. den we went to walk around Tampines Mall and den had our dinner at the Banquet. caught up on alot of things with her, im so happy to have her back as a good friend again [: then Nisa had to go home, so everyone wanted to go home too. said farewell to Yati and walked with Nisa to the interchg. she's staying at Simei. and i was so lazy to go back to bishan la, it's getting late anyway. so i decided to sleepover at my cousin's house at pasir ris. wanted to sleep at Nisa's house, but they were going to johor on that night. boo! haha. so i took bus 81, which took me directly in front of the house. reached my cousin's house & called my mum up, told her im sleeping over there. reached there, and he still didnt replied any of my msgs or returned any of my calls. i was effing worried la! felt so down. didnt wanna do anything else except sitting by the window and stare far, far away. hoping he's okay.22/11/06woke up at 12+. then Ashraf called me up. told me what happened yesterday, why he didnt contacted me back. after hearing his explanation, i understand. then he wanna meet me that day. arranged the time with him and slept for awhile before going out. woke up & took a cold bath and prepared myself in front of the mirror, yada yadaaaa. went out at 5.45 and met him at pasir ris interchg at 6 [: den sat down awhile, and talked. den took bus 403 to pasir ris park. AND BLA BLA BLA. that was the romantic-est night i've ever had with him. im so glad to have him beside me all this while. <33>
23/11/06
spent the day at my cousin's house. i had to admit that it was a fcuking boring day la! watched Heart & High School Musical DVDs a thousand times. =x Zac Efron, i wish i could have you. GRR! hahaha. my kakak sedares all went to work la, and the small kids went to the market with their mummys. boo! and i slept for the rest of the day. it was raining, ulalla! woke up at 7+ at night. and i couldnt sleep at night, because i had too much sleep in the afternoon. haha. luckily, at last i had Ashraf to talk with all night.
24/11/06
woke up at 2+ in the afternoon. haha! im a lazybum bum. played with Sherlin, that shortcake all day. den took a bath at 4+ and prepared in front of the mirror, and yada yada yadaaaaa again! went to meet kak Nur and she & her boi brought me to Adam Road & we had dinner there. it was funny talking to abg Zai. he's a hilarious joker la! den they sent me home. so sweet ehk. then reached home & found my two young cousins there, they're sleeping over. and i found out that my brother is off, on the way to Johor. oh well, i called him up & told him that i missed him. yeah, i really do can?
Sunday, November 19, 2006
im back after three days and two nights at pasir ris. before that, met up with ashraf, and he had to go for last-minute werk again. was actually pissed at first, when will i ever have quality time with him again? i always had during skul times. now? not anymore uh. den met with nazirah before going to pasir ris. lepak2, talk2.. den went to Dewan to meet up with her boi. and this guy came to me & sat bside me. asked me alot of bonus questions. he's kind of a joker, but i dont think i can really entertain this type of guys la. my first impression was that he effing looks like a playboy. okay nevermind. omfg, what was i thinking? i already have Ashraf, why should i think of Ihsan? because, these few days, we've been quarelling over and over again about nothing at all. sometimes, he's the one who started it first. and lately, i've been the one who started it. i dont know, but i feel uneasy. like he wants to avoid me. when i called him on his handphone, he didnt pick up. i swear, i called him a million times. but when i called his home, he's there. i dont know, but i felt like he was avoiding me. and we're supposed to meet today, and he cancelled it.
said there wasnt enough time. then why should he even planned it the night before? called him up yesterday using my brother's fone at nite, thought wanted to chat. but he told me he wanted to sleep. huh, so much for my efforts of stealing the fone from my brother's room. i felt like a million dollars when i met you. but now, i think i've went bankrupt. why must we show attitude to each other? i hate it alot, but i hope all this misunderstandings would stop. this thursday's gonna be two months knowing you. dont let it be a torture for me please. just that if you wanna avoid me, do it quick. and dont just leave me like that. my heart's had enough of getting hurt.
Ashraf, i love you. and it's real love that you dont know about. im so lucky to have you by my side. your love for me is more than enough. just don't leave me. please, know that i love you just the way you are. :(
im sick. i shouldnt think too much. im prepared to accept the truth. just count on me for life.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
when you have to look away
when you dont have much to say
that's when i love you
i love you, just that way
to hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk, with two left feet
that's when i love you
i love you, endlessly
and when you're mad cos you lost the game
forget im waiting in the rain
baby i love you
i love you anyway
because here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
because that's when i love you
when nothing you do could change my mind
the more i learn,
the more i love,
the more my heart cant get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what
so when you turn to hide your eyes
because the movie made you cry
that's when i love you
i love you a little more each time
and when you cant quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
that's when i love you
i love you, more than you know
and when you forget that we had a date
or that look that you gave when you showed up late
baby i love you
i love you anyway
that's when i love you
i love you no matter what
no matter what
oh wow.
life's really like a rollercoaster. and with you by my side, it'd turn out to be a worthwhile ride.
was down and felt like killing myself on monday, but my soul still wanted to live.
okay then the next day, went to school to check out the subject combination results with abby, nurul & natazsha. i was satisfied with what i saw, cos i got all the subjects i wanted to learn for next year. den went to met up with jolina at around bishan mrt station. and and headed to vivo city. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! bought tickets for The Covenant and they ate at Carls' Jr.
the fries were heavenly. they had a quick lunch and den headed to the cinema counter and bought my Jumbo Hotdog. and they rushed to put mustard on my hotdog, like wth?
hahahaha, they looked cute la while doing that. then went in the cinema and i sat in the middle of nurul & natazsha. ooooooh, isn't that great? then watched the movie & enjoyed the view of hot guys in the movie. it was so heavenly!
hahahaha. =x then after that, we planned a surprise for nurul. in advance, we decided to celebrate nurul's bday 4 days earlier. abby & jolina went to Breadtalk & bought her a greentea-flavoured birthday cake. while me & natazsha brought nurul to the water thingy at the top floor.and it was pure fun la! hahahaha. and then they arrived with the cake. nurul was overjoyed i guess. oh, and as much as i hated green tea, i just ate a piece. i had to say that it was quite nice yeah. hahahaha. den i gave nurul a kiss on her cheek. happy advanced birthday Nurul, finally, you're fourteen! so we can't disturb you anymore la. boo! hahahaha. okay supposed to meet ashraf today. but he's tired. he even supposed to go to work, but he didnt. he's sleeping now i guess. then tmrw gonna meet him. but guess i'll have to meet him with my Burberry's backpack la. because after spending some time with him tmrw, gonna head off to pasir ris. sleeping over my cousin's house. she needs my help to prepare her 2 younger sisters' bday party goodies for saturday. gonna be fun la packing with her. with her nonsensical jokes which have no meaning at all. so yeah.
taking care.
Monday, November 13, 2006
what i feel now,
is just so damn fucking stress-ed up. just now went to khatib to meet ashraf. then went to the bus stop and met up with fahmi & wan cute. den took bus 969 to tampines interchg, and bought this ice milo from macs. boarded the bus again and stopped at the court. then they played takraw, while i watched them play & waited for dian & wanie. ayie, riduwan & azahar came and played takraw too. while waiting for dian & wanie to arrive - i dont know why, but i caught myself staring at ashraf. the orange shirt, the orange shorts & the black shoes looked cute on him. yeah, so cute. the way he turns and kick the takraw ball, the way he shakes hands with his teammates. he looked like the Perfect Man i've ever wanted to meet. when i reached home, i cried on my bed. i cried and blinked my tears away, i cried and blinked my tears away - like there's no tomorrow. what the hell is wrong with me? i hate my life at home, everyone's pissing me off here. okay fuck, everyone's right in this house, i'm the one who's always wrong. i hope all of you are happy the way you are now. but just as much i love you guys, just because your blood run in my veins, i also hate how you keep me trapped in this world with your naggings and blabberings. it keeps me effing stressed full time. i didnt know that feeling stressed-up would lead me to even think of hurting myself. even though i know that's the wrong thing to do. killing myself would be so much better. but why should i? when i have others who cares for me?
and love me? why should i hurt myself when i still have my friends by my side? why should i kill myself when i still have ashraf to live my life with? i thought about it. well i shouldn't. i decided to think this way, that everything'd be fine after i talk this out with my parents. after i sort the way i think. yeah, hopefully everything'd be fine. i really wish to be like i used to. that one girl who always crack jokes and loves entertaining friends when they're down, even when there's tons others talking behind my back & act goodiegoodie in front of me. i realised i dont need them. the only way to deal with them is to just tag along. you wanna play this game, i'll finish it.
DIAN, JUST TELL YOURSELF TO FUCK OFF & CONTINUE WITH YOUR LIFE.
AND TELL YOURSELF THAT EVERYTHING'D BE FINE.
DON'T THINK TOO MUCH.
FULL-STOP.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
yessssa, it's me again. it's 8.52 am. and im feeling happy. like reallyreally happy. and i think i know why. guess what, he called me up at 2 in the morning. and told me that he'd call me when he reach home. i was more than satisfied that he called me in the first place. then at 2.30+ he called me. l i k e Y A Y ! [: we talked and talked and talkkkkkkked. then i asked him whether he wanted to hang up, cos it's late and he's working the next day. but he said no.he wanna talk to me. so yeah. and we continued talking crap, as usual. then he comes to the mushy stuffs. I l o i k e ! hahahaha. i mean, yeah it's been so long i didn't get to hear that.
and during that time, i wasn't sure of his feelings for me. but the only thing i was sure of, was that my feelings for him are still the same ever since i said those three words back to him. i mean, okay he's busy, let him do his things. i don't wanna disturb him by asking whether he still feels the same. and he said those three words to me, again. after such a long time. oh, how i've missed that. after satisfied talking with him, we hung up. then i suddenly feel that the warmth of the pillow reminds me of his warmth. i miss him so much. yesssssssssssssssssa! meeting him on monday. i can't wait.
i wanna dance with him.
i wanna hug him.
i wanna kiss him.
i just wanna love him.
FRIENDS TILL THE END. [:I CAN EVEN SAY " I L O V E Y O U A L L ".(press on any picture for larger view!)
Friday, November 10, 2006
elo! jeng jeng jeng! hehehe. i feel like blogging, hell yeah! wheeeeeeeeeeeeuu! okay just now was feeling down, & then then then! now happy again (: wow, life's a rollercoaster. hahaha. hmm.. yesterday was fun la. went to meet nurul at her house. then went to plaza singapura. watched Material Girls. it was okay la, but nurul said Step Up's better. so i hope to watch it with friends from Khatib next week. cos my bishan friends watch already la. hahaha. gonna ask them later. yay yay! i miss julie! hehe. have to catch up on alot of things la. plus, i didnt see Dian before. hahaha. okay, tmrw open house for my house (: cousins gonna get together and have some retarded fun. and and! there's gonna be alot alot of food tmrw. .. monday supposed to work coffee bean again. hahaha. but then i tired la. although it's fun. and somemore gonna work as an ice-cream seller. with nurul they all. and monday, supposed to go jln raye with dian tamp & all again! i'd prefer going jln raye with them, so decided not to work on monday. hahaha. so following them! yay yay! haiz. i miss him alooooot la. the last tyme i saw him was on monday. and it's only for a short while :( im grumpy these few days. cos he work everyday, and he cant really talk at night. he's tired, i know, i can sense it. but i'll have to understand & sacrifice la. give & take ehk? hahahaha! okay best! he called me, and im more than satisfied to hear his voice.
because he rocks my world.
oh yeah he does.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
the sweetest i've ever gotten from up there (:
relaxinnnng!
the beauty engraved.
MY TAMPINES SWEETHEARTS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME [:
WHO ELSE WOULD REPLACE THEM?
green is hot! but the thing is, are we?
light orange, black, dark orange? what a contrast.
love my family deep deep (:
i'm boredBORED.
mummy, im tired of snapping pictures!
You lift me up when im down.
abg ku (: playing his imaginary drum. omfg!
Monday, November 06, 2006
a loveletter to you, from me.
ashraf.
the person that's so special to me.
just by looking at your name, my world is six times perfect.
the sun shines six times brighter.
the birds chirp six times louder.
my heart beat six times faster.
maybe my heart has never loved someone so dear like this before.
getting to know him was a tyco altogether.
liking him was a confusion for me.
falling in love with him was a beautiful wonder.
still loving him is a blessing in my life.
im not sure if it's true that he really loves me.
it's not that i dont trust him, i do.
but so far, you proved me that you really do.
im just trying to save what's left now.
just trying hard to enjoy my time with him.
don't wanna waste even for a short while.
i miss him.
i wanna call him now!
aloha everyone =)
i had a great tyme yeshterday. jln raye with ashraf, dian, wanie, wan, wan cute, rusydi, fahmi, afiq, ayie, hafiz & nasri. reached yishun interchg at 12.43 as promised, called ashraf up.
DIAN : where are you?
ASHRAF : oh you da sampai eh? okayokay i go out now.
GRRRRRRRRR! if i didnt call him, he wouldnt have gone out. hahahaha. okay then i waited about 10 minutes & he finally arrived. went to 2 shops & waited for him to buy his stuffs. den 969 came. listened to my mp3, and he danced all through the journey. (IN THE BUS) hahaha, then suddenly he laughed. then he pulled me over and asked me to read something. a vandalism : FREE SEX, CALL 999. its not funny i tell you! but somehow, he liked that joke. hahaha. then reached tampines interchg at 12.30.. but they werent there yet. so we sat down somewhere. and saw fahmi and den talktalk awhile. den he went off to entertain one of Dian's friends while they were late. hahaha. den waited for one hour or so la, den they reached.
like so fucking tired la! okay nevermind, then we waited again! for wanie's boi. and it ate up quite a long time. den we headed to hafiz's house and from there hafiz followed along. and on the 3rd house, ashraf had an emergency call. he had to turn up for werk. if not, his pay will be decreased. he was like so pissed, and i was too. he kept on saying, how could the boss threaten me like that sia? den in my heart,i said, that's what work is all about. making sacrifices. hahahaha, okay den nevermind, i let him go. from then on, i was bullied like ^*&# sia! the boys and Dian also, kept on poking me & tickling me! and i kept on screaming like a stressed-out kid.
hahahaha. okay den bla bla bla.. oh! and i'lll upload pictures soon, yeah? wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeuu! [x today supposed to follow my kakak angkat go do temporary work at novena. but then im so fucking tired from yesterday's screaming la. can't really entertain her much. so i decided to not tag along. sowie kak! :( okay, now im gonna go back to sleep again. the bed's calling me, can you hear it? hahahaha. take muchmuch care! (:
Saturday, November 04, 2006
jambajamba.hahaha, im high today!ask all those online la.haha. i keep on bugging them.and and! i have fun chatting with my uncle ahmad!yay yay! he entertain my craps.i love my uncle ahmad! [:wheeeeeeeuu!..im bored =0my henna's running off & my handphone's confiscated.!@#$%^&*(-its so difficult to contact people now.especially ashraf :(*cries!hmphff, nevermind la.meeting him tmrw.going jalan raye again!with dian & all [:hope i get more money this time.hohohooo.. [xlalalala gasolina! -hehe.. that song makes me swing la!hahaha. hmm..now i think my ashraf's sleeping like a baby at home.worked for such long hours la!cian my dear.. hehegonna contact him only at night,(dont wanna disturb his sleep okay!)den confirm everything by tunight with dian.[: maybe tmrw meeting ashraf at yishun first, den take a straight bus to tampines interchg.that's the meeting point la, at 12.tmrw, me & ashraf wearing pink.hot hot pink.*smacks.butt* hehe..hmm.. what else should i write here?hahaha.. oh yeah! gonna jalan raye with aishah and aqilah one day.sure gonna be fun, although never went out with aishah before.but i guess we'd be good friends :Dlalalalaaa - okeh den, i guess i'll stop here.toodles my dearests.stay sexxxxxy. [:
Dian, where the toot are you?
the sweetest i've ever gotten from up there (:
relaxinnnng!
green is hot! but the thing is, are we?
light orange, black, dark orange? what a contrast.
i'm boredBORED.
mummy, im tired of snapping pictures!
You lift me up when im down.
abg ku (: playing his imaginary drum. omfg!