Monday, November 13, 2006
what i feel now,
is just so damn fucking stress-ed up. just now went to khatib to meet ashraf. then went to the bus stop and met up with fahmi & wan cute. den took bus 969 to tampines interchg, and bought this ice milo from macs. boarded the bus again and stopped at the court. then they played takraw, while i watched them play & waited for dian & wanie. ayie, riduwan & azahar came and played takraw too. while waiting for dian & wanie to arrive - i dont know why, but i caught myself staring at ashraf. the orange shirt, the orange shorts & the black shoes looked cute on him. yeah, so cute. the way he turns and kick the takraw ball, the way he shakes hands with his teammates. he looked like the Perfect Man i've ever wanted to meet. when i reached home, i cried on my bed. i cried and blinked my tears away, i cried and blinked my tears away - like there's no tomorrow. what the hell is wrong with me? i hate my life at home, everyone's pissing me off here. okay fuck, everyone's right in this house, i'm the one who's always wrong. i hope all of you are happy the way you are now. but just as much i love you guys, just because your blood run in my veins, i also hate how you keep me trapped in this world with your naggings and blabberings. it keeps me effing stressed full time. i didnt know that feeling stressed-up would lead me to even think of hurting myself. even though i know that's the wrong thing to do. killing myself would be so much better. but why should i? when i have others who cares for me?
and love me? why should i hurt myself when i still have my friends by my side? why should i kill myself when i still have ashraf to live my life with? i thought about it. well i shouldn't. i decided to think this way, that everything'd be fine after i talk this out with my parents. after i sort the way i think. yeah, hopefully everything'd be fine. i really wish to be like i used to. that one girl who always crack jokes and loves entertaining friends when they're down, even when there's tons others talking behind my back & act goodiegoodie in front of me. i realised i dont need them. the only way to deal with them is to just tag along. you wanna play this game, i'll finish it.
DIAN, JUST TELL YOURSELF TO FUCK OFF & CONTINUE WITH YOUR LIFE.
AND TELL YOURSELF THAT EVERYTHING'D BE FINE.
DON'T THINK TOO MUCH.
FULL-STOP.
