THE REAL GIRL

180507

2007-05-18T00:28:00.000-07:00

I'm back for a post!

And i can never describe how i so miss posting everyday. It's cos im banned from using the computer at home, and exams were around the corner. Now that the exams are over, im still deprived from using the computer, still.

Exam results have been hell for me, especially A Math. I only scored 1/4 of the total marks but I still got a snack from Mr. Tan for improving. It was supposed to be a kind of encouragement, but it seemed like just something extra for me to eat after recess. Again, Nurul was the highest in class, and got a pack of potato chips. I could buy that with a few cents lah, please! I wish I'd done as well as the others in the class, I mean, better, but I guess I chose the wrong subject.

So its been two weeks since I met him, and the last time, something terrible happened. But all's well now, and I'm gonna finally meet up with him next Monday. I really feel like we're having this kind of long-distance relationship, but it's just too bad that his school is at Simei and mine's at Bishan. But it's okay, because I couldn't get any other guy better than him, anyway. This 28th gonna be our 8th month together, and I would really like to say thanks to him for everything he'd done for me, because I now discovered that he often passes by my blog. How mysterious..

You may be wondering how I'd sneaked out to post, but I'm now in the computer lab in school, actually doing a research for Art. So maybe I'll pop in someday and post again. For now, take care all! :D

250407

2007-04-25T02:15:00.000-07:00

HAHA HELLO :)

240407

2007-04-24T02:29:00.000-07:00

i am totally screwed!
i deleted my friendster account which obviously had so much memories in it!
and created a new one :)
add me up okay pple? im now like a loner, no friends :(
HAHA! so im so damn bored now, my heart's torn into pieces cos i keep on thinking bout my friendster account.

now chatting with Natz & Wanie.
doing some catching up with her & she said she saw Ashraf at Jurong, the carwash place. :D
now i think gonna call Ashraf as he seems to be the last straw of entertainment for me!

anyw, my new friendster acc : brightmorningstar-@hotmail.com
ADDDDDDDDD ME UP! :D

230407

2007-04-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

'this will never happen again...'

im back people, but i hav to let y'all knw dat i wont really be actively blogging these days, cos having a slight problem with using the computer at home. been strictly banned for using the computer on reasons dat i abused it. yes i knw dat this has happened for the umpteenth time, but i dun think i will ever stop from blogging cos it happened to be part of my life, something i alw look forward to coming home to.

well, these few days have been quite a wonder :) so just now we had A M ath test and i can confirm with you that i'll fail the test although i made full use of the time to figure out what the questions mean. After the test, Priscilla asked me, 'did you draw the graph?' and i was like, 'what graph? the question asked us to draw a graph?' YES, FUNNY. i told you i didnt understand any questions. so i kinda wrote down everything i self-studied at home the previous weekend. and after awhile it looked like i was boasting: i was pouring out all the knowledge i had about that topic. especially alpha-beta. but what could i do? that was the only solution visible to me.

so i supposed to hav 3 hours of detention today after school, but i only served for 1hr & 15 mins. cos one thing, i arrived 15 mins late due to the heavy raining. and i wasnt feeling well. plus i had to get home by 5.15 so dat my daddy wouldnt knw. so mayb im finishing the 1hr & 45 mins of what's left tmrw. wish me luck okay? detention is so darn boring without anyone to entertain me! :(

i hope the latest blogskin im using now is okay for the time being.
i realised that the previous one was kind of irritating, so i decided to change it.
does this look better, Nurul?

'i love you Muhammad Ashraf' :)

190407

2007-04-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

forgive & forget,
that is whats important nw..

150407

2007-04-14T15:55:00.001-07:00

a few days passed me by, but it felt like mths.. how am i supposed to let you go? to place you somewhere far when you're so close to my heart? we nvr considered how hard its gonna be for us. i dun know bout you, but i give up, i seriously do.

TO NURUL & ALL THOSE WHO BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID I COULD MAKE IT :

i rest my case. the truth is, i want him back, really..eveyrthing around me reminds me of you, how could i not think of you for even one minute? my Brother talks about Mr. Bean, and thats when i thought of you. i woke up in the middle of the nite and thought of you. i try to study, but your name is all over the textbooks. i cant possibly get over you, fullstop. what my mum said to him was full of bullshit, it wasnt him that my studies r dropping, it wasnt him that made me so stupid. the only reason im living for now is myself. yes,

I MADE MYSELF STUPID

I MADE MYSELF NOT TO STUDY

I MADE MYSELF FLOP IN CLASS TESTS

I MADE MYSELF LOOK STUPID IN DADDY'S EYES

but nw..

HE MADE ME NOT TO STUDY

HE MADE ME CRY

HE MADE ME LOSE THAT FAITH IN MYSELF

HE MADE ME FAIL IN LIFE

it may be just a few days, but could you see how bad its gonna be in the future? i was going on fine without you for the first, second days, but my heart's been so hurt, i dun know wat else to do but wait for you to answer my call.

i will never give up in getting you back, for my life's now devoted to you.

but im so hopeless..

150407

2007-04-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

dragonboating = fun :D

100407

2007-04-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

nowadays often hang out with Adlina & Dino.
and lemme tell you, AMK's the best place to rest!

IM GLAD THAT EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW.
I LOVE YOU BUSHUK, I'LL NEVER EVER TRADE YOU EVEN FOR A THOUSAND M&M'S :D

tmrw's another school day, meeting Lin & Dino at Bishan Park bus stop after school.
tkcre people, i'll be back nxt tyme!

090407

2007-04-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

when i think about it again,
why did i let you go?

080407

2007-04-07T17:23:00.000-07:00

thx for being strong during these times. but pls stop giving me hope, cos i want to put a stop to all this. i suffered, you did too. but i dun think you deserve that. so i wanna say sorry for giving you so many good times...but i hope you wont forget them. im so tired of all this secrets, who needs them? i wanna be free like everyone.

i wanna make lots of friends while i can. but mayb i dun deserve a guy like you, mayb you're too good for me, or mayb you're too patient to make me realise from my mistake? people r asking me to calm down, but i cant, cos you're still on my mind.

Boy, i hav loved you ever since, its up to you to believe it or not. but if i love you, i'll hav to let go. cos i dun want to see my loved one suffering, would i? im sorry to make you believe all the sweet nothings i whispered into your ears. i just dun want you to be the victim of my sufferings anymore. i want you to be like how you used to be, free from everything.

imma let you go nw.
im so sorry..

080407

2007-04-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

mayb i was wrong, mayb the previous two days were so okay for me :D

on good friday, went out with ajim, aman & andi. first, went to marina square, ate @ Burger King. and guess what a stupid person would do, Aman went to the counter place and asked for the Burger King paper crown and came back to our place. & he placed it on my head. den the guy who gave him the crown came to our table with my late fries and wished me happy birthday. Arhh.. it was quite embarrassing lah! =/

den went to play pool and yeah, i lost to them : 4th placing. but its okay right? cos im like the youngest there. den we had bowling :D i came in third, WOOOH! (how about that!) =D den we went to Esplanade and hung around there. then i saw Nazirah Msl! WOOOOOOH! :D she was with her bf. so we kinda talked quite long and we had the same fone. HA-HA! talked for very long, then my cousins' faces were getting bored. so i bid goodbye and we went back to Marina Square and bought Mr. Bean tix. i mind watching it for the second time but it's okay. and i saw Dian Khatib with her friend there too, so i said hello and bye. :D

after the movie, went to eat at Seoul Garden, (ajim's treat)! it was the best thing that he did for me lah. :D had fun there, den walked at Esplanade for the last time and took off from there at around 11+. took the train home and everyone ended up sleeping at my house.

050407

2007-04-05T02:01:00.000-07:00

its 5:02pm and im back.

my ppaid fone is lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARHHHH..i think mummy took it. im gonna hav a hell of a time later. SURE get scolded. im such a clumsy fcuking shit.

& just now went to meet Ashraf. we were both like so stiff, we werent talking to each other. waiting for the bus, he sighed so heavily. in the bus, he listened to his mp3 but didnt offer me one earpiece like he alw do. i STIFFLED. going home time, he only muttered 'the bus is here' and i got in the bus and he left. he didnt giv me gudbye kiss as alw. this is the worst day i ever had with him. sat dwn under the usual block, there were 4 CIDs walking ard, so we sat opposite each other. i faced the bicycles and he faced the checkered table. silence all the way. its like we were strangers. went home, messaged him and he didnt even bother to reply. so i called him up, and asked him why he didnt reply, den he simply answered, 'reply wat?' so i said nevermind. BUT MY HEART'S BURNINGGG MADNESS!

how sick can this be?

& he still can ask me why i asked about the break thingy. i was too lazy to answer. he keep on saying i was being stubborn. who the hell is stubborn nw? these 3 days ahead is gonna be hell for me, i swear it will be. i wont get to contact him (nw dat my ppaid fone is revealed), and he's angry with me. mummy's angry with me too. how the hell am i gonna cope with all this? to think dat he could do anything in the 3 days without even hearing my voice, its terrible. from the past bad xperiences he told me, i knw its gonna be so difficult for me. why cant my life be like other teens out there? having fun, bad luck only once in a blue moon? i dun get it. why would everyone hate him? why would mummy dislike him so much, why must God take him away from me? WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY? :(

but nevertheless, i will be strong and not cry infront of anyone.
not even him. im not weak. i will not be weak anymore.
because i know im not supid to be treated this way.

040407

2007-04-04T02:59:00.000-07:00

on 2nd april, my cousin was caught in an accident involving 3 buses. HE was the only one injured. Bik Jah called up, and told us to watch the news, den told us that Aman was the guy they were talking about. i was so hellllllll shocked i tell you! so the next day after school, i turon Marsiling to jengok him. he was still in a state of shock, & i watched him eat his painkiller pill which was as big as an earpiece. he wasnt acting like himself though, but i managed to cheer him up abit :D

so ytdy was kinda stupid, reached home at 11+ & straight away crashed the bed. was so sleepy lah, couldnt help it! den at around 2+, he called me up & told me dat he couldnt sleep. so i accompanied him from 2-5. I STAYED UP AND ENTERTAINED HIS CRAP TALKING + SACRIFICED MY PRECIOUS SLEEPING TIME. but its okay, i guess. so i slept quite alot of times in school today. was even called out by Mr Tan Jee Yen to wakey-wakey.

& i hav a pair of vogue red shades + some earrings from nurul & nora. thx :D

i promised to bring Namirah along to Khatib last week to meet Akim, but i wasnt free. so i guess mayb d next week or smth. :)

tmrw meeting Ashraf, finally :D we were kinda having a small fight over small matters but we ended up giving in to each other. that's the way, isnt it?

& did i mentioned? : im so loving my new fone can? but the battery dies real quick. i hate that part.

NEXT TUESDAY : IMMA GO LAVENDER TO MAKE IC WITH NATZ. (im gonna hav a pink card, teeheeks!)

"HIM = LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Y"

020407

2007-04-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

020706

2007-04-01T14:49:00.000-07:00

its already two days passed my birthday, it felt so fast!

okeh, on d nite of 30th March, we celebrated Natz birthday, so here imma upload d photos after this post okay? so we had a hell of a good time there with friends & all. the birthday girl was feeling high the minute i bounced a balloon on her forehead! HAHA! =D

so at d strike of midnite, messages keep coming in, but i was asleep, haha. den mummy woke me up & told me there's someone the house fone wanting to talk to me. so i went to it, den found out dat it was Dian Tamp. she told me she couldnt reach my hp, so she called me here. i said thx, and hung up. den another surprise came in :D haha. den, went back to sleep. 3 pple disturbed my sleep : Akim, DickHead, Iqbal & Ashraf. they wished me thru my ppaid & dat left me awake. i couldnt sleep anymore. so Ashraf accompanied me thru d nite.

so d next morning, woke up & reply all d messages real quick, den headed for a bath. met Natz @ interchg with my present, (& she wore the dress i bought for her) & later on, Nurul came. i went off first, to meet Ashraf @ d mrt station & we headed of to town together. den we watched Mr. Bean's Holiday, & 'twas kinda boring, but he loved it, i tell you! haha. every stupid move Mr. Bean makes, he laugh out like hell. so i enjoyed dat movie even though we were like sitting in the first side row. dat was the last thing i wanted, to sit in the first row & pain my neck.

after d movie, went to meet Aishah & Aqilah :D went to Far East Plaza & had our lunch @ LJS. Aishah told me she saw Irwan there, but i didnt see him. HAHA! so we ate and he made jokes out of nth, but they liked it, i was used to it. :D den was waiting for bus 162 to Esplanade & when it arrived, we flaged for it, but it just went by. so we took a cab (my treat, cos i hadnt used any money yet)! reached there, me & Ashraf sat down while both of them went to penin to meet their friend. so we talked till 9+ den met them Marina Bay steps. i had a great nite with him, i must say. :D

den on sunday (010407), my family brought me to Swensen's & we had dinner there. after dat, they bought for me Nokia 5300, the one i wanted. i was so damn happy lah! :D anyw, at Swensen's, we finished our main course meal, den was flipping thru the pages of the dessert menu, & suddenly there's this Giant Earthquake ice-cream infront of me with a 15 candles lit. i was +++shocked when about 6-7 staff of the Swensen's came to our table and sang d happy birthday song to me. plus, d ice-cream was free. i said thank you, and they left me burning there. everyone was like looking at me, i dun know, smiling? HAHA. thx mummy, i know you're behind all this :D

so i guess my bday's not over already. Ajim owes me a bday treat & there's gonna b a pit on Good Friday especially for me. i think im pampered, dun you think so? =/

ytdy was April Fool's, & i was tricked by 3 pple : Ashraf, Eman & Hana. IM STUPID STUPID STUPIDDD TO NOT RMBR DAT IT WAS APRIL FOOL'S! ARHHHH!.. :D

300307

2007-03-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY TO NATZIPOO :D
(today she didnt come to school lah)

its been so long since i updated this..& i was in for a surprise when i saw how alot of fuckedup passerbys who tagged my board! but i couldnt care less to fight wit 'em. so i just got them off my tagboard. nw i can say that im not childish like those anonymous passerbys okeh! :DD

so tonight's gonna celebrate nat's bday @ d bbq pit. & tmrw's my birthdayyyyy :D watchin' movie, i think, with nazirah, safarwani, aishah, aqilah & ashraf :D

220307

2007-03-22T01:28:00.000-07:00

FYI, tmrw's friday already!
how amazingly fast time passed by me.

last two days, after school had lunch @ Nora's house. we cooked maggeee and drank nice orange juice for me and fruit juice for her. i left for home with a big stomach :D but it doesnt matter, cos we had P.E. dat day. ran our 2.4 (we cheated again as usual but still passed) & we took our monthly weight. i went dwn a kilo. and i dun even know how dat happened. mayb its bcos of d march holidays, where sleeping = burning calories. x_x

yesterday's art was fantastic, spent the 45 minutes in class designing our alphabetical letters! it was fun, cos d box on d paper was small & we had to just fit in an obvious portion of each letter into it. i think the hardest letters were C, D & S. and Z and N are xactly d same, so i missed out on the Z. & d peranakan teacher told us dat in d nxt few weeks, we gonna spend alot of time in d computer lab cos we're gonna study bout designing & using Photoshop! Now, this is d part about art dat i love most. :D

today, ended off surprisingly quick, rather den ytdy. today's periods r supposed to b more suffering den compared to ytdy's periods. but ytdy's periods felt longer den today's. How odd. & ytdy's A Math, i slept in class, but today i didnt. today i officially irritated Nurul with my lame jokes, but it doesnt matter if its lame, cos it made her laugh anyw. & today's CME period was okay, i liked it alot. we did our own 'book'. HA-HA! =/

so tmrw, i hav yet to meet him. HAPPINESS CAN? :D its been like 2 weeks i didnt get to see him. so tmrw after art, gonna meet him & gonna hug him really tight. really, really tight. super tight! =D

i miss ajim :(
he owe me a Seoul Garden treat,
& he's at Johor nw running away from me.
someone's gotta remind him this,
cos im gonna kill him if he leaves a debt!
(watch out)

190307

2007-03-19T04:02:00.000-07:00

okay, did i mentioned how stupid i feel today?
DESPITE THIS BEING THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? woaahhhhhhhh~

i am so freaking tired, i woke up late & called Nurul up and only realised dat i was late already & didnt even noticed it. x_x
(silence)
how stupid can i b?

& today's school periods r considered short cos it starts at 9 today, but it felt like sooo long. after school, ate at FC wit Nora & Nurul, den headed home. bathed, den sleep. well, i shouldnt bath first lah, cos i smell like a baby bushuk smell! HA! =/

and did i told you how comfortable (and steam) to sleep without shorts? haha. and get the fan wind blowing at you? cooling lah. okay, thats all. he's now at KBOX. & mayb tmrw meeting him. finaaaaaally. :D

i gtg nw, ngaji's callin' me. im such an innocent (+ stupid) kiddo.
but who cares, as long as im happy wit myself :D

160307

2007-03-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

i keep wondering if what we hav will stay....
but no matter what happens, i'll nvr forget you

how come i dun hav anything to do for d previous two days? like, i hav nth to do at all, & i cant even think of smth fun to do! ytdy nite when i met my mum, i asked her why. (i was drinking coffeebean pure choc at d time) & she said i was having brainfreeze. & then she laughed at her own joke. someone's gotta remind her someday dat her wrinkles are starting to show, haha.

ooooh, d song in mazleena' s blog is nice, pple shld go listen to it. gets you on your feet lar seh~ & this is d song dat i accidentally deleted from my hp! Arhhh. & i dun know where else to find lah. anybody with dat song, pls send to me can? :D

& HAPPPPPINNNEEEESSSSSSS :D today's d last day of march hols. i cant wait to start school again nxt monday, its been like forever since i've seen my skulmates lah, especially d class pple. Arhhh.. i miss evrrrrythang! nvrm, i shall get it all back nxt week, time's gonna past by fast, i tell you. :D

& ytdy i finally got to meet up with Nisaaaaaaaaa, ohhhh yeah baybehhhhhh! :D she's labelled as 'd 25th story gerl' by ME :D ytdy met mummy at j8 to hav dinner at LJS. den went back home, & saw her under my block wit izah. so i took d opportunity to hang ard under d block for awhile. asked mummy for permission and she said okay, but i had to get back upstairs by 10 sharp cos dats when my daddy comes home. so i said okay, and made friends with izah, she's a real nice girl eh. (: & im so super happy dat me & Nisa hav finally done our catching-ups! cos we were like planning to do dis since d last 2 mths, but its been difficult, cos she's been staying over at her stepdad's house at Clementi since d starting of the year. pfft. how stressful for me, cos it makes me miss her :(

so mayb i quarelled abit with him ytdy, but we went back to normal at 2 in d morning, when he msg-ed me saying sorry. so everything's okay now, i guess. later on in d afternoon, mayb goin to pasir ris (my cousin's hse) cos she said she hav some clothes to giv to me. :D im priviledged to hav THREE older girl cousins cos they alw hav some clothes dat they overwear throughout d months. so i'll alw hav free & nice clothes given by them all d time. how sweet is dat?

150307

2007-03-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

Arhhhhh..

I AM SO PISSED. see, i told mum ytdy nite dat im going town with Nurul, Nora & Natz. she said ok. but today morning, she was such in a rush dat she forgot to leave the $$$ & my hp in my room. & i hav no money to go out. den called mum up, den she asked me to wait till my dad goes to work. and by 11, he's still sleeping SO soundly. so i decided not to keep them waiting, and just tell them dat i wont b going today. what a fcuking waste lah. and now i hav nth better to do other den hanging ard de computer and the tv: my ultimate profession. (this is so boring & sickening) pffffffffft.

watching Room Raiders on MTV & one of the guy's room is so awful can?! his toilet's like so messed up with shits he dun even know how to flush down, and under his bed, there's so much gooey stuffs. i dun think any girl should ever go on a date with him. EEEWWWW.

and so, i hav to stop all this lazing ard and start on my hmework: one malay comprehension, and two english poems. oh, and i havent done the E-Math homewerk yet. i dun think im gonna do it anyw.

anyw, there was something super sweet bout him ytdy nite when we were talking on the fone. he was having this different feeling ytdy, like i dun know, a totally different inner person? and he made me feel xtra special too with dat msg he sent to me before i slept. :D i cant wait to meet him again, cos i spent like two weeks without seeing him. and i can die of missing him..

TWO WEEKS & 3 DAYS TO MY BDAY :D
TWO WEEKS TO OUR 6-MTHS :D

'Just because i love you.. that's the reason why my soul is full of colour like the wings of a butterfly..'

140307

2007-03-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

Everything seems to b where its supposed to b now :D

and yesterday dad brought me & Brother out to hav lunch & Brother had to go for a medical check-up for the sp thingy @ Orchard Building. so i just tagged along lah, den dad brought us to Lucky Plaza & we had the best chicken rice in Singapore, (dats wat i think).

den he had to rush back to work, cos he received an emergency call or smth, so me & Brother went back home ourselves. so although we had a short time together, its still quality time, as quoted by my dad. HAHA! :D

and a short post for today i guess :D wanna hav a rest & wash my clothes lah, its rotting in the washing machine! =0 haha, oh and i forgot to say, yesterday nite had a long chat with Dian Tamp & Nazirah plus Wanie too. it was superfunny cos we knew wat Farhan were to say to Wanie and we were like shouting & screaming over the fone. well, its just great to catch up with them yesterday, there were so much to tell, so little time..

ahh. i misssssss him! :(

100307

2007-03-09T11:08:00.000-08:00

just when everything's starting to seem right, ..
it FELT wrong. :(

my prepaid left me with 18 cents & i dun know how to contact him anymore. and guess wat, im tired of alw being the one to contact him instead of the other way, IM TIRED!! looks like i need Nora to tell me what to do again.

time check : 0320 hours
.. and im still awake! :D

waiting for his call, should b in awhile, cos he's out at his friend's house and he told me dat he'll b calling me sometime. anyw, tmrw's gonna b a busy day i guess, cos gonna head to pasir ris (mak yah's house) and tell her the truth, dat she wont b able to stay over at our house for that one whole year. my parents DO HAV reasons ok! i could even list 'em down. but the thing is, we're scared if she'd dislike us cos of this. cos they helped us alot lar seh. =/ and they would think, 'is this how they repay us?' and then we'd not know what to do.

i really wish to continue blogging now, but my laptop's battery's running low. i hav to off the computer real soon, or all my stuff will b gone! right, tkcre okay! :D

090307

2007-03-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

NADEEA & DEEAN :D

cuzziesFOREVER*.

090307

2007-03-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

i decided to change my blogskin cos i think its gettin' boringgggg. =/

& anyw, i just had a great lunch : BURGER KING :D and this is the first time i ate DOUBLE swiss mushroom, yes double!! but i didnt get to finish it anyw. & ended up giving my brother the rest.

i havent started on my E-learning today, im really not in the mood today to do any Chemistry, but i'll try my best to later. anyw, catched up abit with Hudda Rudegirl these days, been xchanging testimonials with each other. and found out that her school was doing E-learning too. haha, that was actually surprising.

and nadeeeeeea! thanks for the editing our picture taken at the wedding :D imma upload it in the next post okeh.

& im feelin' supersad now, cos just chatted with papa fufumi :( the way he talked was so sad, the way he said that they broke up already. and he asked me to bcome anak yatim for awhile, until he finds a replacement. he'll introduce me to his new wife in the future. and what, im supposed to b in anak yatim house ah now? okeh nvrmind. i hope that there's still at least a tinnie-winnie hope for them to b together again. i shall b patient now, I SHALL B PATIENT ..

ASHRAF, I MISS YOU :(

080207

2007-03-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

Hello,
is it me or am i using too much of my blog's space to talk bout him? HMM.

cos there's not much difference in me writing long posts bout him cos it doesnt help. AT ALL. and yes, im tired & i just wanna get on with life. IM TIRED!! and im done nw.

so life's been quite difficult for me these few days/weeks cos there's been too much happenings. and d'yknow dat, one small lie could tend to lead you to another lie, den to another one which you claimed to b your last, but another lie comes after dat cos of ur trouble handling ur self-control, & .. leading to massive destruction to ur life. well, i've had enough before and sworn to mum not to lie again. but yesterday i did lied a v small lie, but i was caught. :(

the small lie : i told mum i ate my lunch, but she saw my 7/11 sandwiches laying still in the fridge and she xploded on me. she said i was pregnant and didnt wanna eat so much, fear of being BONCH.

.. & i've had enough of her accusing me of being pregnant cos im not, IM NOT!! (although i tend to joke bout it wit nora), im not!

and guess wat, i received a testimonial (friendster) from my longtime-nvr-see gf, Dian, and she told me she missed me & asked me to contact her asap. so had nth to do, asked her bout her & papa (fufumi). she told me they broke up ard less den a mth ago. ok, this was DISHEARTENING. so nw im a wat, anak yatim ah? wah great, just bcos of a stupid fight and they broke off after a 6 mths rship together? how come they cant go through this one in a million fight together, just like any other fights they had before? and nw, they choose to part.

BECAUSE THIS IS V DISTURBING, i must say im scared for myself & my own rship.

but i'll try my best to just keep going on. but if its time to really let go, then i should. i must keep repeating this to myself in my head : 'every good thing comes to an end.' and i can nvr deny this quote. it poses a strong sense of comparison on me.

but i swear i'll nvr regret with wat i hav now.

070307

2007-03-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

did i mentioned, ?

that i love it when he took my hand and held it tightly, den whispered 'U'RE MINE' into my ears, and added '..FOREVER'. den i smiled, and he looked at me like he wanted to eat me. den i elbowed his stomach, and he shakes his head. i miss fun bus trips with you, where you'll place your arm around my neck and bring me somewhere special. den walk me home and danced clumsy reggaeton moves.

..You alw make me happy & make me smile myself to sleep :)

i miss those times dear, pls wake up and come back to your senses cos dat's wat made me attracted to you in the first place. i missed it when you used to call me during your skul breaks and asked me what i was doing. i missed it when you asked me to take care of myself when i went out with friends cos you claimed me to b your responsibility.

..Tell me, were those all lies? fcuking white lies? just to make me feel happy?

what has bcome of the sweet guy i hav known about more den 6 months ago? i thought i could trust you not to hurt me. but i guess you proved me wrong for nw. and im still hoping for you to come back to your ownself. i hope this will only b for awhile.

rmbr, i'll try my best to b all dat you need. even though i cant promise you the everything you wish for, i'll still try my best to giv you my all. i love you, im still loving you to bits. (my heart could've ripped into two) =/

i'll try not to break away from you ..

070307

2007-03-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

hello,

how come every misunderstanding btween me & him can b solved in such a short time? i think it sounds more like a fairytale rather den a true life story, doesnt it..? but my heart kept on denying on that. well, not only my heart, but also every instincts dat im getting. but you know wat, i think i should stop this, i think i should stop blaming just him himself. cos both of us lost it all.

'nth lasts forever.'

so mayb the previous english lesson was useful after all. the song she used, Perfect by Simple Plan just xplains evrything dats happening in my life right this instance. i dun know why but maybe there's a different reason bhind all this. but whatever the reason its gonna b, its taking too long a time. i cant wait anymore. things are gettin' worse. my personal life is ruined, MY PERSONAL LIFE. i seriously lost it a-l-l.

to him : im sorry im acting this way, but im in the 'i-dun-know-wat-to-do' situation. its not that kind of win-lose situation where i can alw balance the success and failure. but in mine, its more to the lose-lose situation. i alw lose. and im tired of it. just giv me some time to think it over. and if you ask me bout wat, well yeah, bout you, me, bout us. bout my life, about every single mistake i've done and i remorsed. i promise i'll try not to break ur heart.

in the end of the day,
i can only promise you tomorrw,
but i cant buy back yesterday :(

060307

2007-03-06T02:13:00.000-08:00

why is everybody different?
why must they change their attitudes?
why must they always say dat im the one who's changing myself negatively?
why are they alw blaming me for evrything?
why must they b so mean to leave me foolish, star-strucked in front of my fone?
why must all this stupid things happen in the first place?
ahh, why am i so stupid to just go with the flow?

im sick of evrything dats happening around me. i fall sick for nth, and my mum thinks dat im pregnant just cos i puked so much after eating. how did dat thinking even went to her head? but nevermind, i dun blame her cos guess wat, im a stupid daughter. i dun deserve watever i hav now. im so foolish to treat my parents like dat, but i still got wat i want. i know, dats like fucking unfair to them but they dun hav the heart to NOT giv me wat i want. cos yeah, they love me, i know dat, who doesnt know? but the thing is, i dun know whether i'd b able to repay them wat they hav given me all along. i wanna treat them like how they treat me all this while.

but how to? if everyone in the family keeps on making me look like some stupid bad kid dat they wanna avoid. they look like..they dun wanna admit dat im their kid, the one they..made.

this is just one problem, but im making it look big. but dis problem means a whole lot to me. please let me be me for once.

050307

2007-03-04T20:09:00.000-08:00

Hello,
and i guess wat people say is right, every good things must come to an end.

is there such a thing as rehabilitation? cos i think that's the only thing dat i can cling on. every thing i say seem to hav a bad meaning in other people's eyes. i may not hav anyone who (really) unnderstands me. and that's why God created each and everyone of us different. but i seem to hav made too many mistakes.

everyone seem to begin to hate me..?

admit it, im such a loser for all i care. but at least i hav feelings too, i dun allow pple to just come and go out of my life as they like. wat i'll do now is try to protect the person i love, and yes, not to hurt anyone anymore. i promise there 'should' b a change in me.

to him : its not all about you, its also bout my parents, my family, my friends, they all care for me like you said you really do. i may not know the truth bout the message thingy, but i cant stop myself from trusting you. i dun know why, but mayb i shouldnt try to still believe you when my heart's not in it. i must b brave to accept everything dat's true and everything's dats not. cos guess wat, life's not that njoyable.

special shoutout to ca & nurul : thanks for the help, i wouldnt hav survived this stupid thing without you, pls dun stop caring for me. i promise i'll change for the better.

i still love you, rmbr dat.

280207

2007-02-27T16:26:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Happy 43rd bdae mummy :D

anyw, i hav to let you know dat i wont b able to post anymre, (well, not everyday). i've been banned from using the computer at home once again for 'abusing' it. yeah right. even now, im in the school library grabbing the opporutnity to blog, how kemarot sia. pfft.

so will b evaporate from this blog for a mere 2 months to convince my dad. haha. so forgiv me for not really posting anythin for these months. & yes, happy 5 mths to me & Ashraf today. he'll b my one & only boy lollipop :D

im done, gotta giv it back t0 Farhan.
BYEEEEEEEEE!

210207

2007-02-21T03:28:00.000-08:00

Hello,

im back after a long break from the computer. so on Sunday, went back to Johor till Tuesday. i dun think i hav the energy to type bout wat happened in the three days. and (!) i didnt go to school today, fuckkkkkkkk. woke up late x_x how sickening.

just now, went to meet Iwan for awhile. he wanna send me his pic to show Syahida. haha. im his babu or wat sia?! haha. nevermind, he's supernice to me :D and after dat, went to meet Ashraf under my block. walked and walked around my house area, den went to sit somewhere near my house. but only till 5. den went home and sleep.

now, gonna b off to ngaji! blog next time okeh? BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

PSST, I LOVE YOU, ANAK MUHAMMAD!

150207

2007-02-15T00:51:00.000-08:00

Hello,

today was quite fun, i guess. boringness was what we went thru at the starting of upper sec assembly, till they showed us like part of Sinking Of Japan & The World Trade Center. was cooooolio! :D so we had E Math test just now, & it wasnt as easy as i thought i would b. the first & last question was the easiest for me. im gonna flunk. BAD. oh, and A Math test, i swear, there were just 2 questions (40 minutes), and i thought i had forgotten everything i learned since kindergarten. hahah. Nurul thinks so too. and i was like the first one to finish..? haha. so i got an early recess! :D and please remind me, dat i hav to start bucking up. x_________x

so malay class was the best class for today, cos we had so much laughter. our malay teacher opened up Cikgu Murni's computer files and lookin' thru our sec one pictures, we were a whole bunch of drama-mamas back then. we were so posing for the camera wit our retarded faces & all. and den Cikgu Faza continued on rammaging the other files, class photos and all. well, yknow, those passport-sized pictures. and she opened mine first! it was like blown out on the screen lah. so we laughed3, and kept on looking at other pple's pictures too. especially Nora, she wasnt laughing so much, till Nurul's picture came out. well, she wasnt to b blamed for the (?) picture ok! her specs JUST wasnt in place. i would b burning right there in my seat if dat picture was mine. but cheers to Nurul, for being cool. :D

so looking at these pictures, gets me thinking of how pple change alot in just 2 yrs. isnt it weird? some pple change for the better, but some change into somebody pple hate. why would they want dat anyw? mayb its their choice, we hav no control over their lives. and im happy dat my friends r not those kinds. phew! =/ and i hope they wont change to bcome like dat in the yrs to come eh. yup, dat includes me too. if i were to go thru an xtreme makeover & end up being a total slut, someone please tell me ok.

mayb tmrw meeting Ashraf. so gonna skip art lesson, cos there'll still b classes after the celebration. HOW DUMB. i cant wait to see him, cos there was too much dat happened btween us during this whole one week, and mayb meeting him might change my whole thinking bout him. but anyw, i still love him so much, dat my heart could almost rip into two. l,krecgymu2werilxczwexku,r (?!)

and you know wat i found out?

our 5th month (which falls on the 28th), is my mummy's bday.

there wont b time to spend with him.

shtupeed asyhole.

140207

2007-02-14T00:37:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Happy Valentine's Day everyone :D

i havent bought everyone anything yet. but everyone, please note to hunt for me for your gifts ok! haha. today was actually a bad day for me, cos im x2038328759327584 sad. :(

cries.

see, yesterday dine out at Seoul Garden, as planned. den everyone finished eating, stayed there for awhile to chat and all. the total for dat day was $291+, my mummy paid half and my aunt paid the other half. :D den went out of Seoul Garden, mummy and aunt Eliza went to shop at Taka. so there were me and my cousins left. so we walking around town, den my uncle called me up, and asked us to come to his workplace if we hadn't been doing anything. so we took bus 65 from Orchard, den stopped around McKenzie Road. there was Amaran, a nightclub which we werent supposed to get in, cos we were underage (but we had special pass, yeahooo)! and let me tell you sth, the place was like so dark and so nice, w its glowing thingys and all! :D so we sat down at the VIP areas and njoyed sodas, and the music too, duh. there was alot of dangdut, makes me swing to every song they play. coolio. and i there was a stupid argument btween me and him, which was dragged till today, and i cried during recess, like skdadfgkedcjexvwm4deci(!) how embarassing, Valentine's day should b filled with happiness & sweet hugs, but it turned out this way for me. & thanks everyone for comforting me. && Natz for bringing me to the toilet and asking me look down as not to let anyone see my red, sore eyes. &&& Ashvini for forcing a sincere smile out of me. &&&& Nora for sharing me the peanuts. :D

and now, back at home, suffering from a flu, a torturing one! =/ when the hell will it stop?! haha. irritating me, yes. pfft. anyw, just now had chem test and lickily i had the time to study for awhile during reading period in the parade square. pheww. but i think i screwed up at the 9-MARK question. hello, the higher the marks, the harder it is. Grr..!

tmrw, E Math & A Math tests. i think E Math'll still b okay, but i dun know bout A Math. its getting harder & harder for me to cope wit A Math, and i dun feel like taking A Math during my O's. haha.

everyone, pray for me okay?
make my nose stop running!

im sorry if i hadn't been a good girl by ur side all this while.
i've tried my best, but i guess it didnt show.
i hope you still continue to find the perfection in me,
dun just concentrate on my flaws.
and i love you so much, dear.
happy Valentine's day. :D

130207

2007-02-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Valentine's tmrw :D

just now after school, went to j8 with Nurul & Noraishah. followed Nurul to buy Valentine gifts for everyone, den followed Noraishah to Mini Toons to look for hers. den i bought somethin for Akim, whose birthday falls on the 27th Feb. when i look at it again now, i crave for one too. haha. how ridiculous. feel like not giving him lah! but im not dat evil. =/ den went to Precious Thoughts & bought him a cup + a bear attached inside. how cute! so i went to buy it.

now thinking of wat to write in the letters which i shared money wit Nurul just now. :D wat should i write? i want it to contain funny things. (doesnt mean a Valentine's letter should b romantic and sweet right?) :D

and gonna off the computer real soon, cos have to bath and all. den zoom off to Ngee Ann City for the family dinner @ Seoul Garden. coolio~ i cant wait, cos its been so long since i ate Seoul Garden. but too bad, my dad couldnt tag along, (well, like alw) He never knew how to set aside time for family gatherings and all. he was alw missing from us, carrying out his workaholic duties. does work really mean everything to him? pfft.

Hazril Badot tegored me on MSN. haha. he wanted to conferm dat it was me who he saw at Ska Fest @ Gas Haus dat day. so i said, yeah. & he was like, cooooool. haha. and he told me dat my Brother's band was good, and he told me dat im supernice to come down the gig and support my Brother. its now dat i really do realise dat im such a nice being. superyay. anyone disagrees?

to imakid:
sorry, but who are you? i cant seem to remember if you dun use your real name. haha. anyw, i think you're someone close to me, cos YOU MISS ME :D and dats the best point of your tag. =D reply on my tagboard soon okeh.

120207

2007-02-12T01:41:00.000-08:00

im asking for opinions now,

'Are friends worth fighting for?'

to me, every friend mean the world to me, especially those who are alw wit me. those who respect me, those who laugh wit me, those who cry wit me, those who accepts me for who i am. i may not b perfect, (nobody's perfect), but my friends see the perfection in me, like i see in them. but i think wat happened just now was a total mistake. & Nora thinks wat she said involved me too. i dun understand, at all. there was such close rship btween both of us, i never left her alone, did I Nora? and now she's placing me in the situation too. i dun blame her for dat, cos im so close to the normal pple i alw hang out with. i was with them from sec 1, where they were, i was there too. i wouldn't have abondoned them, not one single bit. but anyw, i wouldn't make this long. just wanted to confirm to you, dat once im your friend, im alw your friend. why should i not b ur friend in the first place? trust me, we've never used you before. i hope this kind of thing wouldn't happen again. try to make urself comfortable in 3Truth, & everything'd b fine. 3Truth'd b a heaven to b in. 3Truth'd b the reason why you look forward to come to school for. think straight, girl. :D

guess dats enough bout friendship, cos i've had enough of problems like these. anyw, today was okay. but still fucked-up cos of the subject periods and all. PURE BORINGNESSSS. x_x but one gud thing is dat, Mr Kom is getting more lenient to us. :D yays? haha. and i think the chalet's plan is getting messy. 2 backed out, and we cant figure out any other pple to cover them. see, the more pple, the lesser we have to pay. (not using anyone or whatsoever)!

so anyw, tmrw's gonna b a great day :D haha. after school, mayb goin home straight, to bath & all, den going out again. to Ngee Ann City for dinner wit cousins & all. to celebrate my aunt's bdae and also to celebrate my Brother's success. eh? haha. somethin like dat. this is wat my aunt sent me, it was so freaking cool can?! :

EMAN gagah tidak terkata, Azim kacak sudahlah tentu,
jom pegi makan makanan Korea, di Ngee Ann City tempat bertemu.
ANDI handsome tengoklah bapaknye, ABILLA cun kadang2 saje,
Seoul Garden nama tempatnye, jam 7 kite punye dinner.
ALIFF joker itulah anak saya, tapi kadang2 cekik darah jugak.
kalau nak confirmation teleponlah saya, ingat besok sarapan pagi aje,
besok malam kite makan sampai nak giler.
DIAN sweet lagik bergaya, tapi still tak leh fight BIKJAH punya,
tanda bersyukur anak2 berjaya, jgn lupa temu janji kita.

how cute! :D my aunt's a pro can?! and she dared me to make a poem and beat hers. like duh! haha. still trying, but cant seem to find words dat rhyme. haha. anyone wants to help me? haha.

omg, i miss him already. wat should i do now? haha. waiting for him to come home. he gave me a call just now, he sounded hyper. i like! =DDD when shall i get to meet him again? and my Brother's band mates are crazy. they keep on shouting like its their house. they should know dat im in the room here, trying to listening to some songs..? haha. nevermind, im supernice. i shall let them go on and scream till their lungs rip out. was that too harsh and evil?

ASHRAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF/
(just felt like typing his beau name) :D

100207

2007-02-10T13:24:00.000-08:00

Hello,

today was tiring, but its a good xperience, i think. but i pity my mum alot cos me & Nurul kept on leaving her along wit the stall. i mean, it was useless. AND TIRING! but pffft, nevermind. anyw, we went home with a great loss but i was happy :D i get to spend the day wit Nurul, finally. HA-HA-HAPINESSSSSSSSS. its been so long can?! she brought me around, actually wanted to walk all the way to Far East Plaza, but decided it was too far from the flea market. so we walked back, and there was a crowd gathering around this small kid who played the drums. pro seh. x_x den continued walking, and saw another crowd. there was this girl sitting on one tank filled wit water. someone have to hit the square thingy so dat she can fall in the tank, wit the waterproof camera. they just wanted to proof dat the camera was waterproof, but i liked the idea anyw. =D

okeh, today didnt answer alot of his calls. but i called him back ok! den he reached home at 5+ in the morning. den we talked for awhile. the topic was best, it was about birthdays! :D i like. anyw, there's somethin wrong with friendster. i cant seem to log in. they say dat my email current email address cannot receive any messages or updates from my friends. stooooopid. tired, figuring how to solve the problem. so i decided to wait for a few days to let it recover. wow, i make it sound like a sick patient. haha. =/

oh shit, next week gonna b having 2 tests; E Math & A Math. so gonna b a MATHY week. tmrw gonna study hard ah. i dun wanna fail, if not, i wont get a camera for my bdae present. i badly want it! :D i promise to work hard, okay mummy?

and Brother's ACTUALLY asking for my opinion whether to get in to either SP or MI. why ask me? there's still more den 1&1/2 years for me to even think about it. i dun know a single shit about any courses offered. but wat i know is dat he's considering btween marine engineering or music & audio. haha. if i were him, i think i'd choose marine engineering, cos he's had too much of music & audio. haha. at least, it's a totally different thing to learn. :D

wednesday's Valentine's Day. :D Nurul gave me an idea to buy for him Spongebob Squarepants boxer @ J8. still re-considering. haha. pening ah~ his bdae's on 13th May too. coming soon, so i gotta save up soon lah. cos March's gonna cost me a bomb. and Noraishah's bdae is in 9 days. oh no, and akim's bdae is in 16 days, and mummy's in 17 days. and i still haven't decided wat to buy for them. wat should i buy? Hmm.

100207

2007-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

Hello,

im so happy i got to meet him yesterday, fooh how cute :D and i hope abby's doing fine alright. just chill, dats the only thing i can afford to tell you. everyone has problems, yeah BIG ones. anyw, we're alw b here if you cant find anyone else to comfort you, okay? and Saras & Vicky, you too. i dun know wats gonna happen next, just calm down! dun make decisios at the state you're in. it wont work. dun cancel the chalet okay? you'll need the chalet and us friends sometimes to njoy life. i hope to see everyone (as planned) there. we've been thinking so hard bout it. i love all my friends alright, so dun forget dat we're alw here. =DDD

yesterday reached Bishan st 22 wit him, den went to meet his frend, Farhan (gigi), with 3 other guys and 3 other Guangyang girls. den over there, have Haikel (bdak ngaji) & my abg angkat, Azmi. haha. i like coincidences. and when me and him were walking away, my abg angkat was like, 'dun do anythin to my sister ehhh' den he laughed. but anyw, i had a fun time wit him yesterday. x_x

ooh, my Brother got an 18 for his O Levels. and he was thinking to get into Poly, but my dad was thinking to place him in JC. so there was quite a small problem last nite, abit of an argument. but things will settle down by tmrw, i guess. cos they're registering online. haha.

Nurul's reaching my house at 10+ in the morning today, she's helping out me & my mum at the LIME flea market. everyone must come grab something from us okay? wah, spent alot of time pasting the price tags yesterday, it was sure tough work, cos i was so sleepy. den ended up sleeping on the living room floor. and mummy kept talking to me, but she didnt realised dat i was asleep. den woke up by the argument btween my Brother and dad, den went to my bed and slept.

i guess that's all for today. :D

080207

2007-02-08T02:42:00.000-08:00

my background keeps on changing, i hate this!
pfffffffffffft. wat the hell's ur problem, Blogger? x_x

080207

2007-02-08T01:29:00.000-08:00

Hello,

just now had a fucked-up day. the lessons were boring, dats wat made it fucked-up. if not, it wont be. ah, im getting lazy in E Math lesson. And im eating in A Math lesson. congrats, Dian. haha. =D

just now, had a surprise malay test. did i ever mentioned that i hate suprise tests? it makes me sick. erkk. and bout 10 minutes of our CME period [the last period of the day], was taken by Mrs Wannah Lim. she stressed the class bout things dat went missing from the chemisry lab everytime we went there. yeah, the bunsen burner lighter, and even the conical flask. the thief didnt own up so there's gonna b a slight deduction from the class fund. who the heck cares? x_x

and tell me, what else should i do other den sticking with my computer when my Brother is not around? Hmm. he alw entertain me when he's at home. and now, he's at Bedok wit my cousin. should've met up with them after skul just now. but too bad, my form teacher released us later by 20 minutes or so. FCUKING SHIT!

boreddddddddddddddd! YAWNS.

what does YAWNING means? it means dat im starting to get sleepy. i think i should hit the bed now. dont you think so too?

070207

2007-02-07T01:41:00.000-08:00

Bila ku tidak di sini, tetaplah kau bernyanyi

Dan bila ku telah pergi, kenanglah terjadi

Pastikan padaku bahawa kamu akan baik-baik saja

Kerana disetiap mimpiku, pasti selalu ada kamu

Dengarkan dan rasakan, lagu yang ku ciptakan untukmu

Walau mungkin terdengar tak merdu, tapi hanya untukmu

Kita pernah bersama disini, lalui hari penuh warna warni

Meski tak seindah pelangi, tapi kita pernah bermimpi

Percayalah padaku, meski di gelap malam kamu tak sendirian

Dan semua bintang yang ku tinggalkan, temani kau sampai akhir malam

Mungkin ini hanya sementara, mungkin juga untuk selamanya

Tapi nanti jika ku kembali, kau harus ada disini.

i love you =D

070207

2007-02-07T00:02:00.000-08:00

Namun ku masih mencuba untuk punya segalanya .............

Hello :D
ohhhhhhhh im lovin' my life!

yesterday was spent sleeping at home after school. then woke up by a phone call by Brother, asked me to meet him at j8 at 7, cos he wanted to treat me Sakae Sushi. yeehak! so woke up and bathed again, den prepared and reached there 7.20! haha. im not always late ok. and so, he told me to eat all i can. haha. but my stomach's have limited space ah. =/ den followed him go smoke. and then sat under the block for quite awhile den went home. reached at 9+. den was xtremely sad bout somethin. but today, okay already. yay!

today went to follow Saras meet Ida at interchg. she's nice. :D and den went home. and anyw, she had work dat afternoon lah. so no point staying late anyw. den reached home and hugged my computer to my room. i didnt touch it since last sunday. MISSMISS. =D

now i have a chance to scream my lungs out to the world dat i hate school when it comes to studying. A Math is driving me nuts and physics & chem are torturing me. i'll just shake my ass off till i get my own A Math tutor. and just now had social studies. i dun know how i'll fair, but we'll see. haha. cos i slept went my teacher was xplaining how to answer the essay question. so i dun quite know how to do. so i just shoot at it lah. there's gonna b a geography test this friday. oh no, gotta start studying now. i mean, after this. :D next wednesdae, having E Math test. on valentine's day, ON VALENTINE'S DAY! and on thursday, gonna have A Math test. ahh, dat im sure to fail cos i dun bother to study. unless Nurul is willing to teach me? cos im quite hard-headed. haha. good luck, Dian. dun flunk.

& yes, i miss Ashraf.

040207

2007-02-03T13:34:00.000-08:00

im so saddd :(

dat i didnt get to meet him yesterday. he called me up in the morning and told me bout the roadblock to our meeting, den we figured out how to solve the problem. but in the end, couldnt b solved. shitty la. but wat can i do? so i met Ajim at Bugis at 12 and he's late again. asked him why, he said the train was stuck cos one of the tires dropped off. stupid la he. nth better to answer! the last time he was late, when i asked him why, he said the driver fainted cos he didnt eat his breakfast. haha. joker can. so we went to grab something to eat at Burger King, and stayed there for like an hour. cos we have four fucking hours before the ska fest starts. den we went in Bugis Village and i bought three pairs of earrings for skul : one black star, one red star & one green square. how nice :D

den went to hang around Gas Haus, den somethin bad happened when i called him up and told him dat im going in the gig already. wahh, dat part i sad sia. bahh screw everythin. i didnt care who was there, i just brokedown for awhile. den Ajim brought me somewhere to sit down and relax. but how could a seat help me calm down? den in the end, stopped crying when we got talk. he said he's sorry, and i let him know dat i love him. dat stopped me crying, to hear wat i mean to him from his own mouth.

and finally its 4! went in the gig, and there wasnt much people when the first band was playing. no-one skanked to any of the songs i guess. then the Blank Note, my brother's band was next. the singer kept on figgitting with his record player i think, trying to remember the lyrics. he was sitting down, looking relaxed, den suddenly he looked at us, 'i think i got mixed up larh sial.' den he wasnt ready to get on stage. so the band played something like an interlude, without him first. den after dat, they played Mimpi. dat song was fucking nice can?! im in love wit dat song. :D ahh~ and there was this indonesian band, they played like ahhhhhh! nice! and they threw their cds into the crowd infront of the stage. those who got it are damn lucky can?! haha. and everyone in the Gas Huas were practically infront of the stage skanking to all their songs. they even modified a P.RAMLEE song to the ska genre. and they did it right. im in love wit them, music makers of the world. =DDDD

after the gig, we went to pasir ris, cos my kak sedare had a pit. den she ajak us go there. reached there, and there were so many of her friends. she asked us go take wat we wanna eat, and do the self-service. but i shy lah, too many people around. so she did for me :D how sweet. haha. den she introduced me to her boyfee. haha! he's nice lah. den we finally got to blend wit the rest, joked wit them and all. and there's one of her friends who brought 2 younger brothers. they were of mixed phillipino, chinese and arab. they were both so handsome lah, even though they were like aged 8 and 11 years old. and when we asked the 11yr old guy for his name, he said his name was Jasem Syafiqh. and when we asked the 8yr old wats his name, he looked at us and said 'PUKIMAK'. den we asked again. 'wats ur name?' 'pukimak' haha! den we kept on saying, 'pukimak, take for me water, pukimak take for me hotdog' He likes it alot, i tell you! haha. sampai abg2 kakak2 semue terikot panggil dia pukimak. klakar mampos lah. his real name was Gasan Afiqh. ish, ganas ader la. haha.

left the pit at 11.10, den took a cab home, reached around 11.25 :D washed my face and went to sleep. den got woken up by vibration of fone. he called! den he asked me whether im sleeping or not. den i said yeah, den he actually wanted to talk wit me on the fone. den i said ok, but he kept on asking me to sleep if i want to. but who the hell wanted to let go of this opportunity to wit him at nite? its been so long since we did anyw. i missed dat. talked for only around 50 minutes, den hang up cos his sister wanted to call her boyfee i guess. okay, understooded. so i went to sleep. dats all i guess. and sorry to him, for not being able to follow him go panching wit his frens tmrw. bahh i feel so bad. =/

but i love him. :D

030207

2007-02-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

it's been an okay night for me, xcept dat he didnt called me when he reached home. he's supposed to. nevermind, i guess he's too tired.

called him up just now, around 3 plus in the morning, and i told him to meet me at Bugis tmrw at 12. he said okay. =DDDD so gonna walk around wit him till 4, den gonna meet Ajim, & we'll head to Gas Haus. we're gonna come in late, around the time when Blank Note's playing. and anyw, i need to spend time wit my sayang first leh.

so just now, spent so much time thinking of wat to wear for tmrw. den finally i chose yellow Mango tanktop and brown jacket, and skirt. cannot wear anyhow la. haha, its the ska fest baby! gotta wear appropriately. ahh~

anyw, gonna take a sleep now. dawn's rising and i need some sleep. so i wont faint later, haha! joking lar deh. okays, take care all. :D

020207

2007-02-02T02:54:00.000-08:00

YEAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! =D

Hello, today's been a great day for me i think (xcept for the ending, ergh) had skul as per normal, and after recess, had free period. den during chapel, watched Hanyut. and its getting superboring, cos i watched it like so many times, at home and in malay class. and before art class, monkeyed around skul like v crazy people. me and natz squeezing each other's filthy butts. whoooo~ and us chasing after Jordan! hahaha. dat was gross. GROSSSSSSS. den had art class, stationed ourselves right outside the art studio, and drew at least two bamboos. i had to admit dat mine looked like sugarcanes, haha! Mr. Lau said it looked too regular..? but i was too lazy to modify. so i started to start my shading. turned out okay, i guess. den after completing wat we're supposed to complete, me and Saras chased Vicky around the art class for her butts! (she's afraid of me can?! haha.) after that, camwhored fer awhile! :D and i bit Jaselyn today. sorry eh! =/

after art class, all went to bubble tea shop, and had our late lunches. yummy! :D den stayed there till 6 plus, cos i had no keys to go home, and they still wanted to hang there. so i just joined them. Ca was freaking funny, with her dance and all, again! and Natz owed her a choco waffle cos she danced right there. how easy money rolls in for Ca eh. haha.

now reached home with Brother, and cant wait for tmrw's ska fest! and i think gonna meet him for awhile at Bugis, after the Gas Haus thingy. :D how cute. haha. den walk-walk wit him la. den go in Gas Haus at 4 plus, cos dat's when my brother's band is playing. den watch till finish wit Ajim. den after dat, mayb going pasir ris, cos my auntie's having a bbq. for no reason. i think she have nth better to do eh. haha.

okay, gonna call Ashraf now! wanna talk bout tmrw. I MISS HIM TRUCKLOADDDDDS.

010207

2007-02-01T02:33:00.000-08:00

i just wanna say i love Ashraf so much.

i wont let him go.

010207

2007-02-01T01:52:00.000-08:00

and it's the second month of the new year, & big congrats to the Singapore soccer team! we won again for the second time! (didnt xpected it, cos the referees were biased can?!) :D

anyw, just finished talking wit him on the fone. superyay! and he cant meet me tmrw, again! pfft. its like the third time dat he cancelled our meeting. ahh~ i miss him so much la. the last time i met him was on last tuesday. how?! shooooosh. i feel like biting him. =/

shall stop talkin bout him all the time, should just keep it to myself eh? Hmms. and so, Saturday's gonna be fun, cos going to Ska Fest, and whooooooohoooooooo! =D cant wait la. brother's practising hard for the gig, cos its the first time he's playing ska. but i gotta admit, he's kinda gud.

and guess wat, im starting to get dat 'i-hate-math' feeling. ASK NURUL! haha. everything about Math is like crowding in my head, and everywhere i go, i see M-A-T-H. tadaa! 'YOU GOTTA LOVE MATH' as said by Mr Tan, mua A Math teacher. and bla bla blaaa, he goes on. never gonna b a full-stop to it. and did i mentioned, dat the physics teacher is driving me nuts? he's making it easy for everyone in our class to bully him. oh my god, i need to change my physics teacher alot please!

still wondering where i should go tmrw, now dat my plan to meet him has changed. where? tried contacting bdak2 tamp, but their prepaid low. i miss them alot la can! haha. so long since i joked around wit them. confirm there's alot to catch up on. gud times can never end. =D

& Shafiq Dickhead misses me =DDDDD got a msg from him, he said dat its been a long time he didnt msg me. haha. well, not my fault ok! im his pinhead la siaa. haha. anyw, it was nice hearing from him after such a long time. ahh~ i miss Julie too, and Akim Babe the most! i know, i think i'll hang out wit them tmrw. ok! i'll go nudge Akim now on msn. hope tmrw's gonna b njoyable.

i'll promise forever,
i'll b here wit you,
to hold you in my arms.

310107

2007-01-31T02:38:00.000-08:00

its the time of the year again!
happy 17th birthday papa fufumi! :D

and i'd like to say sorry to him for bothering him by asking dat question, cos i really hope dat the answer would be yes. im sorry for being so 'D' (as said by Ca, if its true) cos i dun know how else to show my love for you. and now i cant contact you, cos of something dat i promised to Ca. but you still havent called me yet. i dun wanna lose my money and i dun wanna lose you too. :( will you be the guy who used to be v caring to me in the beginning? i'd really like dat. sorry and thank you, very much.

today's wednesday, and it was kind of boring and stupid and long. i dun know why, i just didnt have the mood today. in art class, had to draw an umbrella, and its superfun i tell you! :D and had english test just now, 'twas kinda tough though. hmms. den after skul, me and Ca went to causeway point, and saw Syahida on the way. and she didnt stop talking la. why suddenly so becok? haha, joking la. and den we decided to eat at Banquet. Ca ate sweet&spicy chicken wit chicken rice eh?! haha. and i ate creamy chicken pasta. and we had a talk, bout everything dat happened, dats happening, and the mistakes we couldnt ever forget about. wow. and we did stupid stuffs in the train as usual, cos whoever goes out with me, talks cock with me! kan Ca? hahaha. anyw, it was nice hanging out with her after a long time. welcome back to my life, dearest friend :D

and now, im still waiting for the call.
still waiting,
still waiting.

300107

2007-01-30T03:45:00.000-08:00

Dear God, i wish you can hear my prayer
listen to me cry like i've never done
they just wont listen to me speak
we always fight like one-on-one.
i just want a family to be here
to get along with them day and night
a mother and father still together
and a big brother that doesnt fight.
i want grandparents to spoil me
sneak some chocolates before lunch
i miss getting those McDonald meals
and i miss when life wasnt too much.
i miss being the little girl they love
i wish i could tell you how it felt
but now im left in hell again
and there's too much pain to be dealt.
Dear God, i just miss my family so much.
i want them back how they used to be,
when we spend Sundays together.
and God, i miss my family.

please fulfill it for me?

300107

2007-01-30T00:57:00.000-08:00

Hello,

im feeling so restless and shitty and useless and skliaerce4ilskxct,rstzewjkmi (every bad feeling you can think of)

cos the thing is, i really dun know wat is gonna happen to my family next?! i dun know wat my dad's definition of a perfect family, i dun know wats gonna happen when my family is gonna be broken up further. i really dun know! if only my dad didnt found out about my mistake, we would be a happy family once again. pfft.

dad's been paranoid about just one mistake i did, and he's showing tantrum to everyone. my mum's sick now, and shit, how i pity her so much everytime she asked me whether she's a good mother or not. cos hell yeah, she is, i mean they both are great parents, but they shouldnt blame each other in the family for these kind of problems. can't we just forgive? maybe we cant forget, but nevermind, at least we live life happily together. i really dun know wat to say, or maybe i just dun have anything else to say, cos this stupid thing keeps on repeating itself over and over again. its just like a stupid film dat keeps on rolling inside my head. i just cant stop thinking about dis. :(

dad's still angry now, and mum's still sad. and im just going with the flow. school has been so much more stressful for me just now, when i received a fone call from mummy. wat xactly happened here? right here.

and he hasnt been replying to all my messages, only picked up my calls. dat should b the least i xpected from him, i mean nevermind okay. but im not sure i understand. i really wanna meet him this Friday, wanna talk to him and have a clear mind. cos yeah, he's the one who always cheers me up in any way.

i think i've had enough talking now, cos there's just too much to think. life's been dreadful these days, but foooooh, wat can i do? and who am i to do anyhing bout it anyway? i'll only get shouted and cursed at. i know it, i just know it. that things are not the way it used to be. i just dun want my life to be at stake.

thank you all, for hearing me voice out my inner secrets.
i really love my family.
i really love him.
i really love my friends.
i dun wanna lose any of 'em.

290107

2007-01-29T01:19:00.000-08:00

and it's the boring part of life now, having to stay at home and do nothing!

so just now Abby sold a $18 prepaid card to me :D how nice. and i paid her $10 only. tmrw gonna pay her the remainder. thank you Abby!

just now, had health check-up. but i wasnt one of the lucky students to be checked. pfft. and so, the rest who weren't asked to go in the room slacked at one of the tables, while waiting for Nurul to come out. 'twas too long to wait, so everyone went to POA class, and i had to go to A Math class alone cos Nurul haven't come out yet. den while walking to class, Kiat Hwee called out to me and asked me to wait. den he came down from the third floor and was so scared to get in the class. haha, wats so afraid bout? just say that we had health check-up and everything'd be fine. den as usual, Mr Tan believed. Best! =D

After english class, we talked to Ms Wong about our March 3 days 2 nights chalet. we needed her to book for us, since she's above 18 :D and she said okay, but we'll have to behave well in class. that's chicken ahh~ haha! and then me, Noraishah & Annabelle went to have our lunch at KFC. and something happened, swoosh! haha. den had to switch to another table. haha. den i ate my yummy zinger, den went back home.

and here i am, rotting like an xpired food stuff, and im gonna burst soon out of boredom, yawns =0

IM MISSING ASHRAF LIKE HELL, CAN ANYONE PLEASE BRING HIM TO ME?
GET WELL SOON, DEAREST.
I LOVE YOU! :D

290107

2007-01-28T14:07:00.000-08:00

its manic monday today!
but yet, im waking up xtra early to shampoo my hair and meeting Nurul at R.K. today to have our morn breakfast and A Math homework.
let me tell'ya, its A Math has been killing me. pfffft.

so on saturday, went to Orchard to see the flea market thingy, and one stall is like so small! its like, two stalls share one umbrella. and where's mummy gonna place her black and white supercute cat-figures? hahhaha. and then after registering over there again, i had a walk around the current flea market which sells like $2 CDs. how cheap can?! but all of 'em were like way back in time. i dun even know those artistes and bands! haha. so couldnt buy. and walked in further, there was this supernice green shirt which was long, and i wanted to buy, den found out that there was a stain at one part of the shirt. but it was only like $8? hahas. so at the end of the day, i bought a brown checkered skirt. so it's good to buy cheap stuff, but still look good and xpensive. :D

den after that, went to Lavender to meet my cousin. den we went to Muhammadiyah Welfare Home to help out our auntie who's selling her yummy food stuffs there. and at the end of the day, we got $10 each even tho we didnt really helped alot. but its great anyw. :D but there was this part, when we were on the way to the toilet, this group of boys sang, 'THEY'RE BRINGING SEXY BACK, YEAHHH' and we were like speeding our pace of walking. well, to me, it sounded like deadly. hahas. and after we finished packing and everything, we went back to pasir ris at 10.30+ and reached my auntie's house, chatted with my favourite Kak Nonoi and everyone went to sleep.

and de next morn, woke up and had some stupid pillow fights wit them, and went to bath. had breakfast at whitesands. that was the favourite part. Kak Nonoi treated us a Macs breakfast each. how nice can! no regrets calling her my favourite :D den went back to pasir ris house and watched teevee. den at 4+, my brother came over and everyone went back to our own homes. and den reached home, completed my malay homewerk and E Math homewerk, but couldnt even do my A Math homework, cos i dun know how to. my mind was blank, everything! hahas. mayb i had too much fun. and mayb dats just wat i needed after nearly a month filling my brains with new information? haha.

okay, now wanna dry my hair! and wear my uniform. please pray for me, dat i can have a great day at skul. okeh? tooooooooodles everyone. :D

260107

2007-01-26T15:22:00.000-08:00

swoosh~

yesterday didnt get to meet him. he's sick. and i realised that i shouldnt b angry wit him, 1 more day to 4th month :) da kene stop mara2. hehes.

anyw, i wish he gets well soon. i miss him can! i need to talk to him on the fone, but his voice was so weak, so i guess he needed his own rest. didnt contacted him that much.

yesterday was okay. during art lesson, was drawing and shading the two balls that were displayed and suddenly found Nurul asleep on the table beside me. so i slept too. was feeling so weak and sleepy yesterday, mayb its because i didnt get enough sleep eh? so slept and finally woke up and found out that everyone else was kinda finishing their work already. so me & Nurul quickly did ours. den handed up. senang kate, yesterday's art lesson wasn't that fun. and Saras & Vicky went before us seh! go Npcc. hahas.

later on at 10.30am, having madrasah. yessssssa~ at least i remembered bout the homework, and i completed it. =D so yeah, after that going straight home and following mummy go Orchard. mummy got the approval for the flea thingy on 10th Feb. make sure everyone must come and at least buy somethin okay! Ha-ha. gonna help out there and mayb Nurul's gonna help out too, cos she seemed so interested, but there's no salary eh, my mummy warned me before. haha. okay so, after looking at how big the stall is, mayb im meeting my cousins and all to go watch soccer match la. but im not sure, cos i wanna go shopping too y'know. so tmrw, i'll see who's going to watch the semi-finals, if its fun people, den mayb i'll consider going. i dun know la. sheesh.

get well soon, sayang.
im waitin for you.
love you alot.
and happy 1-day in advanced 4-months anniversary.
i hope we stay like this forever.
sweet.

250107

2007-01-25T01:39:00.000-08:00

Hello, everyone.
'STRIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKE!'
im suddenly hit by that 'i-wanna-blog' feeling :D

that's so lame can! ahh~

so today was okay eh. A Math is alright for me so far, xcept for the stupid longdivison thingy. and E Math is fun. i've been a good girl in school lately. so just now, on malay lesson, Cikgu let us watch Hanyut. but the thing is, the best part just wanted to start, and she stopped it. =/ how frustrating. LALALALAOHHH~ i cant stop laughing bout yesterday, in english lesson. i bit Nurul. i pity her alot eh. so sowie Nurul, i just couldnt stand the temptation la. hahahahaha.

tuesday was fun. Ashraf didnt went to school cos he was sick. and when i was in malay class, he msg-ed me, asked me out. so i agreed! :) den after school, he fetched me and den we went back to interchg. he should've just asked me to wait there right? hahaha, funny he. den we decided to go Causeway Point after much hesitation from me, cos i was feeling so lazy lah. haha. den in the end, went there with him. had a funny time with him in the train (as usual), and then we reached! and we walked around for awhile and then ended up at Macs, cos he was hungry. had a nice talk with him after we ate, and we went to take the train back. he dropped at Yishun and i dropped at Bishan. and that kiss he gave me before he left, i liked it. hahh.

and tmrw! JENG JENG JENGGG! im meeting him again. ahhh~ now i miss him. he havent reply my message. and yesterday he made me promise to give him a kiss instead of him giving me one, before we hang up the fone. and i promised, haha. how cute :)

210107

2007-01-20T14:19:00.000-08:00

pheww, time really flies, that phrase dun meaning nth!

wat happened the past week was kinda okay for me xcept on friday. a sudden mood swing occured when waiting for art class to start. everythin was going on great cos geog and ss teacher didnt come, and we like practically sat in the same room for 3 long hours. spent chit-chattin away. den art class started at 2 and supposed to end at 4. den after dat, arranged to meet Ashraf, but he cancelled again. i was so pissed all of a sudden. i dun know why, lately he has alw been cancelling our meetings. den i raged. dat was a normal thing to do. but this doesnt make sense, cos i raged at him, yes AT HIM.

den he was like '..?' and i told him how i felt for the past week, how unsure i felt. den we talked things out, and kinda sorted out our feelings. and the best thing during art lesson, was dat when he swore dat he's still loving me. den at dat point, i stopped crying and gave everyone a smile. and i dun think its fair for me to feel sad and all infront of my frens. they talk to me and i answered them in pieces. who did i think i was? i felt so bad. im sorry, eh frens who were there. :(

and den after art class, me, nurul, ca & saras went to j8. bought my tako balls and walked to KFC. the rest ate there and den natz came in home clothes. so i left, went to Bedok. met my cousin under his block and he smoked. while i tell him wat happened. cos de thing is, im supposed to meet him at nite. cos i told him i was meeting Ashraf. hahh. den after a few hours, went up and every other cousin came with their school uniforms on too. but i think mine's the coolest. de new uniform is so comfortable la can.

so yesterday talked to him for awhile, cos my cousin came to sleepover here. suddenly, i joked bout american idol. the fat but dammit cute girl who sings with her RRRRRRRR and her WOLFFFFFFF. haha. and they were like, STOP IT. STOP IT. lalala~ so jammed wit him and my abg. hahaha. quite nice la, we jammed the song 'apo nak dikato'. and den we ended up talking bout the Skafest '07 dat was coming up. cant wait seh! hahas. never went to a ska gig before. and now my abg's got 'em tix ready. WHEEEEEEEE.WHOOOOOOOO. huhu. :D

mayb tmrw meeting Dian & all at tamp! yesssssssssa. i miss 'em la can. especially ayie. his jokes can make me roll on the floor i tell you! hahahha. den mayb meeting Ashraf there after he end his school. see how it goes then. okay, i wanna go take a nap now, my eyes are killing me! gudnite beings!

and take care all.

150107

2007-01-14T12:24:00.000-08:00

&& I PROMISE FOREVER.

150107

2007-01-14T12:12:00.000-08:00

wow, i missed blogging man.
i cant really switch on the computer these days, daddy wont allow me to use it.
cos uhhhh .. 'i abused it.' yeah, pffft.
sigh some more dian!

okay, school went on as usual, but friday was xtra special can? it felt v long, the school hours were like, from one period, it felt like 2 periods. know why? cos i was dreading for school to finish. to meet Ashraf :) and finally, school ended, like wheeeeeee whooooooo! he was waiting at the normal block opposite school and it was raining cats and dogs, and by the time i reached that block, i was so wet! and big thanks to Nurul for sending me there with her mcdonald umbrella :D (its quite big, yknow) hahah.

and tmrw school's ending superfast (1.15) i dun know why. and after school, meeting Julie, Dian, Akim Babe & Shafiq Dickhead at Khatib. den mayb going Northpoint, i think. i dunnoe, im fine with everythin.

and so, on saturday nite, supposed to talk with Ashraf on the fone, but i fell asleep -_- erghhh! den the next day, i woke up v late! and when i called his hp, his brother picked up and told me that he forgot to bring his fone. pfft. then the whole day, been dreading on when he's reaching home, cos i miss him alot can! haha. den after having my pizza hut dinner, called him and yay! he's home. haha. den we talked for awhile. and den he asked me whether i can meet him again this coming friday, and i was like hell yeah. but after my school ends, which is at 4pm. late eh? but he still agrees to meet me. superyay! :D

okay, guess im gonna go sleep now, its getting late.
but it doesnt really matter, cos tmrw's Manic Monday.
starting school at 9.
but im alw late on Mondays.
i dun want any detention tmrw, i have plans already.

NITEEEES EVERYONE! :D

100107

2007-01-10T00:46:00.000-08:00

MUMMY AND NOEMIE TIARA <3

Hello!

its been so long i didnt update this blog,

well kinda busy wit school and everythin.

hope its understooded alrighty! :D

and pheww, luckily everythin's right wit Ashraf. And so far, nothing bad happened, and im so grateful can! haha. so in school, renewed my locker already and how stupid i was when the person asked me whether i wanted to stay wit the current locker or shift to another, and i said I WANTED TO STICK TO THE SAME ONE. aint i stupid? pfft. i should've move to the higher locker. mine's like way down, my backbone's gonna get distorted soon enough. hahh.

and A Math is freakin hard can! just the first lesson and im like '..?' HAHAHAHA but i guess now im okay with some of it already. and E Math is damn fun! :D and Physics and Chem's boring and both teachers are like '><' and the free periods are like so long! whee~

OHHHH! ART'S BORING, BUT SOMETHING'S KEEPING ME INSPIRED TO SIT THROUGH THE WHOLE SESSION WHICH ACTUALLY STARTS AT 4 AND ENDS AT 6.15 AND MY MIND CANT REALLY CONCENTRATE ON THE LESSON WHENEVER I THINK BOUT HOW THE REST OF THE STUDENTS ARE OUT OF SCHOOL AND ENJOYING THEMSELVES ALREADY, WHILE WE'RE STILL STUCK HERE DOING SOME .. ART?

okay, i shall stop the crap! but seriously, i think the timetable sucks. its not organized can!

and this Friday's gonna meet him :) whee~

i dun know wat makes me miss him so much?

and he start school already, and on the first day of school, he messaged me like 'I FINISH SKUL AT 5.. BORING SEH..'

hahahaha, well he used to laugh at me when secondary school started on the 3rd.

now its thrown right back at him! hehe.

but i think its damn cute of him to send me a msg like dat.

i dun know why. -.-

and so, next monday mayb meeting Julie, Akim Babe and Shafiq Dickhead after school. first time meetin babe and dickhead, but omfg i miss Julie laaaa!.. :D

and i wanna zoom off now,

i have lots of homewerks to do!

peaceoutsss.

050107

2007-01-05T02:40:00.000-08:00

&& YOU MEAN ALOT TO ME.

Hello. :D

im bored!

just now was CCA day and it was superboring can? since me and alot of the others dun have a CCA, all we did for the whole day was roaming around school doing mostly nothing. hmm. den i was so dreading to hear the school dismissal bell to ring at 12.45! so i can get out of the school and have some fun :D

haha. and guess wat, i finally joined a dumb CCA. table-tennis! dun need attend also can. so just gonna heck care bout my CCA points la now. pfffft.

and i met Ashraf just now! wheeeee~ he wore the shirt i bought for him. he look so fcukin cute can! green looks hot on him. superhot :D i had fun hugging him just now. Yay! and we took pictures using his fone just now. 'twas fun doing that wit him. and at last, some superfunny pictures were snapped. haha. ok cool!

and tmrw gonna watch Night At The Museum .. again! wit cousins and all. so njoy tmrw okeh? tralalalaaas.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BADMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! :D

040107

2007-01-04T01:34:00.000-08:00

meeting Ashraf tmrw.
gonna hug him,
till he cant breathe. :D

030107

2007-01-03T02:29:00.000-08:00

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooo ! :D

i feel random.
and im lovin' drums! nyehhh.
that's all for today! BYEEEE. <3

020107

2007-01-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

ASHRAF Y

Ashraf, i love you.

thank you for always being there for me.

thank you for understandin me,

even though i kept you hangin for some time.

thank you for coming back to me,

i've always adored your love.

just three words,

but so much meaning.

020107

2007-01-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

HA HA HA HA HAPPPPPPPPPPPY NEW YEAR ! :D
wow, that sounded more to Xmas.

and and! i cant believe it, i spent two years celebratin New Year's Eve somewhere outside Spore. Grr! i miss spending it here =/ and actually supposed to spend it wit Ashraf this year, he asked me to torn wit him :) i'd love to at first, but before all the bad things happened. den he never asked again. so in the end, went back to Johor la. pfft.

so on new year's eve, went to Gas Haus, and it was damn cool can! the place was like kinda packed on the first floor, so we went up to the second floor and found all the bands there. most of the bands were like Emo ones and some were not. and lemme tell you somethin, im in love wit one band called, The Sexies. they sound supernice can! and the girl singer sang 'Walk Away', wow, she sounded so smooth. jealous! haha. den after that, my brother's band was on the house. at first, they didnt really got the whole place rockin', till they played the song 'Streets Of Uptown'. when that song was playin. the punk and emo guys all went right in front of the stage and moshed. wow, cute! haha. and everyone went OHH-OHH-OHH in the chorus. gerek~ and dis coming February, there's gonna b a Ska Fest :) gonna b a pro band from Bali. i have to buy the tix! but! i dunno how to skank. anyone wanna teach me? :D

and im feelin happy again. what a kickstart to the new year! :D he came back to me. Nurul && Natz were right, he did come back to me! i didnt know he'd do dat, cos he was so afraid of mummy gettin to know again. but now he can trust me, cos i know how to hide it from her already. i promise to try to stop any other stupid things from happenin again.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSA :D

he wants to fetch me from school this friday, yay. its been so long since the last time he fetched me from school. but on wednesday have to print my picture for him, he wants it on friday. :)

so i was woken up at 0415 hours just now, and i dun know why, mayb the mp3 music in my ears were too loud? den i called Ashraf, and he wasnt asleep yet. phew, so i talked to him for only 30 minutes. we talked like we used to, i guess. i think everythin's fine now. so he asked me wats my New Year Resolution. and den i told him, but its private, i cant write it here, sorry eh. den he told me dat his resolution is the same as mine. yay, hi5! :D

shucks

i miss my handphone, omg la. i miss msg-ing people. and i miss all those in my contacts :( I MISSSSSSSSS CONTACTIN THEM!
and i guess that's all i can say now, njoy the new year 2007 everyone! :D

311206

2006-12-30T12:14:00.000-08:00

Yanash Kazuko,

Come Friend Me Okeh :D

today's New Year's Eve.

and im feelin happy, double happy, triple happy, VERY HAPPPPPYY.

so tmrw waking up super early to visit my Nenek Sharifah's house to have my lunch. and mayb a small and fast cousin gathering la. Kak Noreen's gonna b there. and and! abg Aidy and abg Rudy and abg Wan too. i've missed them so much! okay so just now, i went online at 0315 hours and quite a few are online. chatted wit Yan Jepon and catched up wit his life and all. good luck on your ITE next year kay! and he went offline. den chatted wit Uncle Ahmad, hahaha. it was funny talkin to him. superfunny can :D he said dat he could die while talkin to me. cos i can b so irritatin on msn sometimes. but only cases when im bored =0

and now chattin wit Fadhil. aka Fadew :D isnt dat a nice name? hahh. now catchin up on wat happened and wats happenin in his life ..and mine too. haha. and i told him that his display picture is fugly, and he was like, huh wat picture? msn or frenster? den i said, msn. den he was like, huh? which one, the one im wit suspenders eh? and i said, no, the picture you're using now! den he goes, huh? i dun understand! which one?!!!?!?! and i was like, okay drop it. you'll never understand wat simple thing im talkin bout now. pfft. and finally i didnt know how, but he finally understood wat i was tring to say. Fadew is such a clown.

and Ashraf's calling me at 5 am :) and im happy. gonna ask him how's his day and all. gonna try to talk like how i used to talk to him last time. see if it works. sheesh, cant wait to hear his voice, and now's just 0434 hours. nevermind, time's tickin away real fast now.

so after goin to Nenek Sharifah's house at Clementi, gonna travel to Bugis and reach there at 4 sharp and meet up with Ajim at the control station. cant b late, shouldnt keep him waiting again! haha. and and! Eman's goin to Johor first thing in the morning, and he just wasted his ten bucks! stupid shitass! haha. so after the gig, gonna blast off to the customs, and while on the way, gonna stop at Bishan mrt station's last cabin and passing Brother's guitar to daddy. cos he's bringing it home. and den off we go to the customs. and lemme tell you somethin, i hate the msian customs. the guy workers are like freakin disgustin. and i dun like. erghhh.

okeh im done here.

Fadew's gone to shit for awhile.

so just gonna wait for him to come back and tell him dat i wanna shut down the computer.

plug in my mp3 and wait for Ashraf to call.

den i promise, we'll have a nice, supernice talk with each other before i go tmrw.

YANASH KAZUKO'S IN LOVE WITH ASHRAF Y'KOW. :D

301206

2006-12-29T14:59:00.000-08:00

panaroma :)
i love that camera effect.

yesterday was the best day i had in while can? reached Bugis 10 minutes late. whee~
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just ten mintues and they're furious? they shouldnt wait for me den next time. they should turn up late too. and and! guess who i saw, Ainy Modette and her friends, and tak sala AsSrezal too. i think. couldnt really see properly, cos wasnt wearin my specs, and the four of them were like eye-ing me from far. den i was looking at them and heckin-care. den Ainy called out my name, den i turned and confirmed it was her. hahaha. so i was like HUH? HELLO! haha. i dun think i looked friendly to them yesterday. i was such a blur yesterday! hahhh. =/ and and! Ashraf reached there 20 minutes later den me. but my cousins were okay with it anyway. den i took out his present from Brother's bag and they walked off to Bugis Junction first and lets me have my alone time wit Ashraf. den he wanted to go to Bugis Village to buy earring, so i just followed. i felt like a dog for one day but who the shit cares? as long as i can get to see his face is already satisfies my heart. hehh.

although spent just bout 45 minutes wit him, it would b the most memorable one. it was undeciding, we were confused, but yet he still grabbed hold of my hand. and i smiled up at him, and he smiled back. i swear i felt like a million dollars, like i've got everythin and i dun need anythin else. he said i look different. he was like, did you wear makeup? and i was like, umm no? cant u see? no powder, yohoo? haha. and i said, mayb its dat u didnt get to see me for so long. hmm. and there's one part when he suddenly told me not to pierce my tongue (i didnt even mentioned it, it just shoots out from his mouth), and i was like, what if i want to? den that part hit me hard! he looked down and said, oh yeah, i dun control u anymore. pfft. and i was like, you dont? it was sure heartbreakin to hear that. just four fuckin words.

den my cousins called my fone and asked me to meet them at the bus stop in front of Bugis Village. cos we were goin to Gas Haus earlier. and i was like pissed inside, but i just kept quiet. den we headed out of Bugis Village and arrived at the bus stop. that part was like the sad one can! we looked at each other, i dun feel like letting go of him this early, and i think he doesnt too. so we talked and urrrrrgh, MCM SUSAH NAK LEPASKAN! den before he left, he wanted to plant me a kiss on the lips but he was shy cos my cousins were all like lookin? =/ den i was like, its okay, dun care them, they like. haha. and he gave me one in the end! :)

HAPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY x123456789123456789123456789 :D

and he went to meet his fren somewhere and we went to Gas Haus and passed the money to Roy, the organizer. and went back to Bugis Village and ate at Burger King. and it was total madness there can! i was like such a blur. even my drink spilled. =/ hahaha. that's 101% belo la. hmm. den after eatin my meal, i msg-ed wit Ashraf :) cos you see, i dropped the card i wrote for him. and its fcukin long can! so i didnt know how to tell Ashraf wat i wrote in the letter. so i told him that overall, the letter just wanted you to know dat i love him and will always do until he has another. den he said, thanks dear, me too. and he's goin ITE Simei so its gonna b quite hard to meet up wit him next year. pfft. double pffffffft.

den we watched Night At The Museum. and you people should watch it la! its damn nice :) and Ben Stiller's one funny guy in the show. with the hunters and the 26th US president, which he thought as the 4th US president. and there's this monkey called Dexter which looked so fuckin cute in wax and at nite, when it comes to live, its attitude is like kjetcaieruyghvcnerjkajmeau. hahaha. but you people just have to catch it in the movies okeh.

den ate KFC for dinner. and den they smoke3 outside LJS. and den we went home and everyone decided to sleepover at my house. so reached my house bus stop at 2357hours. den went under the block. and they smoke again. the stick is like so effing long can! urrrrgh. Winston, yup. haha. den went to 7eleven and bought Slurpee and Ajim treat me Lakerol sweet :D yayy.

den reached home at 0028hours. hahaha. and den bathed and all dat. and gave Ashraf a call. den chatted wit him for bout 30 minutes. im happppppyyyyyyyyyyyy yesterday. superhappy :D den i told him dat i cant take it if i didnt call him for just one day. den he said, me too. den he asked me to print out my photo. cos he bought a frame already, and he needs the foto. haha. so im printing the foto dat he wants and passing it to him on one of the days, i dun know when ..? haha. den he kept on saying 'i love u'. when we wanted to hang up, he said, i love u. den i said, i love u too. den he said, nite2, sweet dreams, sleep tite, and lastly a kiss! :) and i gave him a gudnite kiss too. and i just wanted to press the 'End Call' button when i heard him saying 'i love u' again. how sweet can he get? so i said, i love u too. okay? hehe.

so mayb on New Year's Eve, after my Brother's gig at Gas Haus, we're all goin to Johor at nite. cos its Hari Raye Haji. and my atok kesayangan ask me to come Johor. hehhh. gonna snap pictures there okeh? :D

gudnite peeps, i wanna take a sleep.

291206

2006-12-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

&& I LOVE YOU SO.

today's gonna b my 'big' day.

mayb the most important day of my life now.

pffft. after today, imma suffer. :(

yesterday nite was spent writing for him long love letters. colourful ones, too. i hope it has a meaning to him. and i folded hearts and placed it in a jar which has 'ONLY YOU' writings. i thought it'd b sweet. and i hope the shirt i bought for him fits perfectly :D i could almost imagine how cute he'd look like in the shirt. and its greeeeeeeeen! his favourite colour. :)

and i hope he reconsiders bout somethin :(

i'd really like dat to happen.

so later goin out and meeting my Brother's two friends and goin City Hall to sell his trombone.

gonna b worth only $50-$60 !

but he's desperate in gettin at least some money for his family.

how sweet. :)

okeh la i gotta gooooooooooooo.

too many people are buzzin meon msn.

celeste and akim babe, i love you!

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

281206

2006-12-28T03:41:00.000-08:00

i feel like half of me is gone :(
tmrw meetin Ashraf at Bugis awhile to pass him the shirt i bought for him.
and i think its gonna b the last time i get to meet him, until for very long :(
pfft. i hate my controlled life. too many stupid things i did, and too many sad things happened.
how stupid for me to do useless stuffs and in the end, another person is affected too.
how stupid can i get?
but mayb no-one can change me, cos that's how i am.
not wat i choose to b.

i should stop this.
i shouldnt blame anyone for all that happened.
so tmrw, gonna see him.
just wanna look at him properly, how beautiful his eyes are,
how cute his hair is,
how sweet his smile can get.
i'd never trade dat for anythin else.

oh fuck, just two years and everythin will b like how it used to b.
or it wont?
i will never forget how sweet he was even when we have to b apart.
the sincerety in his voice when he asked me to remember dat he still loves me.
and will wait for me.
i will too dear, dun worry.

'i will make you the most sweetest memory in my life'
wats written for me,
is the best for you.

FROM YOU, I FOUND MY LIFE. <3
Ashraf, i love you, i really do ..

271206

2006-12-27T03:25:00.000-08:00

HE TURNED ME UPSIDE DOWN CAN?

THE BOIS .. AGAIN?

DUN BLAME HER, SHE'S TIRED.

THE BOIS.

IM NOT EMO.

BRRR. ITS COLD IN THERE OKEH!

BLOODY ADDICTED GAMERRRRS :D

271206

2006-12-27T03:10:00.000-08:00

HE NEEDS A SUPERNANNY :D

ISKANDAR JOJOOOOT!

ME, MUMMY, AUNTIE ELIZA & AUNTIE ELINA!

I THINK THEY LOOK ABIT LIKE CHINESE.

AJIM ANDDD ME :D

The Ahmad Family (:

Noemie Tiara (:

Sherlin (:

271206

2006-12-26T15:39:00.001-08:00

mummy dun really like me having a boyfren too soon :(

i felt so bored. she read all my msgs la can! pfft. i dun know how else to prevent her from invading into my privacy? i know she's my mum, but it doesnt mean dat she has to know everythin bout my life right?

yesterday cried and cried till i fell asleep on my bed. kept on thinkin wat i would do next? called Ashraf and told him dat mummy wanna meet him tmrw at woodlands. i dun know how it'd turn out to b. i was crying when i called him, and the conversation was awkward :

Ashraf : Hello?
Me : Hello.
Ashraf : Yes?
Me : My mum wants to see you tmrw. She wanna talk to you. She found out bout us.
Ashraf : Okay. Is everythin ok? Knape u nangis? Wat she wanna talk bout?
Me : i dun know. But u can meet her rite tmrw?
Ashraf : Sure.
Me : -silence-
Ashraf : U, i ngah keje nie. Later i call u back can?
Me : Okay. Bye.
Ashraf : Bye.

:(
den at nite called him up again.

Ashraf : Hello?
Me : Hello. Where are you?
Ashraf : On the way home.
Me : Okay. U, bout just now.. My mum wanna ask you to stop contactin me. That's why she wanted to meet u.
Ashraf : -silence-
Me : Would u really stop contactin me? Bcos i still wouldnt.
Ashraf : If you wanna stop, den we stop. But do you wanna stop?
Me : Of cos not.
Ashraf : So we dont stop. But wat if your mum finds out?
Me : Hopefully she wont.
Ashraf : Okay.
Me : So everything she's gonna say tmrw, dun take it to heart.
Ashraf : Okay, im prepared.
Me : Okay den. I wanna eat.
Ashraf : Okay. Bye.
Me : Bye.
Ashraf : i love you.
Me : i love you too.

(:

i think im the most luckiest person in this whole wide world, cos i have an understandin guy right bside me.
im fuckin thankful for dat.
He's a gift from God.

271206

2006-12-26T14:48:00.001-08:00

im back from my long trip (:
and im back to my normal self again :(
the sad ol' Dian.
pfft.

on the first day, waited for auntie Elina and Uncle Arim to arrive from Spore. they finally arrived at 4 in the afternoon. we waited for damn long la can! pfft. haha. den reached the Johor house and they had a quick lunch, yummy. den everyone got in the van and headed for the highway. it was crazy in the van! Eman was sucking down air-con (aint dat stupid?) and ajim & sazlee & ashraf singing stupid jiwang songs like 'Isabella'. they were practically screamin their lungs out cos they just couldnt reach dat high note, haha!

let's see, we went to Melaka on the first day, and its quite boring over there. xcept for the Pusat Bandar. had KFC for dinner and went to our apartment for the night. its big and nice, i think the name is Mahkota Hotel. kept on going up and down late in the nite. downstairs so fun! hahaha. omfg, i think my bloggin sucks. okeh nevermind. den found out somethin bad :( my cousins and also my brother take cocain. i dun know why, but i felt so wrong. who am i to stop them from doing that? nak mati awal ke ape? pfft. damn pissed la. i should've known dat cigarettes werent enough for them. erghh. but anyway, we snapped pictures and all in the hotel. but unfortunately, i was busy takin other people's photos, i didnt even snap my own. haha.

den went to Pusat Bandar and had our lunch, den headed to Genting. Yessssssssssa! (: i love Gentinggg! haha. did stupid stuffs in the van again and reached Genting! the best part was when going up the highland, we opened the van windows and enjoyed the cold air! i loike (:
den reached Genting and booked two joining rooms at First World Hotel. unpacked our stuffs and went down to xplore. hahh. its okeh la, but we didnt played there anyway. only went shoppin and all. den went back to the hotel and played snakes and ladder (-.-) hahaha. i dun know who the hell bought that stupid game. might as well buy poker cards right? bahh. den at 2 in the morning, i went down to the empty mall wit ajim, sazlee, ashraf and mia. it was so empty, i could even hear my own footsteps. the place was so calming.

den the next day went to KL. yes, finally somethin! (: booked our 3 days stay at Hotel Istana, de best hotel i've ever slept in. but unfortunately, it was under renovation. but guess wat? auntie Elina gave us 2 Deluxe rooms. and it was heavenly, i tell you! hahaha. it was nice, the bathtub's great too, yknow! dat is why i simply love Hotel Istana. but the pool and the gyms were under renovation :( and i read this paper in the hotel room, it said that whoever wants to go swimming, you can go to Crown Prince Hotel's swimming pool. how lame can they get? hahaha. can tumpang siaa. woo.

at KL, i bought 2 polo shirts for me and 1 green shirt for Ashraf from a cool jap shop @ Times Square. and another skirt from a different shop. and guess wat, RM 220 gone! hahaha. but it was worth it la. den on the last nite, went to Karaoke at 2 in the morning. everyone sang a song each, and it when it was Aliff's turn, it was damn funny la can! he sang Isabella. and the waiter came in and sent the bill. and his face was like cramped. haha. everyone thinks its bcos of Aliff's singin. oh well.

den went back to Johor on Friday and slept there and bla bla blaaa. den the next day we had to go back to spore cos there's a wedding invitation in which everyone in our family must go cos its dammit important, but i dun know why? haha. so the next day, everyone went home together. and i left my specs bhind! cos was in a hurry right. pfft. leceh laa. den met mummy at Admiralty and went to Tiara's house. the baby's cheeks are gettin fatter i tell you! haha. den had my lunch there. and den fell asleep on Nichola's bed with Kak Azlin. hahaha. den woke up at 7.30 and went home.

next day, went to the wedding invitation dat everyone die-die must go. had our lunch there. and everyone was pressing me and ajim to go sing a song for the newlyweds. hmm. okehh. hahaha! den chose a song, Jangan Pisahkan. we sang and they kept on bringin flowers to us, kept on pressurin ajim to pass the flower to me. was damn shy la can! pfft. den after the song finish, they clapped and ajim passed the yellow flower to me. at that time, i swear i thought dat he was the sweetest guy on Earth. but den, it was just a one-time thinkin la. he's my cousin, people! haha. =/ and i have Ashraf. wat else would i ever ask for again?

171206

2006-12-16T12:53:00.000-08:00

KEBABOOOOOOOOOOOOM! :D
time check : 0453 am

wow, second day im awake at the break of dawn. hahhh. anyway, Ashraf's calling in a while, gonna have a chat with him before i leave for Johor later on at 9 morn. :( den wanna go City Square wit my mates and i'll b at the Levi's shop if anyone wanna see me :)

bahh dats pure crap =/

so we gonna sleepover at the Johor house for today and on Monday gonna zoom off to Melaka, den KL, den Genting, den back to Johor, and the next day in Singapore. okeh that's longggg.

packing was so uber funny just now, with mummy and Brother. kept on cracking lame jokes eh.

Brother : what's an award that repeats itself?
Me & Mummy : Dunno.
Brother : a reward HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

ME : HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA x1234567890987654321

who the hell doesnt know that im in love with lame jokes? =/

hmm i dun know wat else to write here. nyeh nyeh nyehh,

:D

smiling is always the best anyway. :D
smile! SMILE! :D

okeh Ashraf's calling soon already, better off the computer.
i'll miss you computer, and all those who'll miss me.

I'LL GET EVERYONE SOMETHIN OKEH? PROMISEEEEE :D

161206

2006-12-15T23:32:00.000-08:00

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D
i feel better, so much better

that yucky feeling is gone,
thrown far away.

talked to Ashraf a few times this morning,
it was superfunny okeh :D
but heck, i miss him alot luhh.
told him not to forget bout me when im away,
and he warned me not to get on a mat rempit's back.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA MCM FAHAM OKEH!

today supposed to go to the wedding reception, but we didnt. cos told mummy that i dun feel like goin, and im in a bad mood. and she said that its okeh, cos the rest of my cousins arent goin too. hahhh isnt dat great?! so later goin to j8 and look for my new fone. mayb Sony Ericsson will do for the mean time. i need a good-quality camera fone wit a memory stick for my trip okeh. so i can upload pictures into the computer after my trip :) den after finding my fone, wanna go Ice Lemon Tee and buy my leggings.

after j8, goin to Sembawang and visit my kindergarten friend, she's sick. like she cant walk, she suddenly have some kind of illness. hmm. anyway, after this gonna take a bath again cos i feel smelly cos i just completed all my chores : vacuummy room, mop the whole house, wash the dishes & wipe the dust off some of mummy's priceless stuffs.

now chattin wit akim babe, he's funny okeh. and im gettin more and more familiar to MySpace. but im more to friendster, i guess. okeh whatever shits.

last words for the third post of the day :

i miss him :(
i miss him :(
i miss him :(

161206

2006-12-15T15:06:00.000-08:00

why do i feel like im missing everyone already?
i havent even gone away,

people i miss :

1) Ashraf x 12343923874588374r68239571 times more
2) Nurul :)
3) Syukri bestie
4) Nuwul gf
5) Ihsan bestie
6) Julie :)
7) Dian Khatib
8) Mama Dian Tamp
9) Papa Fufumi
10)Adik Ayie Tamp
11) Abg Afiq Tamp
12) Abg Azmi
13)Kak Aisha
14) Mustakim babe

it was fun talkin to akim babe and his friends yesterday.
discovered a guy who sounds like a girl, den found out dat he's small
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA i need someone to cheer me up
cos im smiling abit now
and i still dun know why

oh yes
time check : 0711 hours
off to sleep now

161206

2006-12-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

time check : 0619 hours
and im awake

guess wat, i had a nitemare,
the worst i had to go through ever since the one i had during my primary school years

wat am i supposed to do now? i feel so tired. :( called Ashraf up but he answered the fone, den found out that he slept early. he asked me go back to sleep, wish i could too. he gave me a kiss and if only that would make me go back to sleep? pfft. why must stupid things happen to me all the time? im tired of all this.

I FEEL BADDDDDDDDDD NOW, REAL BAD. :(
AND YEAH, I DUN KNOW WHYYYYYY. SHIT

bahh i hate this feeling,
im goin away real soon. and i dun have enough time wit him yet. my fone's still at the workshop, wont b repaired until monday. and monday morning, i'll b on the way to Johor already. tmrw's having wedding invitation, oh shit i hate all this noisy places. where people are all happy, singing into the microphone, when im the one who's forced to go to this stupid reception and feeling so bad inside.

fuck you dian
stop blaming others

oh shit im having attitude problem now

i need him nowwwwwwww
now, anyone bring him here for me please
im desperate okeh
whatever =/

when will i ever get to REALLY show Ashraf why im really carrying on in life?
someone, please press the pause button to my life
i need a break now,

151206

2006-12-15T02:35:00.000-08:00

now dats wat im talkin bout! the gig, cant wait.

Brother brought Shahril, his lead vocalist, home for some practise in our living room. didnt know my living room is a jamming studio. and my mood wasnt good today, but omfg omfg,
SHAHRIL IS SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. HE'S DOING SOME STUPID STUFFS TO THE KEYBOARD WE HAVE AT HOME.
HE'S PRESSING THE ALL THOSE FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYY BUTTONS OMG I CANT STOP LAUGHING HE IS SO IRRITATING
AND NOW HE STOPPED FIDDLING WITH THE KEYBOARD AND SINGIN AN EMOCORE SONG AND POINTING TO ME. =.=
THAT IS DISTURBINGGGGGGGGG.

he really changed my mood today, he's freakin funny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA. okeh im done laughin and now im bored. Shahril's gone to meet his girlfriend and Brother's off to buy me dinner. im alone at home again :( so kept on editing my new blogskin, is it too messy or is it just fine? i need some opinions. and the comment boxes are activated. so people, please comment sometime okeh? :)

ahhhhhhh i miss him. and im supposed to go overseas this sunday till the 23rd without meeting him at all. how am i supposed to survive that way? pfft, wat to do.

Ashraf, i love you deeeeeeeeeeps. <3
never wanna let you go.
is that a deal? :)

151206 : WITHOUT YOU

2006-12-14T23:04:00.000-08:00

fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkkk fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk =/

im sorry to type those words as the startin of this post.
but i really have to let go,

im tired of stayin stucked in this home.
i know i've done so many mistakes,
and in the end, mummy found out bout my secrets.
freakin shit, those secrets which mummy shouldnt know.

pfft, my life's screwed during the holidays,
should've known better.
bahhh i hate everythin now.
leave me alone. :(

when you're a teen and you keep secrets between your siblings, cousins and close friends, wat does that mean? it means that you dun want any others to know, especially your parents and all. but they just cant accept the fact that they dun know any of my secrets, so they go diggin here and there, all round my room for some juicy secrets of mine. even my fone is spoilt cos they were surely doin somethin with it. shits, i feel so trapped now. i dun know who to turn to. when i need Ashraf, he's busy at work, and suddenly dun reply my message. isnt that like weird? and he still dun feel gud bout me.

but from now on, i know how to behave myself. to think of him everytime i wanna do something. if its bad, i'd quit it. and why does he still feel dat negative feeling? pfffffft. i feel like dyin. can someone nearest to the kitchen, grab a knife and stab me somewhere near the heart?

please?
i'd really like dat.

141206 : NANGIS TAK BERLAGU LAGI

2006-12-14T02:15:00.000-08:00

this is the funniest conversation i've ever heard between two couples :

BOY : okay, i'll see you later dear.
GIRL : 'later' as in 'tonight' or 'later' as in 'sometime in this lifetime' ?
BOY : oh, haha. give me a call sometime.
GIRL : 'give you a call' as in 'you respect my right to take the initiative' or 'give you a call' as in 'call only when you specifically ask' ?
BOY : you're a riot la dear. well, i've got to go.
GIRL : 'im a riot' as in 'you love me' or 'im a riot' as in 'we just broke up' ?
BOY HANGS UP.
GIRL SAYS TO HERSELF : boys should come with instruction booklets.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA funny shit.
im in need of jokes.
anyone?

Y

141206 : UNTIL THE DAY I DIE

2006-12-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

I FEEL LETHARGICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC =/

woke up at 0949am today and i dun find my fone anywhere near me. panicked and called mummy, she said she accidentally dropped my fone and it couldnt be on. :( thats why she brought it to work, to send it for repairs before my trip. i need that fone to snap some pictures okeh. hmphff. i feel so messyyyyyyy,

den didnt know wat to do, so called Ashraf and chatted wit him using my house fone. hahh. usually, he's the one who always call me using his house fone. well, it felt funny btw. nyehhh who cares? at least it makes me happy den its okay :) den daddy woke up and i had to hang up. pffft. den called him back only at 2. he was in the train on his way to work, said im sorry to call back so late. den he said nevermind, den hung up. den called him again, and said those three little words, and he said back four (-.-) and laughed den hung up. bahh i miss him luhh okay. i neeeeeeeeed him.

tmrw's plan wit him is kept hangin. mummy wont let me go, she said its not her authorisation anymore, watever that means. she asked me to ask daddy if i wanna go out tmrw. so lettin him know tonight, only hope that he'd let me go. i cant stand it anymore, my fone's a wreck, i cant go out, wat bad thing else will come haunt me? grrr.

and today outing wit Syuk bestie and his friends to Bugis is cancelled, cos i have no fone. no fone, no life. WHO AGREES? hahh i bet most people do. and now, chattin wit Syahida dear, told her im feelin messy and lethargic, and she told me she's feelin stupid. and we keep on typin things like 'eksnguhrx' and 'dtuecrnhht' and 'zxcvbnmkuth'. now dats wat i call crap. and i luv it.

anyway, my brother's gig is postponed again. wth, wth. so now, let me make the necessary corrections :

VENUE : GAS HAUS
DATE : 31ST DECEMBER 2006
TIME : 12PM TILL LATE
BAND : BLANK NOTE & OTHERS
GENRE : INDIE, ALTERNATIVE
ENTRY FEE : $10 includes 1 soft drink

okeh da. anymore changes (wtf) i'll update it here! :D

so i read Chicken Soup For The Woman's Soul when i was waitin for my lunch. alot of cute stories in there, btw. and now im seriously bored. i wanna call him! but he's workin luhh. Grr! if only i can have that day with him tmrw before i go for KL :( dats wat i want badly now. bahhh screw everythin.

you're irreplaceable,
there's no another you.

131206 : CAUGHT UP

2006-12-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

gotta go to OP and change the yellow shirt mummy bought for me the other day.
its too bigggggggg.
and yeah, im happy, that's why im bloggin twice in a day.

okay kool!
gig, gig
cant wait

131206 : AND WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART

2006-12-13T00:46:00.000-08:00

IM SO HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY :D

although spent only like less den three hours and still am satisfied. bombed bout $70+ yesterday and im fine wit that actually. cos gonna spend more money when i go for KL next week. i cant barely wait luhh. =/

1) a $7 long pink shirt
2) a $32 purple-boxed bag
3) a $25 green and white long sleeve shirt
4) a $10 crown belt,

and Brother was so mad cos it took me such a long time to find a perfect pair of jeans and a green skirt that i've been wanting for so long. but still, i couldnt find it! Grr! mayb next time luhh. den had dinner at KFC. and this group of boys wearing all-black, they were so noisy in the KFC la siaa. cant even concentrate on my food. and everyone there were like 'shit', 'goddamnit'. hahhh.

yeahh. Ihsan bestie is back from Johor, but tmrw he's off to KL. too bad, cant follow me and Syuk bestie go Bugis tmrw. pfft. just wanted to have some freakin fun wit them both and some other VIPs. bahh too bad i guess. but well, im not sure im goin either. thought of bringin Ashraf along, but his work got in the way. so yeah, if i were to follow, i wont really talk. cos i dun really know Syuk's friends la. but i dun dare go out anyway, afraid i wont get to go out with Ashraf on friday. that'd b the end for me. blaaaaaaaa.

yesssssssa! got tickets for Brother's gig yesterday from Hazril rudeboy, at BK. those tickets are prettyyyy. (: so for anyone who's interested in goin, here's the details, and you can beep me on my cell!

VENUE : GAS HAUS
DATE : 7TH JANUARY 2007
ENTRY FEE : $10
BAND NAME : BLANK NOTE
BAND'S GENRE : PUNK, SKA, ROCK

you can find me there, for sure [:

okay yesterday i finally had time to talk to Ashraf on the fone. and its been a long time, i must say. but wat to do..? hahhh. called him at 5 in the mornin and he was on his way home from a friend's house. den talked to him when he reached home. den hung up after satisfied talkin, cos he's tired too and needs some rest. messaged him, 'i luv u deep deep'. and he replied, 'brape deep?hehek'. and i replied, 'too deep to know'. and i slept a sweet one.

lookin forward to meetin him this friday. gonna have a day wit him. first to Orchard, den to Bugis. psst, its his plan.

DUM TI DUM TI DUMMMMMMM :D

121106 : HOLD ME TIGHT

2006-12-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

bahhh.
my outing wit Nurul is cancelled :( cos mummy found out bout my piercing and she went wild yesterday nite. she forced me to take it out and throw it away. she wont let me keep it luhh. Grrr! she kept on blabbering bout why i didnt used my brain that i pierced at a place like JOHOR. with no medication or anythin. she asked me to let the piercing close by itself, cos she dun want any infection. stupid 5 ringgit gone to waste. pfft.

sorry Nurul! :( your LJS meal is on me right when the new term starts next year okeh? hahhh. she wants a treat, goddammit. :D

SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT /
today supposed to go Gas Haus wit Brother. den mummy said that tonight's the only day she feel like goin shopping. so yeahhh. anythin for new clothes man! hahhh. and so later at 0530 pm gonna go Bugis wit brother and go meet mummy there. wanna go shoppin, its been a superlongggg time eh. hahh. i need more clothes for the future. hahahh. and and! guess wat? mummy bought me an OP luggage bag for the KL trip and its supernice :D so happy! the patterns are nice, brown and white flowers and leaves all over. saw the price tag, $25 and was shocked. how could a nice branded bag cost $25? hahhh. so called mummy up and she told me that she had to spend $120 at OP, den she can buy that bag, only paying $25. i was like WTH? den she asked me to open up the bag and see what's inside.

1) a yellow shirt for me, with quite nice wordings.
2) a brown pants FOR MY BROTHER,
3) a brown shirt FOR MY BROTHER,
3) a green shirt FOR MY BROTHER,
4) a brown sling bag FOR MY BROTHER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! friggin shit

isnt that just irritatin? everythin's for my brother. i mean, i got that luggage bag, but it just wasnt enough luhh. freakin lucky boy. =/ nevermind, i'll make sure that today imma buy more things den him. i dun care! bahhh.

okay yesterday's last episode of Hikmah is okeh luhh. i mean, the last two episodes were a rush, and every character turned over a new leaf so fast. mayb the director wanted the story to end fast, but that's not the way man! hahh. it makes the story's ending look stupid. anyway, with Hikmah finished, there's gonna b DIAN III every Monday startin next week. catch it! i gotta feelin its gonna b supernice. :D

everythin's going on fine between me and him, im so glad. i would like to thank the wonders from Above for making it fine for us. i wish we could stay like this forever. if that ever happens, i'll probably b the most happiest person alive.

who said it was so easy,
to put back all this pieces?

111206 : SING ME TO SLEEP

2006-12-11T00:06:00.000-08:00

GODDDDDDDDD.

havin a long talk wit mummy today. =/ gonna b fine i guess. wanna talk to her bout Ashraf, wanna b straightforward wit her. wanna say sorry that i did stupid things all this while. wanna share wit her how much i like Ashraf, wanna get her approval. and wanna tell her bout Iqbal too. how my past was so fucked up cos of him. so that i'll have my fone back for gud. the truth always works.

pfft.

talked to Ashraf bout the Anonymous who tagged my board. and he was like '..?' he said, mayb its someone from my school. well, guess wat? i dun give a damn. hahhhhh, get that. had quite a short talk wit him and he's having work now. meetin him this friday, goin town. gotta b fun no matter wat, cos on sunday goin Johor already. bahhhh. gonna miss everyone here badly.

and now,

im feelin so bored. and so not in the mood. and i dun know why. friendster's pissing me off. the new layout forced me to re-edit my whole profile. friggin shits. think gonna on the tv and entertain myself abit, cheer myself up abit. there's no reason to get upset la please. ok go! on the tv! okay done. byebyeeeeeeeeeee :D

well guess wat,
i miss my life!

111206 : LETTERS TO YOU

2006-12-10T22:10:00.006-08:00

shit ok.
my life is full of shits

parents are continuously nagging bout my rudeness towards them. but heck, since when was i ever rude to them..? now everything i say seem to sound rude to them. fuck care la, i dun know how else to convince them already that i wasnt being rude at all. that's one problem. the other is that im grounded, cos mummy found out somethin bad i did when i was at Johor the other day. i cant go out before the KL trip, but thats like impossible, cos i'd have to go out somehow, wanna spend a day with Ashraf.

too bad my life's so fucked up at this point of time.

and when everythin seems to fall apart, problems keep on addinggggg. im freakin pissed. last two days, we quarrelled again, but im not sure why. den everything was solved with a sorry from him. i forgive him, cos i understand that sometimes we tend to get carried away by feelings all the time. i always xperience that, and it felt like !@$^&* i tell you!

and when that problem's solved, see here comes another, which crushes my heart so much.

why are there so much people taggin my board nowadays with harsh words? dun they have nth better to do den criticising how other people look, even if its not me they're talkin bout? dun they use their brain, dat they're talkin bout the guy i love here. this is my blog, my say. for those people who have the guts to get in my blog without my permission, its okay to just read and just keep your mouth shut. but if you dun have the right to come in, and you decided to 'not agree' with whatever i say here, and tag my board with such rudeness, den i'll have to get even wit you.

to anonymous,
say whatever you wanna say. it may add to my problems, but who are you to break my relationship with Ashraf? i really hope you're readin this, cos one day, somebody's gotta teach you a lesson not to disturb someone-you-dun-even-know's life. what credit can you get out of doing that? chocolates? -.- no, wat you get is shit thrown right back at you. you wanna talk shit wit me, i'll talk shit wit you too. so we're even. this is so childish, but wat else can i do to drive you away from my blog? i could ban you from taggin, but i dun want to. so will you stop sayin your comments aloud? keep it to yourself, so that people wont dislike you. hahhhhhh.

im friggin done wit people who wanna destroy my life. so far, no one came up to me and said HEY I DUN LIKE YOU TO B WIT NAVAL BASE GUYS. but hey, dats my freakin problem man. are you related to me that you can say somethin like that? and guess wat, it doesnt matter anyway cos you're not anybody to me. Ashraf is. if he wanna break away from me, he'll do it. with or without your help. Thank you for your concern anyway.

to Ashraf,
sorry bout yesterday. promised to talk wit you at 2am, but i really couldnt wake up from my sleep luh. =/ was in the middle of a sweet dream i guess. hahhh. anyway, i miss you :( wish we could meet soon, right before im off for my KL trip and its not gonna end fast. love you.

i wanna be with you,
i wanna be the only hand you need to hold on to.

091206 : JOY BEYOND COMPARE WITH YOU BY MY SIDE

2006-12-08T13:28:00.000-08:00

" and when our two worlds collide, unrecruited love was realised. "

hola bloggie, im back after four days of total boredom at clementi. but it was a happy one for me, too. and i dun know why. i felt the happiness, so overwhelming in me, tryin to find a way to come out. after all this while, i realised that i wasnt being a good person. but lately, i've just been hangin around at home, thinkin bout wat i've done, all those stupid things i regretted. i think im recovered, really. =/

me and Ashraf's relationship is gettin much muchhh better, and phew there was so much pain to bear. but now that everything's over, im back to my normal self, and him back to his sweet self, i've never felt any better. he proved his love to me so much more, and started messaging me at the break of dawn, lettin me know how much he loved me and all -just like before. now, i wouldnt xpect anythin much more from him anymore, cos i know that i have to give him some too. love and care is all we need, and its more den enough.

and i could sleep everynite with a smile on my face, doesnt matter if there's no reason bhind it. just knowing that im feelin so happy and that my heart's calm is enough to make me live with that smile. the more i miss him, the more i realise that i love him. i may b too young now to understand love, but i think im matured enough to say that love is strong. we'll have to fight to get it, fight to make it stay, and fight for it to last forever. fight till the end.

Ashraf, i just want you to know how i much i loved you from the beginning. and the feeling is still there. it wont go away, unless .. i wouldnt wanna mention it. i just wanna enjoy the long road ahead of us, there'll be ups and downs, full of tears and laughter. but im gonna go through all this with you, im not gonna let you go through the bad times alone. i'll always b by your side as long as you want me to.

if i wrote you a love note,
and make you smile at every word i wrote,
wat would you do?

051206 : THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR

2006-12-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

yo im back.

okay life's been freakin fun two days back. passed the customs on early saturday morning, and straight away called abg alee and abg ashraf up. met them at Carrefour and ate there. then went to SMART and pierced another hole in the middle of my ear. i'll upload a picture of my ear to let people know wat i mean. hahahaha. abg eman was the last among the rest to pierce his first earhole. walked and walked around, and being the only girl there, i was bullied :( boos. it's okay, they're freaks. reached our two-day 'home' at Desa Perwira and found my little cousin there. he keep on wanting me to carry him, act cute la shit. hahh. anyway, i did carry him in the end. but the experience was badddd. he love spitting at us, stepping on our bodies when we're still sleepin and slappin our faces! grr!

den went into the room and they lit their cigs. iskandar (the small, naughty cousin) was in the room too. he wanted to smoke too, so they held the cig, and he sucked in and breathed out the smoke. den! he wanted more, wat a young asshole. hahaha. den after that went to watch Step Up with them, while playin poker cards. hahaha, funny la. den the next day, went to the bdae party at Ros Merah, and so many people were there, even some hot Mat Johor guys. nyahaha.

den after eating and all, went to walk around the quiet roads. it really did eased my mind. they sat down bside this longkang, and smoked. den abg alee's two friends came with their motor. den they made friends with us and sat down and smoked too. den i asked abg ashraf whether he could ride a motor, den he said yeah. den i asked him to bring me around the roads, i wanna try. den he said that he's scared to bring ME on the motor. wuekkkkkkkkk. den i asked abg alee, but he said the same thing. den he asked me to ask his friend. but i didnt want to. den he asked for me, den he said okay. but before i went up the motor, that guy whispered to me, to hold him tight. i accidentally screamed, TIGHT? hahaha. wat for hold him? its an empty and wide road la please. so i decided not to take the ride anymore.

that night, Ashraf! missed call me. i was so happy, i thought he forgot bout me. yayyy. den Iqbal called me up, but i didnt answer. i remembered wat Ashraf! told me. i have to listen to wat he say. for my own good and his. right dear?

the last night was spent at a club in Johor. didnt wanna go at first, but they ALL forced along. so i had no choice but to follow them, but promised myself not to do anythin stupid. so over there, they smoked sisha den smoked their cigs, and abg alee and abg azim drank. i just sat there and enjoyed the laugh and the music. the music's great la ok! (: spent hours there, and walked home at 3 mornin. it was weird, cos two people were drunk and we werent used to it. me and abg ashraf held abg azim and my brother and aliff held abg alee. they were in total drunkness. muttered stupid stuffs, and abg azim kept on swearing that he'd marry the girl at the phone shop at Carrefour. umm okay? hahahahhhh. we were like laughing our asses off till we reached home and lay them on the bed. everyone was asleep by then, and he four of us played poker cards. aliff wanted to torn at first, but through the middle of the game, his eyes kept on growin smaller. so everyone slept after just one game. woahhhh, wat a nite.

den in the morning, everyone woke up by force from granny. she kept reminding us not to be late cos she fear that the causeway'd get jammed in the afternoon. but still, we could only manage to wake up at 1+ hahaha. and den everyone took a bath and went to eat at Komtar before we go back to spore. hugged and said bye to abg alee and abg ashraf and went off. its just two days and it was total madness ok! i couldnt imagine how the 18th trip would be like. its gonna b a one-week full of madness.

reached spore, and msg-ed syukBF and told him that im back and his chewin gums are with me. but he didnt reply :( den reached home, he told me that he cant msg me. i said its okay, and promised to pass him his chewin gums once i meet him. hahah. passed the customs, and straight away gave Ashraf! a call. gave each other a kiss and hung up. reached home and went online. chatted with akimBABE. yeahhhh.

yesterday nite was kinda hurtful :( msg-ed him twice and he didnt reply. den called him up and he said he was at Esplanade with his friends. den he whispered, 'i call u back wen i reach home k?' den i just hung up. the way he whispered and the way he really wanted to put down the fone really stinged my heart. like there was some other people there. msg-ed him and told him that i dun want him to call me dat nite. den he didnt reply. went to watch Hikmah with watery eyes and after that, went straight to sleep. woke up in the middle of the nite, kept on coughing and eventually led me running to the toilet. and i puked. ergh. that was the most disgustin feeling i'd ever wanted to feel.

den after quality time in the toilet, went back to bed, and i couldnt sleep. thinkin bout him :( so called him up and we talked for only awhile. he kept on saying that he's havin a small headache. so i told him to just hang up the fone, and we'll talk next tyme. and he agreed, hmphff.

and sumthing else bad happened today :( msg-ed him twice this morning and he didnt reply again. ergh. shitness la. den called him up and he asnwered, den he asked me wats with the msg. den i said, nth. den i said, i wanted to hang up, and i did. den he msg-ed me, 'wats wit u? can u stop thinkin negative? i stil luv u.'

im feelin bad now, i tink i have not been a good girl by his side. i think i really did change. and despite all the efforts of gettin back to normal, i dun tink its workin out, really. :( only he can change me, i guess. hope he'd b patient. i really love him. just scared of losin him, thats all.

will you let me,
let me love you?

011206 : I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU

2006-12-01T00:53:00.000-08:00

omfg la.
im feelin so depressed,

why must we always quarrell for no reason? i hope this wont be an end to our relationship. its been two months plus i've known him. i've known him well enough to make myself realise that he is the one for me. i'd do anythin to convince him that a special part of my heart is reserved especially for him, for him to make it shine brighter and to make me live the rest of my life with a smile on my face and with him beside me. my life is now officially all about him. =/

i know i've changed into a stupid negative-thinkin girl. i wish i could stop all that. i wanna be the girl he liked last time, the girl who was just being herself. he told me i change abit. well i thought about it. it's not that i changed, its just because i admit that i did some stupid stuffs, but i didnt know that it would let people's impressions about me change in a blink of an eye? okay, maybe i did changed abit, just a tiny little bit. but who freakin cares? i dun think anyone does.

does he?

well, i guess i'll have to answer that myself den. :(

why oh why didnt you reply my message? its sent at 16:45. and now's 5:39. heck, it's been almost an hour since i've waited for your reply. i looked like a stupid stupid fool. my faith is gone, all of it, really :( i dun know who to turn to now. and julie, thanks for everything. thanks for bringing my strength back, yeah i've gotta b strong. he really is one of a kind, and i hope that he'll b mine forever ever. and whatever happens, i'll have to let the truth go.

dian, you're back from camp. yessssa! missed you. and its nice to finally hear from you after a while (: you're one of the best girlfrennnns i could ever have. you shower my world with all the love i need from a goodie friend, lovin you to bits dear.

syuk, you're the best boi-frennn i could ever have, (nvr could b compared to Ashraf) ! you listened to all my problems, you teach me all kinds of stupid but yet cute words that could never b found in the dictionary. but perhaps in mine, yeah. you cheered me up and make this world a much happier one for me. i've never regretted havin you around. you are a blessing for me.

akim, my special babe! oh goshhhh. its just been another one of those effing boring days, and suddenly you showed up on msn! thank God, you saved me from total boredom. hahah. seems like i've just known you for one day, but it felt like we've known each other for so long. we joked bout almost everything, right babe? you mat rock. eh no, you rocker. no mats for you eh? keep on rockin my life, people!

all this special people entertained me and made me happy today, that i just couldnt help it but write bout them here! i would have been doing nothing xcept lay on the bed and groaning, if its not for them. that's why i'll b missing them when i go for tomorrow. boohoo. :( but cant wait till i cum back spore. and please baby, please reply soon. dun tick the time awayyyy.

and boy,
you gotta be mine.

011206 : wouldnt risk my love for even just one night

2006-11-30T17:33:00.000-08:00

friggin shits.
its the starting of the last month of this year.
if you know wat i mean.

today's trip to johor is cancelled, because me, my brother and Aliff is down with fever and cough and whatever sickness you can think of. heck, hope we'd get better before tomorrow. =/ hmm..yesterday was spent with Ashraf![: and he rocks la. he's so funny and cute, he's everything la. couldnt imagine how life would turn out to be if he isnt there. urgh! so im supposed to meet him at 6, but reached at 6.20 instead, and we went to meet Farhan Gigi (thats wat Ashraf always calls him) under his block. joked and joked non-stop, hahah. and at 6.45, Farhan went home. so it was just me and him there. we went to Bishan Park and had a talk. a sweet one (: whee~ and BLA BLA BLA. den went to the bbq place and took my sec 3 booklist from Natz and they gave me & Ashraf![: a drink. hahaha. den Ashraf![: saw this 4 CIDs walking around, looking suspicious. woohooo. quite cool la! haha. den it was 9.40 and we took off from there. met my mummy at interchg and she told me that she bought the presents already. shit la, i just wanted to choose! heck. den went home. he wanted to talk at night, but i could only talk after 12.30, den he asked, why, you wanna talk to iqbal awhile ah? i was like, huh? heck care la. i know that i didnt do anything wrong, and that's it. i dont know how to convince him anymore. and anyway, my bill for last month was super dooper woopie high! :( and fone's gonna be confiscated again! im a fucking freak who doesnt know how to handle a handphone.

nobody can replace him,
cos he turns my world upside-down.

291106 : our love will counquer all <3

2006-11-28T17:21:00.000-08:00

oh my, i miss him so much. the photos in friendster & in my fone arent enough for me to see, so i just had to post it here. whee~

attention! attention everyone! the NUWUL i posted about earlier is not from KCPSS. so dun go calling her and ask her about this, aite! hahaha. funny people la. anyway, i've already posted a picture of the NUWUL i was talking about. so zip up and dun go around spreading stuffs okeh?

later on gonna meet Nurul and go shopping. and and! my free LONG JOHN SILVER'S MEAL. WITH! CHEESE. hahaha. its been so long didnt go out with her. i missed her and all my schoolmates. all those sweet memories : before, during and after schooltime. gerek la. [: okay, im quite relieved. yesterday talked to Nurul on the fone. den Ashraf![: called. and asked me whether tmrw's plan to vivo city with the tampines friends are confirmed or not. den i told him that im not going, and he decided not to go too. and he wanna meet me tmrw, right before i go to johor on friday. so 2joyians, im sorry but i cant make it to the class bbq. but maybe i can, but for awhile only. sorry! :( tmrw before meeting Ashraf![:, gonna meet Natazsha first, gonna buy green contact lenses. she's paying for me half, sweet ey? wee~ i loveee her la! Boo! den yesterday night waited for his call until i fell asleep. was awaken by the music of Get Up-CIARA blasting in my ears. looked at the clock, 00:12. called him up and told him i wanna sleep. he gave me my kiss and i wanted to hang up. den he warned me not to hang up until i give him his kiss. and so i gave him his kiss, hung up and went in a peaceful sleep, thank God.

im writing again,
these letters to you.

281106 : sayangku akan hilang

2006-11-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

Dian, where the toot are you?

isnt your camp over yet?

been missing you alot.

cum back online soon okeh?

wheeeeeeeeeeeuu~

to Ridzwan papayaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !
happy one-day-in-advanced birthday.

im sending birthday wishes, from far across the miles
tied with lace and ribbons, my special birthday smile
also hugs and kisses, wrapped in special prayers
happiness and laughter, joy beyond compare
wishing you warm sunshine, each day when you awake
peace within and harmony, with every step you take <3

may God bless you for the rest of your life.

been two days im away from home and yet so much had changed. i feel so wrong, i feel so bad. :( over at Bedok, i was taken aback by the outside world. i forgot about who i am, or maybe who i wanted to be. it's nobody's fault that i cried like a lost child yesterday night. it wasn't THEIR fault that all this happened in the first place. it was mine, and only my fault. i never knew how stupid stuffs can deceive me & change my actual way of thinking. i was just stressed. its been so long i didnt get to meet him, i've been so weak without him standing by me. maybe i was just thinking too much, my brain wanted to explode if it could. im just stressed about thinking that he'd leave me. we're from different worlds, he could leave me in a blink of an eye. i just cant afford to lose him at this point of time, at least. yeah, maybe sorry doesnt solve anything. sorry is just a word, i know. but i mean it when i said it to him. yet he didnt care. yeah fuck, he didnt care when i said that to him a million times yesterday. he didnt replied my messages. so i sat at one side of the house and cried like i've just lost someone i really love.

i know i've not been acting like a good person, these two days back. i've been acting like someone else, someone different from me. way different. im sorry that i did that stupid thing, im so fcuking sorry. just dont leave me. after calling him simultaneously, he called me back. oh yeah he called me back! he said that the thought of leaving me has never crossed his mind before, and its just that he's a little bit angry and disappointed in me.

i've been smiling alot since last night.

and guess wat, he called me up in the morning! when i didnt even contacted him. he still loves me. i think. or maybe i should ask him again? i dont think i should. i might sound like i expect too much. den wat am i supposed to do now? he's off to work again. and on friday gonna be away from home again, will be at johor. atok + auntie lin + natalya's birthday bash. will be missing him alot. and thursday, having my class bbq. when am i supposed to meet him? i only hope that he'd get a break from work and spend just one day with me. then i'll go to johor with a peaceful mind.

and baby,
im still loving you.

261106 : for all the times you stood by me.

2006-11-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

Y my besssssssssssssst girlfriend, NUWUL! [:

congrats on your relationship with Mr. Syafiq.

i luv my cyg NUWUL deep deep! <3

MUAAAAAAAAAAAACK2.

you were my strength when i was weak
you were my voice when i couldnt speak
you were my eyes when i couldnt see
you saw the best that was in me
lifted me up when i couldnt reach
you give me faith because you believe,
that im everything i am because you loved me.

i feel so sick thinking of you. you told me you're sick and you cant move that much. so i had to stop messaging you so that you could rest & get well soon. couldnt really get to sleep last night, thinking of you every second. praying hard that you'd be okay. negative thoughts kept invading my mind. something devil in me kept on bugging me, any girl can get him, he's really something. that thought made me cry. i took my phone, & messaged Ashraf, asked him whether i could ask about something. waited fer him to reply, but he didnt. and, i cried until it brought me to sleep. my phone rang at 8 in the morning, ASHRAF! [: appeared on the screen. as sleepy as i am, i could still manage a small smile. i picked up & heard his voice. it sounds like forever since i heard that such sweet voice. yikes! wats wrong with me? maybe im just too happy (:(:(: he asked me wat i wanted to ask him the night before. i told him that it's okay, i dun wanna ask him anymore. in my heart, i didnt wanna hurt him by asking whether he still feels the same or not. i could really feel the sincerity in his voice when i picked up the fone & he said, MORNING DEAR. i coulr really trust that, i guess. didnt wanna ask him at first. but he kept on pressing me. so in the end, i asked him. do you still love me? i took a deep breath, expecting the best, but also preparing for the worse. dear, im sick. i dun feel like msg-ing these few days. im sorry to make you feel like im avoiding you. but im really sick and im too tired to move around. i still love you. dont worry. sorry again. a wide smile crept up & suddenly i felt so happy again. yeah, that's my boy. den he told me that it's okay, and asked me to give him a wake-up call at 12, for work. work, worrrrrrrrrk? sick & still working? he said that it's fine. so alright den! after this going to have dinner at j8 again with my two primary one cousins. tmrw meeting Ashraf, God Willing. [:

baby i love you,
i love you just that way.

251106 : im everything i am when im with you [:

2006-11-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

hello dear diary,
dear bestest friend.

why do i feel so empty here? why do i feel so abondoned? i dont know why, but i feel so rejected. you dont really entertain me now. you're busy because of work. i dun really care about that, but the more you work, the more i feel so alone. i used to have you sms-ing me every afternoon, but now .. my bill used to be high, but now, my bill is average. i missed sms-ing with you. i missed chatting on the fone with you on late nights. now, you always go to sleep early. why? because you're waking up early for work the next day. i sacrificed so much all this while. but dear, im missing you so much la. the times you used to fetch me from school and go hanging around.

just wanna let you know, that i appreciate all the times we had together. all the love you gave me from the first time we met. you lifted me up when im down. you were my strength & cheered me up whenever i wasnt feeling good. i had it all.

all i want, all i pray for now, is to be with you longer. to spend the rest of my life with you. not letting go of you to anyone else. you're mine. don't ever let go of me, please?

251106

2006-11-24T15:32:00.000-08:00

21/11/06

went to admiralty and waited for my cousin. they were late by almost an hour! but it's okay. im used to waiting. urgh ok! den went to have our lunch at admiralty's KFC. and while eating, we saw this group of minahs with their obvious coloured hair, spaghetti stripes & tappered jeans. me & nisa were like woaaah. plus, when eating, they keep on staring at us. both of us were like so pissed off la siaa. who wont be? you're eating and you get people staring at you eat. like wth right. so both of us looked at them back la. then at first, it was like 5 on 2 la. den one by one, all of them stopped staring. hahahaha. piece of cake. ooh, so that's how to drive starers off ey? hahaha. okay. then walked to Woodsvale Condominium where my other white cousin lives. then had a security check by the guards before they let us in. do we look like criminals? -.- okay lame la. then get to go in. went to their block and pressed the lift button. went in and took a lot of photos using my phone camera, because the mirror in the lift was like super whoopie BIG! we couldn't help it. reached 14th floor, we had to stop our gimmicks and went out of the lift. oh and by the way, there's such thing as GOING-HOME TIME RIGHT? haha. okay then as soon as i reached the house, i went straight into the baby's room and found her crying. so i carried her and brought her to sleep. and i suddenly thought that im fit to be a mother at this age already. hahahaha. well, that's what my cousin's maid said anyway. that's what they do in indonesia. anyway, the baby's name is Noemie Tiara Bureau. the dad's a french, the mum's a malay. stayed with her & rocked her to sleep for almost an hour. and yeah, i enjoyed what i was doing. hahaha. after that we stayed at the balcony and chatted while we enjoy the 14th floor evening breeze. then at 7, we took off from there. took bus 969 to Tampines Mall, because i didnt wanna go home yet. and i decided to meet my long-lost kindergarten friend who now stays at tampines. she's different la, she was standing right in front of me, and yet i could call her & tell her that we reached early! hahaha. she was tapping my shoulder with a puzzled face. hu hu. hugged her & told her how much she changed, until i couldnt even recognise her. hahaha. den she did the same towards me too. then introduced her with Nisa. den we went to walk around Tampines Mall and den had our dinner at the Banquet. caught up on alot of things with her, im so happy to have her back as a good friend again [: then Nisa had to go home, so everyone wanted to go home too. said farewell to Yati and walked with Nisa to the interchg. she's staying at Simei. and i was so lazy to go back to bishan la, it's getting late anyway. so i decided to sleepover at my cousin's house at pasir ris. wanted to sleep at Nisa's house, but they were going to johor on that night. boo! haha. so i took bus 81, which took me directly in front of the house. reached my cousin's house & called my mum up, told her im sleeping over there. reached there, and he still didnt replied any of my msgs or returned any of my calls. i was effing worried la! felt so down. didnt wanna do anything else except sitting by the window and stare far, far away. hoping he's okay.

22/11/06

woke up at 12+. then Ashraf called me up. told me what happened yesterday, why he didnt contacted me back. after hearing his explanation, i understand. then he wanna meet me that day. arranged the time with him and slept for awhile before going out. woke up & took a cold bath and prepared myself in front of the mirror, yada yadaaaa. went out at 5.45 and met him at pasir ris interchg at 6 [: den sat down awhile, and talked. den took bus 403 to pasir ris park. AND BLA BLA BLA. that was the romantic-est night i've ever had with him. im so glad to have him beside me all this while. <33>

23/11/06

spent the day at my cousin's house. i had to admit that it was a fcuking boring day la! watched Heart & High School Musical DVDs a thousand times. =x Zac Efron, i wish i could have you. GRR! hahaha. my kakak sedares all went to work la, and the small kids went to the market with their mummys. boo! and i slept for the rest of the day. it was raining, ulalla! woke up at 7+ at night. and i couldnt sleep at night, because i had too much sleep in the afternoon. haha. luckily, at last i had Ashraf to talk with all night.

24/11/06

woke up at 2+ in the afternoon. haha! im a lazybum bum. played with Sherlin, that shortcake all day. den took a bath at 4+ and prepared in front of the mirror, and yada yada yadaaaaa again! went to meet kak Nur and she & her boi brought me to Adam Road & we had dinner there. it was funny talking to abg Zai. he's a hilarious joker la! den they sent me home. so sweet ehk. then reached home & found my two young cousins there, they're sleeping over. and i found out that my brother is off, on the way to Johor. oh well, i called him up & told him that i missed him. yeah, i really do can?

201106

2006-11-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

im back after three days and two nights at pasir ris. before that, met up with ashraf, and he had to go for last-minute werk again. was actually pissed at first, when will i ever have quality time with him again? i always had during skul times. now? not anymore uh. den met with nazirah before going to pasir ris. lepak2, talk2.. den went to Dewan to meet up with her boi. and this guy came to me & sat bside me. asked me alot of bonus questions. he's kind of a joker, but i dont think i can really entertain this type of guys la. my first impression was that he effing looks like a playboy. okay nevermind. omfg, what was i thinking? i already have Ashraf, why should i think of Ihsan? because, these few days, we've been quarelling over and over again about nothing at all. sometimes, he's the one who started it first. and lately, i've been the one who started it. i dont know, but i feel uneasy. like he wants to avoid me. when i called him on his handphone, he didnt pick up. i swear, i called him a million times. but when i called his home, he's there. i dont know, but i felt like he was avoiding me. and we're supposed to meet today, and he cancelled it.
said there wasnt enough time. then why should he even planned it the night before? called him up yesterday using my brother's fone at nite, thought wanted to chat. but he told me he wanted to sleep. huh, so much for my efforts of stealing the fone from my brother's room. i felt like a million dollars when i met you. but now, i think i've went bankrupt. why must we show attitude to each other? i hate it alot, but i hope all this misunderstandings would stop. this thursday's gonna be two months knowing you. dont let it be a torture for me please. just that if you wanna avoid me, do it quick. and dont just leave me like that. my heart's had enough of getting hurt.

Ashraf, i love you. and it's real love that you dont know about. im so lucky to have you by my side. your love for me is more than enough. just don't leave me. please, know that i love you just the way you are.
:(
im sick. i shouldnt think too much. im prepared to accept the truth. just count on me for life.

161106

2006-11-15T22:50:00.000-08:00

when you have to look away
when you dont have much to say
that's when i love you
i love you, just that way
to hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk, with two left feet
that's when i love you
i love you, endlessly
and when you're mad cos you lost the game
forget im waiting in the rain
baby i love you
i love you anyway
because here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
because that's when i love you
when nothing you do could change my mind
the more i learn,
the more i love,
the more my heart cant get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what
so when you turn to hide your eyes
because the movie made you cry
that's when i love you
i love you a little more each time
and when you cant quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
that's when i love you
i love you, more than you know
and when you forget that we had a date
or that look that you gave when you showed up late
baby i love you
i love you anyway
that's when i love you
i love you no matter what
no matter what

oh wow.

life's really like a rollercoaster. and with you by my side, it'd turn out to be a worthwhile ride.
was down and felt like killing myself on monday, but my soul still wanted to live.
okay then the next day, went to school to check out the subject combination results with abby, nurul & natazsha. i was satisfied with what i saw, cos i got all the subjects i wanted to learn for next year. den went to met up with jolina at around bishan mrt station. and and headed to vivo city. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! bought tickets for The Covenant and they ate at Carls' Jr.
the fries were heavenly. they had a quick lunch and den headed to the cinema counter and bought my Jumbo Hotdog. and they rushed to put mustard on my hotdog, like wth?
hahahaha, they looked cute la while doing that. then went in the cinema and i sat in the middle of nurul & natazsha. ooooooh, isn't that great? then watched the movie & enjoyed the view of hot guys in the movie. it was so heavenly!
hahahaha. =x then after that, we planned a surprise for nurul. in advance, we decided to celebrate nurul's bday 4 days earlier. abby & jolina went to Breadtalk & bought her a greentea-flavoured birthday cake. while me & natazsha brought nurul to the water thingy at the top floor.and it was pure fun la! hahahaha. and then they arrived with the cake. nurul was overjoyed i guess. oh, and as much as i hated green tea, i just ate a piece. i had to say that it was quite nice yeah. hahahaha. den i gave nurul a kiss on her cheek. happy advanced birthday Nurul, finally, you're fourteen! so we can't disturb you anymore la. boo! hahahaha. okay supposed to meet ashraf today. but he's tired. he even supposed to go to work, but he didnt. he's sleeping now i guess. then tmrw gonna meet him. but guess i'll have to meet him with my Burberry's backpack la. because after spending some time with him tmrw, gonna head off to pasir ris. sleeping over my cousin's house. she needs my help to prepare her 2 younger sisters' bday party goodies for saturday. gonna be fun la packing with her. with her nonsensical jokes which have no meaning at all. so yeah.

taking care.

141106

2006-11-13T23:56:00.000-08:00

what i feel now,

is just so damn fucking stress-ed up. just now went to khatib to meet ashraf. then went to the bus stop and met up with fahmi & wan cute. den took bus 969 to tampines interchg, and bought this ice milo from macs. boarded the bus again and stopped at the court. then they played takraw, while i watched them play & waited for dian & wanie. ayie, riduwan & azahar came and played takraw too. while waiting for dian & wanie to arrive - i dont know why, but i caught myself staring at ashraf. the orange shirt, the orange shorts & the black shoes looked cute on him. yeah, so cute. the way he turns and kick the takraw ball, the way he shakes hands with his teammates. he looked like the Perfect Man i've ever wanted to meet. when i reached home, i cried on my bed. i cried and blinked my tears away, i cried and blinked my tears away - like there's no tomorrow. what the hell is wrong with me? i hate my life at home, everyone's pissing me off here. okay fuck, everyone's right in this house, i'm the one who's always wrong. i hope all of you are happy the way you are now. but just as much i love you guys, just because your blood run in my veins, i also hate how you keep me trapped in this world with your naggings and blabberings. it keeps me effing stressed full time. i didnt know that feeling stressed-up would lead me to even think of hurting myself. even though i know that's the wrong thing to do. killing myself would be so much better. but why should i? when i have others who cares for me?
and love me? why should i hurt myself when i still have my friends by my side? why should i kill myself when i still have ashraf to live my life with? i thought about it. well i shouldn't. i decided to think this way, that everything'd be fine after i talk this out with my parents. after i sort the way i think. yeah, hopefully everything'd be fine. i really wish to be like i used to. that one girl who always crack jokes and loves entertaining friends when they're down, even when there's tons others talking behind my back & act goodiegoodie in front of me. i realised i dont need them. the only way to deal with them is to just tag along. you wanna play this game, i'll finish it.

DIAN, JUST TELL YOURSELF TO FUCK OFF & CONTINUE WITH YOUR LIFE.
AND TELL YOURSELF THAT EVERYTHING'D BE FINE.
DON'T THINK TOO MUCH.
FULL-STOP.

121106

2006-11-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

yessssa, it's me again. it's 8.52 am. and im feeling happy. like reallyreally happy. and i think i know why. guess what, he called me up at 2 in the morning. and told me that he'd call me when he reach home. i was more than satisfied that he called me in the first place. then at 2.30+ he called me. l i k e Y A Y ! [: we talked and talked and talkkkkkkked. then i asked him whether he wanted to hang up, cos it's late and he's working the next day. but he said no.he wanna talk to me. so yeah. and we continued talking crap, as usual. then he comes to the mushy stuffs. I l o i k e ! hahahaha. i mean, yeah it's been so long i didn't get to hear that.
and during that time, i wasn't sure of his feelings for me. but the only thing i was sure of, was that my feelings for him are still the same ever since i said those three words back to him. i mean, okay he's busy, let him do his things. i don't wanna disturb him by asking whether he still feels the same. and he said those three words to me, again. after such a long time. oh, how i've missed that. after satisfied talking with him, we hung up. then i suddenly feel that the warmth of the pillow reminds me of his warmth. i miss him so much. yesssssssssssssssssa! meeting him on monday.

i can't wait.

i wanna dance with him.
i wanna hug him.

i wanna kiss him.
i just wanna love him.

111106

2006-11-11T02:32:00.000-08:00

FRIENDS TILL THE END. [:
I CAN EVEN SAY " I L O V E Y O U A L L ".

(press on any picture for larger view!)

111106

2006-11-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

elo! jeng jeng jeng! hehehe. i feel like blogging, hell yeah! wheeeeeeeeeeeeuu! okay just now was feeling down, & then then then! now happy again (: wow, life's a rollercoaster. hahaha. hmm.. yesterday was fun la. went to meet nurul at her house. then went to plaza singapura. watched Material Girls. it was okay la, but nurul said Step Up's better. so i hope to watch it with friends from Khatib next week. cos my bishan friends watch already la. hahaha. gonna ask them later. yay yay! i miss julie! hehe. have to catch up on alot of things la. plus, i didnt see Dian before. hahaha. okay, tmrw open house for my house (: cousins gonna get together and have some retarded fun. and and! there's gonna be alot alot of food tmrw. .. monday supposed to work coffee bean again. hahaha. but then i tired la. although it's fun. and somemore gonna work as an ice-cream seller. with nurul they all. and monday, supposed to go jln raye with dian tamp & all again! i'd prefer going jln raye with them, so decided not to work on monday. hahaha. so following them! yay yay! haiz. i miss him alooooot la. the last tyme i saw him was on monday. and it's only for a short while :( im grumpy these few days. cos he work everyday, and he cant really talk at night. he's tired, i know, i can sense it. but i'll have to understand & sacrifice la. give & take ehk? hahahaha! okay best! he called me, and im more than satisfied to hear his voice.

because he rocks my world.
oh yeah he does.

081106

2006-11-07T22:53:00.000-08:00

the sweetest i've ever gotten from up there (:

relaxinnnng!

the beauty engraved.

MY TAMPINES SWEETHEARTS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME [:

WHO ELSE WOULD REPLACE THEM?

081106

2006-11-07T21:48:00.000-08:00

green is hot! but the thing is, are we?

light orange, black, dark orange? what a contrast.

love my family deep deep (:

i'm boredBORED.

mummy, im tired of snapping pictures!

You lift me up when im down.

abg ku (: playing his imaginary drum. omfg!